Because I never sign out of WordPress, when I visit my blog it brings up the WordPress site which lets me access my dashboard immediately.  One of the tabs on my dashboard is Blog Info.  It has several pulldown options, one of which is a chance to select random entries from my blog.  Last night I read about the first night I cocktailed.  About a date with Adam.  About going to Maine for a show.  It’s fun, although I sometimes spend too much time doing this.

I had more fun tonight at work than last night.  The money was not much better.  It actually hasn’t been good at all this week.  Sometimes I wonder what I’m doing differently.  Am I not as nice?  Is it because I’ve gained weight?  Is it that I’m bored?  Am I not giving good service?  What’s the deal?  If someone can tell me what I’m doing wrong I’d love you for it.

We are having a “SNOWICANE” in NYC right now.  At least that’s the word Accuweather used.  They got grief for it from the National Weather Service.  I’ve also heard “SNOWNAMI.”  Choose a word.  It doesn’t matter we are getting a shit ton of snow.  And the wind is blowing something fierce.  I passed a couple walking down my street and by the time got to the end of my block their tracks were covered.

I’m home early tonight.  They closed the restaurant at 9:30 again tonight.  I should go to bed.  I should.  I keep finding things to read on line.  I can hear the TV on in the bedroom.  Adam falls asleep to it every night.  It’s usually on when I get home.  I come in, change clothes, kiss him hello, pet Harper, and turn off the TV.   He’s not usually aware of any of this.  He was not only awake when I got home, he was up making flavored vodka.  He’s been doing research on how to do it so tonight he started the three week process of making bacon flavored vodka.  It’s sounds gross to me, but he thinks it will be good in Bloody Mary’s.  He’s also making his own vanilla.  I’ll let you know how all of this turns out.  Any way he was up, and it was nice to see him in the middle of the week.  It was VERY nice.

It’s already the end of February.  Where did the month go.  I feel like it’s almost time to start shopping for Christmas again.

Speaking of Christmas, although most of you are bored by now, I should continue with my Christmas trip.  I haven’t told you about the Big Texan, the wall of crosses, the How to Manage Your Finances for Dummy’s book, the trip to his mom’s house and the very LONG trip home.

Saturday we are having spa day.

I love straight razor shaves and so for Christmas Adam gave me a gift certificate for the NY Shaving Company. It’s a tonsorial parlor.  Upscale.  So on Saturday I’m using my gift certificate for a cut and a shave.

So we are starting the day with manicures and pedicures.  I gave him a gift certificate for both for Valentine’s Day.

Then it’s off to lunch.

Then it’s off for my cut and shave.

After that we are going to Balthazar’s for dinner.  It’s Adam’s favorite restaurant and he’s treating us to dinner with his tax windfall that he received this week.  Their Saturday night special is Short Ribs.  I know what I’m having.

After that…


I’ll let you know.



I especially HATE foreign deaf people!!!

I superduperwholehellofalot HATE my job!!!

A LOT!!!


So here’s how my evening went.

I got to work at 4:15.

I ordered my dinner.  Changed clothes.  Picked up my dinner.  Went to my “seat” (everyone knows it’s my seat so they move when they see me coming).  Prepared myself for “Pre-shift.”  (It’s the little meeting most restaurants have before a shift starts.  They tell you things like we are out of mango juice, we have three steaks left and stop stealing the Red Bull from the fridge.)

All of this is normal except for two things.

1.  Our GM shows up to tell us all that he’s leaving.  He gives his goodbye speech to 15 waiters.  We have 120 that work in our restaurant.  He says his speech to 15.  His last day is tomorrow but he’s leaving early because of the Snowicane.  (Look it up that’s the word being thrown around describing the blizzard that’s on the way.)

2.  We were closing early tonight.  We actually closed early last night and we are closing early tomorrow night as well.  The kitchen is getting completely overhauled and the work is being done over night.  We are closing at 9:30 so they have about 12 hours to finish it.

So my shift starts.  And about an hour into it, it’s already sucking.  How much is it sucking.  Well tonight I didn’t make one 20% tip.  I made about four or five 15% tips.  And I got stiffed on about 600 bucks in sales.  I don’t just mean bad tips.  I mean no money at all!  It just kept getting worse and worse.  Normally I’m able to laugh it off but tonight it was bothering me a lot.

So I plugged along, hoping that it would get better.  We were on a wait for most of the evening so I sat myself and kept hoping that the next table would be better.  It didn’t.

At 9:00 they stopped taking names.  At 9:15 the last tables were sat. At that point I have two tables.  A party of three at the counter.  And a party of two at a table.  That’s it.  The party at the rail was just drinking and the party at the table was just about finished eating.  I started my side work and was just about ready to call it a night when the host Jeff comes up to me and says,  “I just sat table 71.”

FUCK!!!  I hate when he fucking does this.  I’m done.  I’m ready to walk out the the door.  It’s one thing to have four or five other tables and get a couple more.  But when you are done and can be out the door in 15 minutes another table is not fun.

So he seats me.

So I give them time to get seated and I go up to greet them.

I say, “Hi guys.  How are you tonight?”  I always say this enunciated because you never know if the table can speak English.  If they don’t, most everyone has learned the basics ie.  Thank you.  Please.  How are you?

I say Hi.  And a girl at the table goes ballistic.  She starts pointing and waving her arms.  And it takes about five minutes to realize they are all deaf.

1.  It would have been nice if Jeff the host had told me this.  He clearly knew this since he sat the table.

2.  What she was doing was not signing.  I’ve seen signing.   This was waving her arms around and pointing.

I walk away from the table.

I wait a few minutes and go back to the table.

They are still not ready to order.  By this time the kitchen manager is yelling that he needs their order.  I go back to the table and write on my pad, “The kitchen is closing.”  This speeds up angry girl, but you’d think they’d never been out to a restaurant before.  Two of the girls refused to make a decision.  I walk away.  I come back.  They still haven’t decided.  I insist that they order.  And finally they order.

I’m being very nice.  I don’t like that they are there, but it’s my job to take care of them and I think I do a pretty good job of keeping my feelings in the wait station.

I get their drinks.  The are deaf and don’t talk but the one guy at the table did manage to squeak out, “Free Refills?”


Not only that.  They order Mt. Dew.  Which is fine but you can’t get it at the bar so now, station 16 is pissed because they can’t break down the soda station till we are sure they’ve had their fill.  I finally fill three pitchers and tell her to go to it.

Their food is up.  I take it to the table.  By now it’s about 9:45 and they’ve started to eat.  I’ve never seen people eat so slowly.  They took forever.  I kept going by the table.  And by the table. At around 10:30 everyone is finished but two people and ask about dessert.  I’m told they want dessert.  I get the menus and alert the manager.  I know they want brownies they told me this when they ordered.  The manager tells me to give them two options.  Brownie’s were not on that list.  I explain that if he wants to go tell them he can, but they were sat to eat after we closed and that they should be allowed to order since they were sat.  He doesn’t like that answer but he says okay.   I go back to the table.  It’s explained to me that they won’t order dessert till EVERYONE is finished eating.



I get them out of the kitchen on to the table and it’s now almost 10:45.

I should point out that by this point there is NO NONE left in the restaurant.  The bar is empty.  The lights are at full.  And as the manager pointed out, it didn’t really matter, but the music is off.  It’s the five people, me, a busser, and the manager.  That’s it.

I give them about five minutes with dessert and I drop the check.

This is the part that scares me at this point.  The check is 198.00.

So I drop the check.

The continue to eat.  And eat.  And eat.  It’s now 11:00 and they are still eating.  I finally go over and indicate that they need to pay the check.  Angry girl waves at me.  I walk away.

I give them a few more minutes and I walk by and the check is till laying there.

I give them a few more minutes and I walk by and the girl indicates that they need five separate checks.

FUCK ME!  She might have mentioned that sometime before RIGHT NOW!

I grab the check.  Go the computer.  Separate it and take them back to the table.

And they continue to eat.  And eat.  And eat.

And finally they get up to pay.

They act as if they are surprised that they have to pay.

And slowly one by one they pay me.

In cash.

Exact change.





The last girl hands me her money, I rip the money the money out of her hand, I pick up all the receipts and storm away.  It’s the closest I’ve ever come to saying something to someone about a tip since I’ve worked there.

So let me recap.

At 9:15 I’m almost ready to go.

At 11:30 I’m still in the restaurant after wasting two hours to wait on the fuckers for free!

I made .087 percent of my sales tonight.  I would have only made .065 if I’d tipped out as much as I should have.

My co-worker Nick made almost 50 more than I did and he was at home when I texted him at 11:30 to tell him that they stiffed me.

Luckily Adam was still up and I called him and yelled at him for about ten minutes.  He was nice and listened and told me to just let it go.




And one last note.  Wordpress recognizes Fuck as a word, which is good because I use it a lot.  It does not recognize fuckers.


Usually I write about what I’m feeling.  About my life.  My complaints.  About the bitchy women who didn’t tip me.  Or the argument I had with Adam.  You know the usual stuff.

This weekend though, something happened that really perplexes me and more importantly scares me.

Andrew Joseph Stack

Last Thursday he flew his plane into the IRS building in Austin, Texas.

Yes.  This is a little late.  And I’d probably have let it go unnoticed if I hadn’t discovered this today.

It’s a Fan Page on Facebook.

There are people out there celebrating Stack’s attack.

And this is the point where I say WHAT THE FUCK!  Let me repeat that.  WHAT THE FUCK!

Everyone has a right to their opinion.  I happen to be a bleeding heart liberal.  You have the right to believe what ever you want.  We both have the right to argue our opinions.  And at the end of the day we have to agree to disagree.  We won the last election, eventually you’ll have your turn again.  The pendulum will always swing the other way.  It’s how politics in our country works.

But lately…

There has been an increase in the number of people who claim that our country as we know it is being destroyed.  The country that was fought for and died for is being ruined by the government that is currently in power.  These same people are urging an uprising.  Until this past weekend I assumed they meant to get out, campaign and change things.  Clearly my worst fears have been confirmed.

The people wh0 support this man, and if you click around on the internet there are hundreds of sites praising his actions, are fucking scary.  I don’t care what or who you support they are fucking scary.  These people believe that the only way to stop the path our country is on is to take up arms and fight.  There are manifestos on YouTube encouraging people to stockpile weapons and to prepare for the coming war.  There are Facebook fan pages for all of the above.  Although I know people who will argue with me, but a lot of the people who are attending Tea Party meetings are supporters of this idea.  When a man shows up to a Presidential speech caring a gun you know things are changing for the worse.  And let’s face it “The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants.” is being tossed around and around and around.  Clearly these are not just words any more.

So here’s my question:

How is this Stack fellow any different than the World Trade Center pilots?  All of them hated what our country has come to stand for.  All of them saw death and martyrdom as a way to spread their message.  In both attacks innocent people died.  Do you think if Stack had been muslim they’d be singing his praises?  I think not.  He is a man who used terror as a way to spread his message.

It scares me to think what’s on the horizon.

Maddog Ramblings!



Usually I sit down at the computer and something comes to me, I start typing and 30 or so minutes later I have a post.  I’ve been sitting here for 10 minutes and nothing’s coming to me.




Our house guests have arrived.  I know this because Adam left me a message saying they’d arrived.  I also know this because I can hear Shane snoring.

I haven’t unfriended my friend on Facebook yet.  I’m not sure I want to.  Sometimes it’s nice to know what the enemy is up to.  And she’s DEFINITELY the enemy.

I learned how to right click on Adam’s Powerbook tonight.

I had to know how to right click so I could add a video to Facebook.

Facebook has become my own little platform for gay rights…specifically  gay marriage.  I post two or three articles or videos a day.  I don’t know if my conservative friends watch and read.  But it can’t hurt.

A terrorist who was pissed off at the IRS flew a plane into a building in Texas yesterday.  There is a conservative group that has set up a fan page for the pilot on Facebook.  Seems his ranting and subsequent actions against the US government is something they admire.  Let me see if I get this right.  Muslims fly plane into building…bad.  Right Wing conspiracy guy flies his plane into a building…good.

lllllllllllllllllllllllllll (This is me cleaning cream cheese icing off the “L” key on Adam’s computer).

There was flyers posted a couple of weeks ago about two muggings that took place in our neighborhood, late at night.  I walk home late at night so I’m a little more aware/anxious than I was.  Clearly however, the police are listening because there was a huge NYPD crane observation tower at the corner of our street when I came home tonight.  Subtle no.  Helpful.  Yes.

Would you believe that I’m actually unhappy that the “A” train has been running express this week at night.  It means I don’t have as much time to read as normal.

I’ve decided that nothing humors me more than indignant people.  It also means that I have to be careful not to come across that way.  Even better than indignant people are husbands who stand behind their wives, while the wife is behaving this way, apologizing behind her back.  It made me smile tonight.

I told Daniel today that I’d give him a thousand dollars, cash, if he’d please become the GM of our restaurant.  I would too.

Seem’s the GM resigning is not so secret after all.

I really believe that some people prefer to be unhappy.  My friend Nick at work is like this.  EVERYONE is sick of hearing about Nick and his “fiancee”.  It’s in quote because he gets upset if you call her his girlfriend.

I got in trouble tonight because my shirt was wrinkled.  Not really in trouble, but it was suggested that I buy an iron before I come back to work.

I was annoyed with Adam tonight.  Not really.  We have our little routines that we do throughout the day.  He kisses me goodbye.  I call him when I get up, when I walk to the train, and when I walk into my restaurant.  He writes me an email and calls me just before he goes to bed.  I respond to his email when I get home.  He usually calls me around 11:30.  Tonight he was up late and called me 1:12.  I called him back at 1:14 and he’d already turned his phone off for the night.  🙂  I was not happy that I didn’t get to say goodnight in person.

My mom made a global warming joke today.  Well sort of.  And I had to point out to her that in Kentucky they’ve gone the past six or seven years with relatively minor winters.  They were due for a serious one.  It’s not not global warming.  It’s just the cycle of weather.

We have never had the radiators on in our apartment.  Neither of us likes it hot.  It’s funny they still clank and hiss as if they were on.

Trying to decide if I should see a movie tomorrow.  I have plans to meet up with friends tomorrow night at 9:00.  Adam will be at the theater.  I’ll need something to do for a few hours.

I’m typing in the living room tonight on Adam’s computer.  My computer is in the guest room.  It’s nice to be out here for a change.

I don’t know if I mentioned this.  I think perhaps I did.  But the job I applied for in California is no longer being filled because of budget issues in the state.  Looks like I’ll be a waiter for a while longer.

Adam’s friend Chris is having a baby.  Chris has employed (no pay) Adam and me to create a furniture arrangement for the nursery and to come up with paint ideas.  I don’t think Chris is exactly happy with some of the things we’ve suggested.  Like not making all the baby furniture dark brown.  And not leaving the ugly hutch from 1976 in the room.  We want it light and airy.  Light and Airy.  Light and Airy.  He might be more willing to listen to us if he were actually paying us.


It’s time for bed.

Good night all.

Opposite Day!

Today was opposite day at work.

Not really but some strange things occurred.

1.  Money has been getting a little better.  Actually a lot better than two weeks ago but not nearly as good as a year ago.  That being said most of my bills are caught up.

2.  The whole scenario of not cutting the middle cocktail server seems to be going away.  They started cutting at the end of the shift last week, and tonight they cut the guy at 9:30.  Just like in the old days.  If this continues I’ll actually be able to get completely caught up and perhaps even save some money.

3.  Next week they are more or less ripping out the main kitchen and replacing things with a more efficient one.  When it’s all done everything will be shiny and new.  They are doing this because next week is historically the slowest week of the year.  At least that’s what they said.  Two years ago they replaced all of the flooring in the restaurant including an all new kitchen floor.  We were closed for days for that and it was the week of the 14th.  Because that was historically the slowest week of the year.  Do they think no one remembers this stuff?

Long story short, we are closing early next Tuesday through Thursday.  So although the money has been good this week even if we are busy next week with the shortened hours I’m back where I started.

4.  Rumor has it.  And it’s a very reliable source.  That the General Manager of the restaurant has resigned and will be gone in two weeks.  Rumor also has it that my friend Daniel who I’ve known for ten years has been approached about being promoted.  This would be VERY good.  VERY good indeed.  The current GM puts on a good game face, but for the most part he’s all talk and no do.  The last few times I’ve gone to speak to him about something it’s been a complete waste of time.  He’s really just part of the boy’s club that is our management team.  If you are not talking sports, booze, or girls he really doesn’t have much to talk to you about.  Daniel is funny.  And very hands on.  And is GAY!  It would be a welcome change and I really think he’d be a great improvement to the restaurant.

5.  So remember my little incident on Monday night.  You know the one where the manager wanted to send me home.  Wanted more or less to fire me?  You know that manager?  Well his name is Steve.  And when I went in to work tonight, I ran into Steve.  It was like nothing had ever happened which was fine.  He said hello and shook my hand and then said:

I’d like you to do something for me.  (At this point I have no idea what he’s going to ask).

Mandy was supposed to do my annual employee evaluation and she left on vacation without doing it.  Would you mind filling it out for me?  I know you’ll be honest.


On Monday he wants to fire me.  Today he wants me to fill out a survey/evaluation provided by human resources of the corporate offices and wants me to be honest.  REALLY?  He wants me to be honest?  Do I tell them he’s an ass.  Or a prick?  Or incompetent?  Or stupid.  Or totally useless as a manager?  Do I tell them he gets all power trippy and sends waiters home for no reason?  Do I tell them he’s afraid to make a decision because he thinks he’ll do the wrong thing?  Do I tell them that everyone including the other managers make fun of him?  Do I tell them these things?  Or do I somehow, very nicely say that ___________________.   And more importantly I can’t think of a single positive thing to say about him.  Not one!!!  He’s really just a bad manager and needs to find new work.  Doing something where he doesn’t have to deal with people.  That’s just my thoughts on the subject.

Let’s hope tomorrow it’s still opposite day at work.  Things seem to be better when it is.

House Guests.

We are having house guests this weekend.

We love the idea of house guests.

We hate the reality of house guests.

NYC is tricky when it comes to visitors.  We have to ask ourselves questions like:

1.  Are they going to expect us to entertain them?

2.  Do they expect us to go to the theater with them?

3.  Are they independent and able to fend for themselves?

4.  Are they going to freak out about riding the subway?

5.  Are they going to hole up in the apartment and not leave for four days?  (When I lived with Chuck he had a friend who visited who did just that.  The guy didn’t leave our apartment for four days.  It was VERY weird).

6.  Are they expecting us to feed them while they are here?

7.  Are they going to freak out when they discover Harper’s litter box lives in the guest bath?

8.  Are they going to come in late at night and wake us up?

9.  Are they going to get up at the crack of dawn and expect us up as well?

10.  When are they going to arrive?

11.  When are they going to leave?

12.  Are they going to be inconsiderate like my friend A.C. who was a royal pain in the ass while he was here.

13.  Is the visit going to be perfectly wonderful?  Are we going to be glad they came and miss them when they leave?  Are we going to be happy that we opened our house up to them for the weekend?

All questions we must ask ourselves.

We never mind the visits nearly as much as we dread their arrival.

Maddog’s Troubling Night.

This was my night:

I yelled at the food runner.


I told one guest I didn’t have time to find him a place at the bar.

I told one guest if he couldn’t order from me then he couldn’t sit at my counter.

They both complained.

To a manager.

I had a guest who comes up and tells me he’s 3 dollars short on his bill.

I tried to get the manager to listen to me which resulted in:

I yelled at the manager.

He yelled at me telling me to never yell at him again on the floor.

I yelled back and told him to not yell at me in front of my c0-workers.

He yelled at me to clock out and go home.

By this time I’m tired of yelling and I said,

I’m not going anywhere.

He said,


I said,

I’m not going home.

So I go back to waiting tables.  Nothing like conflict to lower my blood pressure and keep me calm.  Which I am by this point.

He brings the 6’4″ big black kitchen manager out to back him up and says,


I follow him to the office.

He says,

Hand over your tables, cash out and go home.

I say,

Shouldn’t we talk about this first.

He says,

We can talk about.  Tomorrow with the GM.

I say,

Okay.  But I’m still not going home.

He says,


I say,

I told you I’m not going anywhere.  I yelled.  I’m sorry.  It happens.  It wasn’t personal.  I yelled.  You yelled.  We are even.

He takes a deep breath.

I take a deep breath.

I say,

Are we good?  Holding out my hand to shake his.

He says,

Yeah.  We’re good.

I apologize again.

And go back to work.

Whew!  One firing avoided!!!

In two years of working there he’s the only manager I’ve ever yelled at.  And he’s the only one to yell at me.  Hmm.  Do we perhaps see the problem here. (I’m not the only one who has a problem with this manager.)


I got home at 2:45 tonight.  I’m supposed to be at an all staff employee at 7:30 a.m.  Which meant that had I come home, skipped dinner.   Didn’t shower.  Didn’t brush my teeth.  I could have gotten to bed at 3:00.  Which meant that I’d have to get up at 6:30 to be out the door and on the subway by 6:45.  To take the 30 minute train ride downtown to get to my meeting.  Which means that I would have about 3.5 hours of sleep to function on tomorrow.

I’m old.

Way too old for this.

So I’m going to conveniently oversleep tomorrow.  I’ll explain tomorrow night when I get to work.  I’ve never missed one before and chances are no one will even know that I’m not there.  I’m sure when I explain that I’m too old to function on just three hours of sleep they’ll understand.  If not then perhaps I can yell at them and start the whole scenario over again.

Facebook Question???

I have been on Facebook for about two years.  I joined in 2007 while I was in Oklahoma because all the 12 year olds in the dorm told me it was the latest thing.  I signed up.  Friended them all.  And there you have it.

It’s 2010.

I have 559 friends.  That’s a lot.  I have friends  who have a lot less friends.  I have friends with a lot more.  My friends come from a variety of different times in my life.  I have friends from high school.  I have friends from my undergrad school, my master’s school, and my MFA school.  I have friends I have worked with before and a lot of my friends who currently are co-workers at the restaurant.

Most of them I remember.  Some I don’t think I’d recognize if they walked up to me and shook my hand.

When you have 559 friends it’s impossible for them all to think, and believe the things that you do.  I expect that, and respect that.  I do have to admit that most of them either keep quiet about their politics, religious stuff, or they are at least a little to the left.

However, I went to a Southern Baptist undergrad school.  MANY of my friends from that time in my life are conservative.  Many are devout “bible believing” Christians.  Some have seen the light and have moved on.  MANY of my friends from that time period are gay.  We all new that about each other then, but when you are in a conservative situation, you keep those kind of things to yourself.

So I check out Facebook most nights when I get home.  I see what people are up to, I see who’s friended who, and I see what their days are about.  Most of them are the innocuous things like “Love the olympics opening ceremony (there were about 50 variations on that theme tonight) or “my husband made me the best dinner ever”.

But then there are people (like me) who use it for personal updates but also for political updates.  I will tell people all about the cupcakes Adam made me this week, or the beautiful snow in the park by our house.


I also spend a lot of time on gay issues.  I post videos, surveys, photos, articles etc.

This week I posted:

An article about a protest by a performance Artist.

Top 10 reasons to oppose gay marriage.

A video of a lesbian couple trying to get a marriage license in NYC.

An article about a gay state trooper who died.

An article about banning the dictionary.

Or one of my favorites lately.  I posted this picture.

I’m not shy about my liberalism.  And I’m not shy about engaging others when I think they are using lies to make their points.  I’m actually friends with a woman in California I’ve never met because we were allies on a mutual friends page when the rhetoric turned to how bad Obama’s Presidency is.  During the Superbowl ad debate about the Pro-Life commercial I had a friend refer to the opponents of the ad as Pro-Abortion.  It took about three minutes to set her straight that I’d never met a person who was Pro-Abortion.  Lot of people who were Pro-Choice.  But never Pro-Abortion.  Every time I get heated I tell myself that I wont’ do it again.  And three minutes later someone says something that pisses me off and I respond.  Adam says it’s my own little protest platform.  I do know that I have a conservative friend from college who has changed his stance on gay marriage after we sparred a few times and I continuously talked about Adam.  I respect him and his beliefs even more now.

As all of you know.  The set up is always long for my point.


A girl from college that I don’t remember, friended me about a year ago.  I had to look her up in a year book to even figure out who she is.  No big deal, there are lots of people from those days that remember me that I don’t remember.  I’m sure there are people that say the same about me.

Here’s the problem.

She’s Tea Party, religous, conservative, conspiracy theory, Obama not born in this country, bat shit crazy.

She organized the volunteers of the tea party march in Washington.  She’s always posting this and that about her beliefs.  It’s her right, same as it’s mine.

So I’m her friend and every day I actually check out the stuff she posts because to tell you the truth she and her movement scare the shit out of me.

These are things she posted today.

She joined a group that supports GOP Vote

She became a fan of The Family Research Council

And she works for Freedom Works.

Now I’m the first to realize everyone has a right to their beliefs.  I may not agree with you, but you have your right.  But these fucking people are crazy.  Sarah Palin is not the second coming.  The country has not become a socialist nation.  Obama was not born in fucking Kenya.  No one is threatening your second amendment rights.  No one is forcing you to do or be anything you don’t want to be.  It’s fucking America.  Sometimes things are right leaning.  Sometimes they are left leaning.  Eventually things will swing the other way and everyone gets a chance to play.  It’s what keeps our democracy working.

So here’s the deal.  I’ve never engaged her.  I firmly believe that these people can’t be engaged.  Based on what I’ve seen of the tea party gatherings they can’t and won’t listen to the arguments.  But I don’t know if I can continue to be passive with her.  The Family Research Council preaches vehemently against gays.  Freedom Works is a front for racists and bigots who think the country would be better off with a real revolution.  GOP Vote.  Just as crazy.  What I do think I should do is message her and let her know that I have no real reason to be her friend.  I can’t be friends with anyone who uses a public platform to spread the word that my life is less than others.  That my relationship with my partner is not as valued as hers is with her husband.  That gay men and women have always served in the military, will always serve in the military, it’s just they’d like to do so without lying about it.  I know it sounds little two-faced, but nothing I say on Facebook imposes my life on them.  Yes I’m gay.  But my being gay doesn’t effect their life.  Their need to preach hate effects my life.  It’s people like them that cause gay teens to kill themselves.  It’s people like them that cause gays to be beaten and killed.  It’s people like them stop me from planning my wedding with Adam.  (I haven’t asked yet).

I don’t want to engage her on this.  I don’t think it will do any good.  But I also don’t think I should just unfriend her, I think that’s taking the easy way out.

So do any of you people out there having any suggestions as to how I can say this without calling her names, which I hate when the right does?

Give me some pointers.

It’s now 5:38 so forgive any typos, grammar etc. issues.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Work was better tonight.  Not great but better.  I’ve been trying to just go with it and make the best of it.  It’s just been hard lately.

So my friend Tracy who works at the school in San Diego I’m applying to sent me this message tonight:

I wanted you to know that the budget for new hires was not approved for the new positions.  This means that the positions you and I have both applied for are being postponed until next year….

I am really disappointed for us both, but I wanted you to know so you can put your focus somewhere else…at least for another year…..

I did talk to someone on the committee about you and your amazing skills so maybe a year from now things will work out…..

Hope you are well in the snowy north….




Now what do I do?  I have decided against the job in Pennsylvania.  I think if Adam and I are going to move out of the city to somewhere smaller than we anticipated, we need to have many more discussions, so that no one is upset.  I would hate it if we moved and he resented me for it, or we moved and he couldn’t get work, or we moved and we couldn’t hold hands in a restaurant, or we moved and we broke up because of it.

I’d hate it.

So we need to do some more talking.

I did see an ad today for a job in Nashville.

This is included in the ad.

Lipscomb University complies with all applicable federal and state nondiscrimination laws and does not engage in prohibited discrimination on the basis of race, religion, sex, age, color, national or ethnic origin, or disability in the administration of its employment practices.

This however is the last sentence of their announcement:

Evidence of active membership in the Churches of Christ will be needed.

So they don’t discriminate against you unless you are NOT a member of the Church of Christ.

I’m also concerned about how they are doing a production of Guys and Dolls if they don’t allow musical instruments.  Silence would be a very interesting take on an overture.

Their Educational philosophy.

Lipscomb is committed to teach truth as revealed in God’s word through daily Bible classes and chapel, encouraging each student to an exploration of scripture, to know Jesus Christ and to grow in His image. Classes in every area are taught in a faith-informed approach by highly qualified faculty who represent the range of perspectives that exist among churches of Christ. “Faith-informed” learning encourages students to understand that all knowledge and skills are to be used to the glory of God in every pursuit. Because of its strong association with the churches of Christ, Lipscomb adheres to central doctrinal interpretations that characterize these churches while creating an inclusive environment that respects and welcomes all who seek an excellent education in a Christian context. Lipscomb also welcomes those for whom an awareness of the spiritual self is unexplored or recently awakened and who are willing to pursue a Christian education.

I’ve never met a theater designer who’s entire body of work was in the glory of god.  It’s actually kind of hard to do.  That’s not to say that some theater is not religious but I also don’t know a single designer who’d turn down the chance to do Vampire Lesbians of Sodom, or Angels in America, or Agnes of God.  And there’s always Corpus Christie if you are still looking for theater that offends.  Of course most of my friends are more offended by Phantom of the Opera or Neil Simon but they are just snobs.

So I don’t think it’s possible to get this job unless I believe in god.  Which I don’t.  And if they won’t hire me because I don’t believe in god, doesn’t that prove that they do discriminate based on religion?  Maybe I should apply, not get the job, and then sue for discrimination.  That way, they can pay me without having to do any work, and I won’t have to worry about waiting tables.

In the meantime I’ll keep waiting for new announcements.