An Opinion Poll.

In a month Adam and I will have been living together for a year.

In just four months we’ll have been a couple for two.

It’s a pretty amazing relationship.

He will tell you that I’m pretty much laid back.  Not much bothers me.  I tend to let him have his own way.  We watch his TV shows.  We see his movies.  We go to his restaurants.  It’s not that I’m soft.  Or don’t have an opinion.  Or won’t stand up for myself.  It’s really a two parter.  Sometime I don’t care one way or another and sometimes I just want to make him happy.

If it’s something I fell strongly about I speak up.  I wanted to sit and have a glass of wine before the show we saw on Saturday.  He didn’t.  I insisted.  Now he thinks I have a drinking problem.  That’s another post though.

When it’s something I feel strongly about though, I speak up.  Loudly.  I don’t yell.  But I make it clear that I don’t agree.

On Saturday night I made that stand.

Adam and I have scheduled out calendar all the way through the end of January.

For Thanksgiving, I have to work in the a.m.  I have to work it to get off for Christmas.  Thanksgiving night we are having dinner at home.  Alone.  We both agreed that’s what we wanted to do.

Friday, Saturday, and Sunday we are decorating for Christmas.

On Sunday night I fly to San Diego to do a show.

That was the plan.

Until.

Adam’s father called to say that he and Adam’s stepmom were coming to Philadelphia for Thanksgiving and would like us to come down and join them.

Hmm.

It kind of screws with our plans but what are plans for if not to reschedule.  (Just for the record, if Adam had made the plans and they were being changed he’d freak out…but once again that’s another post.)

I really don’t want to travel on Thanksgiving.  I have to work.  And I don’t want to eat in a restaurant when I’m dating the best cook I know.  I want dinner at home.

So I suggested that Adam invite his family to our place for dinner.  Philadelphia is only about two hours from the city and on Thanksgiving traffic would not be a problem.  They could have dinner with us, and then on Friday we’d all go to Philly for the weekend.

Adam thought this was a good idea.

HIS FATHER DID NOT!

Seems that his father and step mom don’t want to come have dinner with us.

When I heard this my head exploded.

WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!

You mean that THEY are willing to come all the way to Philadelphia and are NOT willing to come two more hours to have dinner with us.  You can’t come into the city to see where we live?  Where we share our lives together?

REALLY?

REALLY!

I sort of lost my cool.  And I wasn’t very supportive.  I’ve apologized since.

But here is the deal.

I’d never forgive my family if they came this close to me and didn’t visit.  I also don’t want to make changes to my weekend and my plans to accommodate them when they can’t make changes to accommodate us.

I told Adam on Saturday night that if that’s the way they felt then fine.  But don’t expect me to go to them.  If they can’t see us, then I’m not going to spend money to see them.

It’s a fucking HOLIDAY for christ sake.

Why should we change our plans, spend money we don’t have to go visit people that WON’T come to our house.

It actually makes me reconsider whether I want to go to their house for Xmas.  It will cost us about 1300 dollars just to get to Texas for Christmas.  And they can’t spend 15 dollars each to ride the bus to NYC?

So.

Am I over reacting?

I know that I was probably out of line on Saturday.  It made me mad.  Once I cooled off I apologized.  But I still don’t know how to feel about all of this.  I just think they are being silly.  And it’s actually hard NOT to take this personally.  Are they not comfortable in our home.  Do they not approve of our relationship?  What’s the deal?

So.

How would you respond?

Now.

How would you respond without having your boyfriend break up with you?

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Maddog Responds.

Comment left on my blog yesterday…

You should delete this post as it makes you look like a fool. A hypocritical fool. For you, of all people, to espouse freedom of religion is almost comical. You are quite the religious freedom fighter, unless it is Christianity. Perhaps you are not aware that Muslims believe homosexuality is punishable by death, and is often carried out in Muslim countries. I wonder how Iran’s gay marriage rights are coming along? While they do have a right to build a mosque near WTC, that does not make it the right thing to do. Let’s say a crazy member of Fred Phelp’s church blew up a GLBT center, and then good old Fred wanted to build a church on that site. I can just imagine the hate filled rant you would post in that situation, and “freedom of religion” would certainly not be a consideration.

Hmmm.

I’ve never been personally attacked on my blog before.  It’s kind of fun.

And since it’s my forum I get to respond how I like.

And since I’m not one to back down from a fight…

HERE GOES!

I appreciate your comment.  I really do.

But let’s look at some things.

As for looking like a fool.  You say this like I don’t know it.  Of course I look like a fool.  Sometimes.  We all do.  It’s called being human.  Am I a fool for this post?  I don’t think so.

You are right.  I don’t much like most christians.  Especially the ones who get on TV and spew their hate filled rhetoric.  Nope.  Don’t like them one bit.  I also don’t much like muslims and their hate filled rhetoric.  If you’d read the whole post which it appears you did not you one have seen that I’d love it if all organized religion went away.  ALL OF IT.  How many people have died because of the word of god?  How many.  Too many to count.  Too many died just today, if the truth was known.  I believe that if everyone gave up religion there’d be far more peace.  Far more tolerance for each other.  Let’s rule the land with man’s law.  Not a made up god’s law.

And since I’ve made clear that I don’t like organized religion I get to include the islamic faith.  Nope don’t like them much at all.  Yes, they espouse hate.  They treat women like shit.  They have laws that ban freedoms that everyone should have.  But I also know that not all muslims believe this.  And for every muslim that believes I should die, there is probably a christian who thinks the same thing, although probably not out loud.

I get to include all other faiths in this list as well.

All religions promise people things they can’t deliver and spend a lot of time on rules that are silly and unnecessary.  Don’t drink.  Don’t swear.  Don’t eat pork.  Don’t eat shellfish.  Don’t dance.  Don’t have sex.  Don’t listen to rock music.  Don’t be gay.  Don’t.  Don’t.  Don’t.  Very rarely do they tell you what you can do except prey.  And that wasn’t a poor choice of words.  Prey.  Prey on the weak.  Convince others to believe the stupid shit you believe.  Convince them to give their money so they too can get into heaven.  Promise them everlasting life.  Convince others to give up their joys in life and swear to be true and loyal to your one and only god.  You know the one that destroys entire cities in Louisiana (today’s the anniversary) for no real reason, although Pat Robertson would have you believe it’s because I’m gay.

Yes, you can pretty much say that I hate organized religion.

That being said, I do agree that you get to live your life the way you want it.  If you want to believe in an imaginary being that will whisk you away to a place where angels will play harps for all of eternity then you get that right.  If I want to believe that god is as real as Santa Claus and is no more likely to let me live forever than he’s going to let me win a billion dollars.  That’s MY right.  But you get to decide these things.  And as long as your rights don’t impose themselves on me we’ll get along fine.

And yes you are right, a lot of the muslim world believes that homosexuality should be punished by death.  And yes, everyday as a community we fight to change their views.  These countries also believe a lot of things we don’t support in the western world.  As I’ve already said not all muslims believe this.  I know several gay muslims.  I’m friends with a lot of people that practice the muslim religion.  And NONE of these people believe these things.  They’ve found the love that is taught in the Koran, much as some Christians are able to find the love that is taught in the bible.

And now to the big fuck up in your statement.

You say:  Let’s say a crazy member of Fred Phelp’s church blew up a GLBT center, and then good old Fred wanted to build a church on that site. I can just imagine the hate filled rant you would post in that situation, and “freedom of religion” would certainly not be a consideration.

Fred is an extremist.  Fred believes a lot of shit that the rest of the Christian world denounces.  The members of the muslim world that blew up the World Trade Centers were extremists.  Most of the muslim world denounce their actions.  The reality is:  it’s not extremist that want to build a community center.  It’s not extremist that want to share their religion with the community.  They are peaceful, loving people.  And they have a right to use their property as they want.  People on our side use the same logic to argue their point.  When is too soon to have a catholic church run a school?  When is too soon to let them build a cathedral next to a playground.  There have been far more children molested in the United States and had their lives ruined by “men of the cloth” than were killed on September 11.

Let them build their church.

Let them build their cathedrals.

Let them be gay.

Let them fuck doggie style on Sunday mornings while drinking wine and eating lobster.

Let them believe that god is the being behind all the evil in the world.

Let them believe that god is the being behind all the good in the world.

Believe what you want.

But your beliefs don’t get to supersede mine.  Your god doesn’t get to trump mine.  Your faith doesn’t get to be more authentic than mine.  If you are a christian which I assume you are because of the anger in your post, then remember this.  We are ALL created in god’s image.  And my image is just as beautiful and important as yours.

And if you don’t believe this.

Well then.

Fuck you!

PS.  Don’t ever tell me to delete one of my posts again.  I write what I feel.  It’s my blog.  If you don’t like what I have to say, then move a long.  There are almost 300,000 bloggers on WordPress.  Surely one of them believes in the shit that you believe in.  Go bother them.

Maddog’s Rantings

Adam comes home tomorrow (today).  I’ll be happy when he’s back in NYC.  I’ve missed him.

That’s all I got.

No seriously.

Okay.

Well maybe not.

In case you guys didn’t know it.  I lean a little to the left.  Sometimes I wonder how I don’t fall over because I lean so far to the left.

I actually liked things better when I wasn’t so involved and informed.

But what can you do.

So there’s this little construction project being discussed in NYC.  Perhaps you’ve heard of it.  It’s being built about four blocks from ground zero and has the country in a tizzy.

Well.

It’s America.  A free country…so to speak.  Our rights are protected by the constitution.  And unless I’m mistaken there is a freedom of religion clause.

So these people need to sit down and shut the fuck up about the mosque.  Community Center.

As for the “holiness” of ground zero…There is a titty bar, an adult video store, a liquor store and an off track betting parlor closer.  What do these things do for the memory of the men and women who died.  And how solemn will the Starbucks be that’s going to be in the mall that’s in the basement of the new office building that’s going to occupy the site.  Do you think the employees entering and leaving the building will have to say a prayer each time they do so?   If we really want to honor the dead and create a memorial then build a park.  But in case you didn’t know it’s a HUGE spot of land that is worth billions of dollars.  Capitalism will always win out over anything else.

I don’t want to make light of what happened on 9/11.  It was a tragic event that has affected us all.  Unfortunately it’s being allowed to shape our nation in a way that’s not good.  The day/event/deaths should not be politicized.  Unfortunately the only reason people can give for not building the center is that it’s an insult to the deaths of 3,000 people.  You know what I think is an insult.  Dividing the country over it.  Using those deaths to spit on the constitution and declare the faiths of some of our citizens are not as valid as those of others.  We’ve heard for years that if we do this, don’t do that the terrorist will win.  You know what.  If we don’t build the center the terrorist will win.  Because it’s going to prove their point about how Americans view muslims and the Islamic faith.

As for me, I’d be happy if the constitution banned all religion.  Everyday it seems that I’m proven right that 90% of the issues in this country wouldn’t exist if organized religion went away.

Tuesday night.

Ugh.

I’ve been missing in action again.

I’ve been depressed.

Not sleeping.

Ugh.

Adam flew to Texas last Thursday.

His grandfather has been sick for a while and last week his father told him that if he wanted to see his grandfather alive he should come to Texas.  He spent two days debating whether he should go.

I finally told him:  “You’ll never regret having gone.  You might regret NOT having gone.”

So last Thursday he flew to Texas.

And that means I’ve been sleeping alone.  That I spent the weekend alone.

I don’t like sleeping alone.  I don’t like spending my weekends alone.  How the fuck did I do it for so long.  I actually told Adam last night that it’s not so much depression as the realization of how sucky my life was before we met.  Yuck.

It’s nice to have someone to spend time with.  Share you life with.  Plan your life with.

In fact as of two weeks ago our calendar is planned through Valentine’s Day of next year.  There was a time when that would have scared me.  Now it makes me smile.  Makes me happy.

I really do love him.  More than anyone I’ve ever loved.

HE makes me happy.

His grandfather died at 4:00 a.m. on Monday morning.  He’d been declining rapidly for about six months.  I was asked by a co-worker what he died from.  I told them he was just old.  His grandfather turned 102 in May.  He’d lived a long and healthy life.  To my knowledge he never really had any health issues until the last year.

He was surrounded by him family when he passed.

That’s exactly how I’d like my life to end.

PS.  Yes Adam.  I’m a little teary eyed as I right this.  He knew without me telling him anyway.

It’s Late Part 2.

It’s 5:03.  I want to be in bed in five minutes.  I still have to shower.  So it’s a short post.

Very short.

So short in fact that it’s barely a post.

So in the interest of keeping everyone entertained, tell us something fun about yourself.

That includes Chuck and Adam as well.

It’s Late

Was on my way to do a post and got side tracked after googling for photos from the birthday party.  Adam was mentioned in People’s pet magazine which is pretty awesome.

Will write more tomorrow of our hosting a reception for Adam’s friend Chris’ son’s baptistm.  There are three apostrophes in that sentence I hope it makes sense.

I hope they appreciate everything he’s we’re doing.  So far they don’t act it.

Happy Birthday!!!!

This has to be a fast post.

I have till Adam is finished showering.  Then it’s my turn and we have to get to bed.  We have to be up early in the morning which as most of you know I don’t like.

So.

On Wednesday Adam had a cake due.

It was a birthday cake for the cat at the Alg. hotel in Times Square.  She is 15 years old and every year they have a birthday party as a fundraiser for an animal shelter.

I took the day off and we took a car downtown with four or five boxes worth of “stuff” including the cake.

Adam put it together while I was off collecting my scanner from Chuck.

Around 5:30 or so the official event started which was a cocktail party, followed by a cat fashion show.  It all culminated with the cutting of the birthday cake.

The whole party was mentioned on the Gothamist blog of NYC events.

So without further ado.

Here are photos of the event including the cake.

The Big Event

I almost forgot.  Animal Planet was there filming for their cat show and National Geographic was there filming for a “working cat” segment on cats in NYC that have “jobs.”  I’ll let you know when we hear they’ll be on TV.

Maddog. Phone Home!

I got a comment from a Debbie Downer in reference to my post about my mother.

I understand completely where she was coming from.

She was not being a Debbie Downer.  I love my mom.  I really do.

The reason my relationship with my mom is so taxing is that she doesn’t really take an interest in my life.  Or she doesn’t know how to talk to me about it.

She never asks about Adam.

She only wants to know if I made money at work.  Never questions about my night, etc.

She has no interest in my design work.

The only real employment questions she asks is if I’ve applied for any new jobs.  Clearly the jobs I have are not enough.

She never asks about my home.  She never asks about Harper the cat.  She never asks about Adam’s family even though she knows his grandfather is not doing well.  She never asks about our plans for the weekend.  She never asks about…

You get the point.  And the problem with this is that ALL of our phone conversations are at least 20 minutes long.  Sometimes longer.

I know it’s bad, but I usually sit at my computer and read Facebook status updates or Joe.My.God, or the news or the weather.  I say yes and no where it appropriate and wait for the 20 minutes to be up before I say I have to go.  I hate that I do that, but I don’t know what else to do.  I also secretly pray that she doesn’t answer when I call so that I won’t have to spend 20 minutes with her on the phone that day.

All of this would be made so much easier if she did anything.  But all she does is go to work and come home and talk to relatives (Aunt Doo and Aunt Betty) on the phone.

I know I’m lucky that I still have her.  Many of my friends do not have their parents.

It just makes me sad that we don’t have a real relationship.  Adam has suggested that I talk to her about this.  I probably should but every time I bring up something she gets depressed and is mad at me for days.  And our relationship has been this way since forever.  In high school and college she never had any idea what I was studying at school.  She didn’t really even know what I was doing.  She knew all the important facts but little else seem to matter.  I was always where I was supposed to be and didn’t cause her much worry.  My brother was the problem child and therefore needed more time.  I learned to take the back burner and lived that way for a long time.  My mother would insist that she treats us both the same.  My brother will tell you I’m her favorite.  And I probably am…NOW.  Which makes me really sad for my brother because if my relationship with my mom is like this…how is his relationship with my mom.

And so I’ll go to bed.  And around 1:15 as I’m just starting to think about getting out of bed, my phone will ring.  I won’t answer.  I rarely answer.  The message will say, “Maddog, it’s mom.  Just wanted to let you know I was home from work.  Call me when you get the  chance.”

I usually wait till I have a cup of coffee in my hand and am sitting at my computer to call her back.

She’ll answer and say, “What are you doing?”  And I’ll reply, “Just got out of bed.”  And thus begins our ritual.

I’ve become very sad typing this.

Home Sweet Home.

I spent almost five weeks in Kentucky.

At my mom’s.

I’m still amazed that I was able to get through it calmly.

For the most part it was fine.  In all fairness it really was fine.  I didn’t see her a lot.  She worked during the day.  I worked at night.  We went almost four days without even running into each other.  Which worked for both of us sort of.

She is really passive aggressive.

One weekend the church that she tries to attend was having a church picnic with live music.  She wanted to go.  She asked me at least ten times whether I was going to have to work that Sunday.  Each time I told her I didn’t know.  When it got closer to the time I finally told her that I couldn’t take her.  That didn’t slow down the asking.  She kept right on asking.

AND.

THEN.

It turned out that I could take her.  I didn’t have to be at work till much later so I told her I’d be happy to take her.  (Maybe not happy but you know what I mean.)  And wouldn’t you know it.  She no longer wanted to go.  Seems someone had broken into the church and stolen the air conditioner and so it was going to be hot.  So she’d decided not to go.

FUCK!

Getting her to commit to anything is next to impossible.  I invited her to see the last show I was designing.  She didn’t decide if she was going until about 5:30 the night of the show.

Fuck.

She really showed herself though after my Uncle Tom died.  She did nothing but be disparaging toward Aunt Doo.  To the point that a couple of times I had to walk out of the room to keep from yelling at her.

My favorite though was a day or two before I left.  We were talking and I asked if she’d talked to Aunt Doo.  She said, “Yes.  She’s sounds down or something, but she won’t tell me what’s wrong.”

#%#$^Q@#%@#$

Perhaps what’s wrong is that her husband just fucking died.  REALLY.  You couldn’t figure out what was wrong.

I know I should be more patient.  It’s just hard sometime.

All that being said, it was nice to see her and not have to rush out the door to get back home.  It was nice to not have to drive around one day visiting all the relatives.  It was nice to not feel so guilty when I packed up and left.  I almost got the feeling that she was ready for me to leave when I finally did.

Of course she’s already started with the “when are you coming back home” questions.

UGH!

Separate and Lonely!

It’s August.

I spent the entire month of July in Kentucky.

Away from Adam.

We are both VERY co-dependent.  We do everything together.  NEVER do we socialize apart when the other is free.  I’d never say that I’m going to to the movies on a Saturday afternoon while he bakes a cake.  It’s just not done that way.  If we are off work together then we are spending time together.

And speaking for myself I think it’s great.

I also tend to get a little grumpy when we have to go too long without seeing each other.  We live together but during the week we don’t actually get to see each other awake at all.

I’m asleep when Adam leaves for work.  Adam’s at work when I leave for work.  I’m gone when he gets home.  He’s asleep when I get home.  The entire process can be repeated five times depending on our work schedules.  Last week was especially hard because I worked all five days.  Typically my weeks are only four days.

So the idea of being away from Adam for a month was daunting to say the least.

It also doesn’t help that a year ago I went to California to do a show and didn’t do my best at calling as much as I should.  He’s never let me live that down.

So on Sunday, June 27th I got into my car and left NYC headed to Kentucky.  It’s very hard to drive away and see your boyfriend in the rear view mirror.  Very hard indeed.  It’s made worse by the reality that the first time I ever did that I was moving to Alabama and I was leaving Sam behind.  He was bawling like a baby.   24 hours later I’d been replaced.  It brings up not so nice memories.  So there I was driving away, knowing that I wouldn’t see him for four weeks.

It was hard.

Sometimes you just need a hug.

I think I was good about checking in.  I called a lot.  As much as I could actually.  There were really only a few days that were tricky.  Since we rehearsed at night there were times that I couldn’t talk to him because of the schedule and he was in bed before we got to a stopping part.  I also slept late most days so he didn’t hear from me till 2:00 or 4:00 or even later.

I think we did okay.  I counted down the days.  I sent him cards telling him how much I missed him.  I sent him a care package.  Little things that I picked up for him.

And eventually, on August 23rd he flew to Kentucky.  I picked him up at the airport and I’d never been so happy to see someone ever.

He spent the weekend with me and then on Tuesday we drove back to NYC.  We had fun.  I’ll fill you in on those details this week.