In a month Adam and I will have been living together for a year.
In just four months we’ll have been a couple for two.
It’s a pretty amazing relationship.
He will tell you that I’m pretty much laid back. Not much bothers me. I tend to let him have his own way. We watch his TV shows. We see his movies. We go to his restaurants. It’s not that I’m soft. Or don’t have an opinion. Or won’t stand up for myself. It’s really a two parter. Sometime I don’t care one way or another and sometimes I just want to make him happy.
If it’s something I fell strongly about I speak up. I wanted to sit and have a glass of wine before the show we saw on Saturday. He didn’t. I insisted. Now he thinks I have a drinking problem. That’s another post though.
When it’s something I feel strongly about though, I speak up. Loudly. I don’t yell. But I make it clear that I don’t agree.
On Saturday night I made that stand.
Adam and I have scheduled out calendar all the way through the end of January.
For Thanksgiving, I have to work in the a.m. I have to work it to get off for Christmas. Thanksgiving night we are having dinner at home. Alone. We both agreed that’s what we wanted to do.
Friday, Saturday, and Sunday we are decorating for Christmas.
On Sunday night I fly to San Diego to do a show.
That was the plan.
Adam’s father called to say that he and Adam’s stepmom were coming to Philadelphia for Thanksgiving and would like us to come down and join them.
It kind of screws with our plans but what are plans for if not to reschedule. (Just for the record, if Adam had made the plans and they were being changed he’d freak out…but once again that’s another post.)
I really don’t want to travel on Thanksgiving. I have to work. And I don’t want to eat in a restaurant when I’m dating the best cook I know. I want dinner at home.
So I suggested that Adam invite his family to our place for dinner. Philadelphia is only about two hours from the city and on Thanksgiving traffic would not be a problem. They could have dinner with us, and then on Friday we’d all go to Philly for the weekend.
Adam thought this was a good idea.
HIS FATHER DID NOT!
Seems that his father and step mom don’t want to come have dinner with us.
When I heard this my head exploded.
WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!
You mean that THEY are willing to come all the way to Philadelphia and are NOT willing to come two more hours to have dinner with us. You can’t come into the city to see where we live? Where we share our lives together?
I sort of lost my cool. And I wasn’t very supportive. I’ve apologized since.
But here is the deal.
I’d never forgive my family if they came this close to me and didn’t visit. I also don’t want to make changes to my weekend and my plans to accommodate them when they can’t make changes to accommodate us.
I told Adam on Saturday night that if that’s the way they felt then fine. But don’t expect me to go to them. If they can’t see us, then I’m not going to spend money to see them.
It’s a fucking HOLIDAY for christ sake.
Why should we change our plans, spend money we don’t have to go visit people that WON’T come to our house.
It actually makes me reconsider whether I want to go to their house for Xmas. It will cost us about 1300 dollars just to get to Texas for Christmas. And they can’t spend 15 dollars each to ride the bus to NYC?
Am I over reacting?
I know that I was probably out of line on Saturday. It made me mad. Once I cooled off I apologized. But I still don’t know how to feel about all of this. I just think they are being silly. And it’s actually hard NOT to take this personally. Are they not comfortable in our home. Do they not approve of our relationship? What’s the deal?
How would you respond?
How would you respond without having your boyfriend break up with you?