I’ve been at a loss as to what to write lately. I sit down and put my hands on the keyboard, look at the white space on my monitor and wait. And wait. And wait. And nothing happens. It’s not like I’m at a loss for opinions. I have opinions on tons of shit. I just don’t really feel like complaining right now. And then I try to write something nice and positive, and that won’t come either. Instead I end up surfing the net, and going to bed, feeling like I’ve let down the three readers I’ve got left.
I should tell you about my trip home to Kentucky last weekend.
Last Friday morning at 7:15 a.m. Adam and I loaded our crap into a rental car. We stopped at Starbucks for coffee and McDonalds for Egg McMuffins and Diet Coke. At approximately 8:00 we crossed the George Washington Bridge, turned right, and headed southeast to Kentucky. I was driving. Actually I was the only one who could drive. Adam wasn’t on the rental agreement and to have him insured would have more than doubled the rental cost. So it was just me. He was navigating.
And so we drove. Turn here. Turn there. Stay in this lane. Stay in that lane. Watch for I-78. Wait. We just passed I-78. No. No. It’s up ahead. No. I promise you we just passed I-78. No it’s too soon. We can’t have passed it. So I trusted him that we had not passed it, and I continued to drive. 45 minutes later when we still hadn’t passed it I suggested we stop and see what was going on. We stopped at one of the travel plazas on I-95 and looked at a map. Sure enough, we’d passed it a while ago. (I was right, but I didn’t make a big thing out of it. Just that I was right.) I suggested that we just buy the Atlas and do the trip the old fashioned way. Throw away the Mapquest directions and just decide where we were going and how to get there. So I shelled out the 25.00 bucks and we were on our way.
When it was all said and done, it turns out that we probably only added about 40 minutes to the trip. We didn’t have to backtrack. We just drove a few more minutes south, picked up the Pennsylvania Turnpike and we were back on track.
Does anyone else know that Pennsylvania goes on and on and on and on. We drove for days on the fucking road and we didn’t get any closer to anything. We just drove and drove and drove. We stopped every 90 minutes or so to pee since we couldn’t quite get our schedules together. And of course there was always a shortage of Diet Coke. So we probably would have made more progress if we hadn’t stopped so much.
We decided to get lunch at Breezewood, Pennsylvania. It’s kind of the halfway point in the state of Pennsylvania. It’s a scary, scary, scary place. And it’s kind of hard to explain why. Perhaps it was the freaky girl who waited on us at Pizza Hut. Or the man sitting behind us that belched every three or four minutes during our entire lunch. Or perhaps it was the 378 bikers that pulled up in the parking lot. Or perhaps it was the lady who was showing off her Jesus Loves Me bracelets. Or perhaps it was the crazy girl at Dairy Queen. Although the one common denominator in the whole equation was us. So perhaps we were the freaky, crazy ones.
Finally we were on our way. And so we drove and drove and drove and drove. And finally we paid our toll and crossed out of Pennsylvania. With the tolls in Jersey and now Pennsylvania we’d already spent 30.00. Just for the right to drive. Once we were in Ohio the trip seemed to pick up pace. And finally we seemed to be making more progress. Around 7:00 about 30 miles outside of Columbus we drove through a little area and as we passed we saw a J.C. Penny Clearance store. So we got off at the next exit, turned around, and headed back. We’ve never been one to pass up cheap stuff. It was a nice store actually. And the stuff was okay. I ended up buying a shirt, and some socks. Adam bought a couple of things and then we were back on the road.
And we drove. And drove. And drove.
Finally we were in Cincinnati.
And hungry again.
And we had to pee.
So I picked an exit I knew from when I lived there. And what would you know there was one of Adam’s favorite restaurants. The Cheesecake Factory. I asked him if he’d like to stop. He wouldn’t answer. It basically came down to whether we should stop and eat dinner, or pick up something to eat in the car and drive the 90 more miles to my mom’s house. I voted to stop and eat and so we did.
It was nice to be out of the car. And holding my boyfriends hand. And chatting. And discussing how nervous we both were about his meeting my mom. By this time it was almost 11:00 so we paid our check and we were on our way. Three minutes later, Adam was asleep and I was on my own. I’ve driven this stretch of road a million times, but it seemed to go on forever. I was tired, and sleepy, and nervous, and I just wanted to be home. I stared at the road intently afraid at this point that I was too tired to drive. And I drove and drove. And finally we drove into Georgetown. Back into civilization. I’d made it and I was awake.
I woke Adam up as we drove the last twelve miles. And about a mile from the exit I called my mom to tell her that I was just about there. And then I noticed a police car in the lane in front of me. And I was moving toward it and I assumed it was moving as well. Until I was about 500 feet from it and discovered that it was sitting still in the middle of the Interstate. I slammed on the brakes and came to a stop a few feet from him. I was finally able to pull around him and I still have no idea why he was stopped in the middle of the road. I just know it scared the crap out of me.
And then we exited, turned left, and then left again. Drove to the stop sign. Turned right. Turned right into my mother’s drive way.
And there we were.
Ready for my mom to meet Adam. My boyfriend.