Tuesday Night.

I had a rather interesting day today.  I actually spent the entire day at home.  With no TV and no radio.  And it was super quiet outside with the snow falling.  And I didn’t feel like I was going to jump out of my skin.  I sat at my computer and checked email, returned some personal email that I’d been putting off, looked for work, updated my resume, chatted on online with some friends, transferred some files from my old computer to my new computer.  And  before I knew it, it was 5:30.   I was still in my pajamas and hadn’t showered yet.

All in all it was a nice day.

Tonight was even better.

Adam came over and we ordered pizza.  Then we sat on the couch and chatted and held hands and chatted and kissed and chatted and made out and chatted and sort of watched American Idol, and chatted, and kissed…you get the picture.

He left around 10:30.  It was a school night and he wanted to get home to get to bed somewhat early.

Tomorrow we are going to have dinner and see a play.  And I’m going to spend the night at his house.  I can’t forget to take my medication this time so I can sleep a little.  Of course when I don’t sleep I lie there and listen to him breathe.  I don’t tell him this because I think it’s kind of creepy.  But I’m kind of tired when I don’t sleep and I do have to work on Thursday, so I’ll need my rest.

WordPress just ate the rest of my post.

I was saying the depression is certainly getting better.  Maybe it’s the weather, the medication or the boyfriend.  I don’t really care.  I’m just glad it’s lifting.  Now if spring will just get here.

A Maddog Update.

I’m feeling better.  A lot of the intense depression seems to have lifted.  I think it’s just running it’s course.  I also think it’s because a lot of the things causing me stress have leveled out.

Work has been okay.  There is a severe lack of money for most everyone there.  I happen to be one of the lucky ones.  I’m still getting three shifts a week.  And I seem to be making okay money on those shifts.  Truth be told, I don’t think we are that much slower than last year, and a couple of managers support that statement.  The problem it seems, is that we have almost thirty more servers on the schedule than last year.  So when you spread out what few shifts there are, it means everyone is getting less.

One of the reasons I’m one of the lucky ones is that I only work cocktails.  And it’s a station that most people want no part of.  So I’m being rewarded for doing such a good job the rest of the year.  Let’s hope they continue to think that.  And because I work cocktails, I stay all night.  Many people are sent home after only an hour or two of work.  I’m there for the duration.  And it seems that for the last week or so, by 11:30 or so, along with the other cocktailer, I am the only one left, which means if there is any kind of late night rush we get those tables.  One of the reasons they are okay with cutting down this far, is because they know I can handle the business.  They joke about whether I’m okay when I have six or seven tables.

And at the end of the day I’m making enough money to survive.  I don’t have a lot of play money but that’s okay.  This month everything was paid on time.  I owe a friend some money that I borrowed while my foot was broken but I should be able to give him that by the weekend.  And as long as everything is getting paid, even if it’s the minimum due, then I really can’t complain.  I am one of the lucky Americans who still has a job.

I also have to remember that I have a great living situation.  I still think Chuck is the best roommate ever.  I actually enjoy when he’s home and we sit and talk.  In the past there were many situations that while driving home I would say a little prayer that they not be there.  That is not the case now.  In fact it’s quite comforting to turn the corner and see lights on in the apartment.  I only hope that Chuck feels the same.

And last but not least.

And probably what most of you want to hear about.

Adam.

Things are good.  In fact things are very good.  We are spending a significant amount ot time together.  Luckily he works 9 to 5 during the day and I work at night so there is built in alone time and days we can’t see each other.  The time we spend together is nice.  He’s very affectionate.  It seems that he is always touching me.  He loves holding my hands and will often seek them out.  We hold hands in public, (something David freaked out about) even on the subway.

We also have a lot in common.

Turns out it’s been almost four since he was in any kind of relationship.  It’s a long story, that I don’t feel comfortable sharing.  He seems to be working past it.  What this means is that we’ve been able to talk about our fears about opening up to anyone and getting hurt again.  We’ve both joked about the fact that we aren’t getting married…yet.  We are just having fun.

He lives two subways stops from me.  I joked on our second date that if he lived in Queens that we wouldn’t be having a second date.  I know that sounds sort of extreme, but if he lived in Queens we would be almost 90 minutes from each other.  Which becomes a long distance relationship.  It would take a lot of effort to sustain a relationship while living that far apart.  As it is, I can walk to his apartment in about 20 minutes.  By subway/bus it’s about 15 minutes.  By  car it’s about 5 minutes and costs six dollars.  It’s very convenient to be at either one of our apartments.

We both have a very small group of friends in the city.  Most of our friends live outside of NYC.  Which means that neither of us spends a lot of time going out in the city.

Adam spends a lot of time at home.  He’s an avid watcher of reality TV (something I’ve learned to get past).  He also loves to cook.  He’s the only person I know that cooks for himself when he is at home.  And I don’t mean microwaving macaroni and cheese.   He actually cooks for himself.  He did tell me a week or so ago that it’s much more fun to cook for two.   On Sunday he made me dinner.  Turns our he really can cook.  He made roast chicken.  Even his presentation of the food was great.  I provided the wine, which seemed to make him happy.   I told him I had about 20 bottles of wine at home so he was going to have to cook me at least 20 meals.  He told me that would be great.  I think we are going to have steak this Sunday because I have an expensive bottle of red wine that will go great with red meat.

Economically, I think we are in the same boat.  I don’t know how much he makes, and he doesn’t know how much I make, but based on conversations I would guess that it’s about the same.  Which means there is no stress about having to pay for dinner at an expensive restaurant, or wanting to spend hundreds of dollars on theatre tickets.  Tonight he is coming over and we are going to order Chinese and just spend the night watching TV.  Something both of us can afford.

He does have a cat.  Which I didn’t know about till I was already at his house on our first date.  But surprise of surprises.  I don’t seem to be allergic to his cat.  Normally my eyes begin to itch almost immediately and I start sneezing.  But his cat doesn’t bother me.  Which works out great.  She didn’t seem to like me at first, but she is coming around.  He told me she doesn’t like me because I sleep on her side of the bed.  I think she sleeps in the guest room now.  I don’t suppose I would like being sent to the guest room either.

We also sleep well together.  We cuddle nicely.  He likes to hold my hand while we are sleeping.  He will pull it over him and pull me closer.  And if I roll over in the other direction, he follows.  This goes on all night.  The only real catch is that I’m still learning to sleep at his home.  It’s been a long time since I’ve slept in someone else’s bed.  With that person.  I don’t tend to sleep well the first few times.  I’ve also been distracted a couple of times and have forgotten to take my medicication, which causes me not to sleep well.  I’ve told him he has to remind me to take it from now on.

And the sex is great.  Very great.  Insanely great.  I won’t share the details.  But we are quite compatible.  And our relationship isn’t just about sex.  We actually spend more time just making out than having sex.  Which is just as fun.  It’s been a long time since I was compatible with a boyfriend.  Jim and I were great.   We both liked it about the same amount.  If I hadn’t been cheating on him it would probably have been better.  Sam and I were sort of compatible but he didn’t like it as much as I did.  He’s the only 21 year old I’ve ever known that would regularly turn down a blow job.  Keith and I never had sex.  I loved him dearly and we were great friends.  But he wasn’t my type.  And I was definitely not his type.  He liked tall, skinny black men.  And I’m not tall.  I’ve never been skinny.  And I tan relatively easy.  But I don’t get THAT dark.  So we almost never had a sex.  And David was just boring.  He couldn’t kiss.  And the sex we did have was boring.  So I never sought it out.  This will not be the case with Adam.  I don’t think I’ll ever turn him down because it’s such fun.

And who knows how long this will last.  I do worry about getting hurt.  But I also know that we are still getting to know each other.  In another two months we may realize that we don’t like each other at all.  I don’t think this will be the case but you never know.  I do know that I’m excited about having someone to share Valentine’s Day with next week.  Neither of us think much of the day.  I think we are going to see a movie in the afternoon and then come home and have dinner together.  I also know that he’s agreed to go to Maine with me for my birthday.  Which is in 8 weeks.  So we are making some plans to spend time together in the future.

In the meantime, it’s just nice to have someone find me attractive and to have someone I find attractive.  It’s nice not spending time at the “movies.”  It’s nice having someone to spend my days off with.  It’s nice not sleeping alone.

It’s nice having something to look forward to.

It’s just nice.