Home Sweet Home!

After 8 very long months, I’m finally home in NYC with no plans to go anywhere in the future.  It feels nice to be here, although I have a long list of things that need to be done.  I figure I’ll get started on the list on Tuesday after the holiday weekend.

It was hard leaving Maine today.  Michelle and Lisa were really putting pressure on me to stay the weekend.  It would have been nice to spend a few more days there, but I was ready to be home.  I’m ready to sleep in my own bed on a regular basis, and spend time in my apartment.  More than anything, I’m ready to start my life in New York which has been on hold since I moved here last July.  I’ll let you know how it all goes.

Tomorrow I have to get up early to return the rental car that brought me back to NYC.  I have to have it downtown by noon.  Then I’m off to the gym.  Or at least to look at them.  I’m about 90% sure that I’m going to join New York Sports Club, but I’m going to try and have an open mind about it till I get there tomorrow.  The one unknown in the equation is how much each gym costs.  You can’t find that out on their website so I won’t know until tomorrow.  I don’t plan on working out tomorrow so that I won’t have too much pressure to actually sign papers.  But hopefully by the time I come home tomorrow afternoon, I’ll belong to a gym.

While I’m out of town, my roommate deposits my checks for me so that I have access to my money.  On Tuesday I got my last check from Oklahoma and so I asked him to go ahead and deposit it.  When I got home the receipt was lying on the dining room table with my mail.  I was shocked to find out they’d only paid me half my last amount due.  I have no idea why, but I’m hoping that it’s simply a mistake.  I really don’t want to have to argue with them about the money that I’m owed.  I’ll call them tomorrow and let them know what happened and hopefully it will be taken care of soon.  It’s not a ton of money, but it is extra spending money I thought I’d have for the weekend.


15 Dykes and Me…

It was a great last day in Maine. I woke up early (thanks to my alarm clock). I went downstairs to find Lisa in a state because Michelle was two hours late getting home from work and she was worried sick. It took about a half an hour but finally she was able to reach her and everything was fine. Michelle had worked the overnight shift again and was tired so she slept for a few hours before starting home. Once it was clear that Michelle was okay, Lisa went in to overdrive getting the house ready for the going away party tonight.

The house is Lisa’s domain and so when she gets in the zone it’s best to just get out of her way. She doesn’t want help and so it’s no use to offer. So I decided to go back to bed. I went back upstairs and took a two hour nap. I woke up to Michelle asking me if I wanted to go to breakfast. We all jumped in the car and headed downtown to Becky’s Diner. It’s your standard fare, and for breakfast it was delicious. With our stomach’s full and our bodies pumped with caffeine we were ready to start our day. I should probably mention that today was Michelle’s birthday, so there were presents at breakfast. The presents consisted of books on raising a puppy since they have decided to get a new dog in the next few weeks. So after breakfast we headed to the pound to look at puppies.

Going to the pound is always sad because you want to take every dog home with you. There was one lab mix puppy that was so sad and beautiful you just wanted to eat him up. Luckily, he had been adopted and so was waiting to go home with his new owners. This particular place didn’t have any puppies and M & L are looking for a puppy. They think Max will be more likely to bond with a dog that’s cute and cuddly as well as not likely to fight to be alpha dog. I think they are right. There are about 10 or so rescue shelters in the area so they are going to be checking them all out over the next few weeks.

With no puppy, we headed home, where I had been charged with cleaning the bathroom. Or at least the toilets. It’s not my favorite job but it seems to be the one that Lisa will let me do without complaining. So I cleaned the bathroom, and then straightened up my room. The actual room I sleep in is quite small so my suitcase and clothes are in another room. Michelle had a friend that was spending the night tonight so that room had to be cleared out. So I spent about 20 minutes or so packing up all my stuff and getting it put away. Now I’m already to leave tomorrow.

Then we headed off the back bay to do one last walk around. It was a beautiful day and the boys were out. It was a nice to way to say goodbye to Portland.

When I got home it was time to shower and get ready for the party. And party we did. There were 15 queer women and me. I was told tonight that many of them don’t like the term lesbian. It doesn’t describe how they feel about themselves and they feel it represents something other than what they are. They prefer the word DYKE or QUEER. I told them I would try to change my vocabulary. It was a beautiful night and we grilled out. There were fresh vegetables and veggie burgers and I had a big ole steak. Everyone was drinking. And in all we had a great time. It’s the first all female going away party I’ve ever had. I do have to say though I wasn’t the butchest one in the yard. Still, it was very nice of them to do this for me and for everyone to show up. It’s 12:30 right now and there are still people  downstairs talking and laughing. The only draw back about the whole evening was that I could not drink or eat the red velvet cake because I’m really trying to stick to this diet I’m on. A few margaritas and a big piece of cake would have been nice, but I would have felt guilty tomorrow. So I can say honestly, that I stuck to my guns and said no.

Here are a few pictures of the evening.



Sent to bed without…

There was no post last night because I was sent to bed early.  Michelle had to be at work super early this morning and so she went to bed at 8:30.  At 9:30 Lisa decided to go to bed, but on night’s Michelle goes to bed early, Lisa sleeps on the couch.  In the living room.  Next to the extra room.  Without a door.  Where my computer is.  So at 9:30 I headed upstairs.  I took my computer with me, but I couldn’t get comfortable with it in the bed.  So after about 15 minutes I said fuck it and closed it.  I read for a about 30 or so minutes before I turned out the light and went to sleep.  I must say it’s nice to get to bed early every once in a while, but it’s also nice to go to bed when you want to, not when you are told to.

I’ve now read at least 10 posts today about Senator Larry Craig.  I don’t have much to add.  You do have to wonder though how many more of these supposed anti-gay, Republican types are going to be caught with their hands in the cookie jar.  Being caught in a public restroom when you are a public official is always going to make the news.  When you are by definition against the very thing you are doing, it’s really going to make the news.  I’m hoping when this is all said and done he’s dragged through the ringer.  Anyone who preaches hate deserves nothing less.

So I was going to go to California on Saturday.  It’s been almost a year since I’ve been out in San Diego and it would be nice to see my friends.  I have even gone so far as to call them all and tell them I was coming.  But yesterday I changed my mind.  And why do you ask.  First and foremost, if I go to California it will involve much beer drinking.  I always tend to drink more when I’m with those friends.  It just what we do.  Unfortunately, I’m on week five of my diet and I’ve lost 22 pounds so far.  Not bad if you ask me.  If I go to California, I can kiss that loss good-bye and I wouldn’t be surprised if I come back fatter than when I started.   I also don’t really have the money.  My friend Lou’s boyfriend is a flight attendant and was going to get me the ticket for free.  But I would still have to rent a car, pay for gas and eat out every night.  And after really thinking about it, it’s not something I should do when I haven’t yet started my job and don’t have a ton of money.  So I think I’m going to wait till after Christmas to go.  By then I’ll have been working for a while, so I should have some money in the bank and I’ll have almost 5 months under my belt with the diet.  I’ll be on a little better ground if I wait.

So on Thursday I head back to New York City.  And this time it’s for good.  I have no other plans to go anywhere or do anything after I get there.  I’m just going to hang out for a couple of weeks until my job starts.  I am going to join a gym though.  I have to decided between New York Sports Club or Crunch.  NYSC is great because they have a branch on every corner.  They also have a 24 hour branch near my new restaurant job which could be nice for working out after the evening shift.  It’s also nice because when you have to go to the bathroom in New York, you just flash your membership card and run in and do it.  The downside is they tend to be a little overcrowded and in some areas of the city the attitudes are a little much.  And then there’s Crunch.  I don’t know much about them but I have a couple of friends who love them.  The advertise themselves as being the gym for everybody.  However, there aren’t as many locations and the one closest to my job is still several blocks farther than NYSC.  I don’t have clue what either gym charges.  And of course they won’t even discuss it with you until you come in and take a tour.  Everytime I’ve done a gym membership I’ve felt like I was selling my soul.  It’s equally as bad as buying a used car.  That being said, I have to do it.  If I’m going to get and stay skinny, it’s going to be with the help of a gym.

One last note.  The lesbians are so sad to see me go they are giving me a going away cook-out.  Tomorrow night about 10 – 15 of Michelle and Lisa’s friends are coming over to say good-bye.  They are all sad that I’m not staying, and I’m still hearing reasons why I should stay.  Of course not one of them has offered to support me, find me a job, a place to live, or any of the essentials needed to live in Maine.  But either way, I’ll get to eat steak tomorrow night, and hang out with lesbians and say farewell to Maine for the moment.

A Random Meme…

I stole this meme off a friend’s MySpace account. It’s definitely for straight people and it’s kind of bizarre because the questions are totally random. But it is keeping me from having to think of something to write about tonight.

Have a great week everyone.

1. What is your best friend’s Dad’s name?
I just realized I don’t know. I call him Mr. Morgan when I met him and that’s only been once.

2. What body part do you hate the most?
For me it’s my gut. I wish it weren’t so big. On others, there really isn’t a part that I hate.

3. Who was the hottest teacher you ever had?
Mr. Fuller in 6th grade. I had the biggest crush on him and didn’t understand why.

4. Have you ever made out in a basement?
I’ve gone all the way in a basement. Does that count?

5. What body part do you wash first in the shower?
My chest.

6. Do you have any piercings?
Not anymore. I used to have my nipple pierced but it wouldn’t heal.

7. Do you have any tattoos?
Nope, I’m convinced that I’ll change my mind the minute it’s over and then have to spend thousands of dollars getting it removed.

8. Is your driveway steep?
I don’t have a driveway.

9. What’s your favorite flavored Pringle
sour cream & onion

10. Have you ever been tied up?
For what?

But for the record the answer is yes.

11. What was the worst thing you ever got grounded for?

By who? My parents? For staying out all night without calling, although in truth I tried but no one answered the phone.

12. Have you ever had two dates in one night?
Not dates, but I’ve hooked up more than once in a night.

13. How many times have you been cursed at?
Today, none. In my life several.

14. Which shoe do you put on first?
Always the right.

15. How old are you?
42 and counting.

16. Have you ever been to a gay bar?
This one makes me laugh. I guess you shouldn’t steal meme’s from your straight friends.

17. Have you ever had any Friends with Benefits?
Yes, I have although there aren’t any at the moment.

18. Is there one thing all of the times you have been in love have had in common?
They were all boys, and the relationship didn’t last.

19. Did you French kiss before you were 16?

20. Have you ever been cow-tipping or snipe-hunting?
I’m from the south, of course I have.

21. Who is the last person you usually think about before you fall asleep?
Depends on the day. Often it’s my mother.

22. Have you ever had a song written about you?
No music written for me, but I have two paintings that were done for me.

23. If you had to choose to not ever wash your bed sheets or your towel ever again, which would you choose?
Bed sheets. I can’t stand the smell of a towel that’s not clean.

24. Have you ever found anything in your parents’ bedroom that was questionable?
Questionable in what way. They had a copy of the Illustrated Guide to Sexual Intercourse which I masturbated to a lot, as well as Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Sex, But Was Afraid To Ask. I read that a lot too.

25. What was your childhood nickname?
I didn’t get my first nickname until college.

26. When is the last time you played the air guitar?
I have never played air guitar.

27. Have you ever peeked in the opposite sex’s locker room?
Not that I remember.

28. What’s the weirdest thing you have done while driving?
Probably masturbated. But that was a VERY long time ago.

29. Have you ever bitten your toenails?
No, that’s kind of disgusting.

30. How do you normally eat your Oreo cookies?
Eat the middle first, then the outside.

31. Name something you do when your same sex friends aren’t around?
Another straight question. I don’t know.

32. How many drinks does it take before you get drunk?
Depends on what I’m drinking and how fast I’m drinking them.

33. Why are you doing this survey?
Because I didn’t want to have to think of something to write about tonight.

34. What was the best year of your life?
1987-1889. I was living in Atlanta waiting tables being gay for the first time and having a great time.

35. Any strange phobias?
I’m terrified of snakes, and I’m claustrophobic.

36. Have you ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?
A Q-Tip. I have pictures that Michelle and I took of Q-Tips up our noses.

37. whens the last time you threw up?
I can’t remember. It had to be because I was drunk because, knock on wood I haven’t had to throw up because I had the flu, etc. in a long, long time.

38. Have you ever called your love interest by another girl/guys name?
Not that I remember.

39. Have you ever gotten caught sleeping while on a date?
I fell asleep during sex once. I’d been up for about 36 hours and was just too tired to do it.
40. Have you ever played naked Twister?
Nope, but I’ve played Naked Slip and Slide.

41. Have you ever been drunk at work/school?
Too many times to count. We drank a lot in grad school and I’ve been hammered waiting tables before.

42. How many Ellie’s do you know?
Only one that I know of. But she’s HOT and really sweet and I love her to death.


I did something today that I’ve never done before. It was something more of us should do, but if the truth were told we either think it won’t do any good, or we are just too busy. So what did I do? I (still carrying my honorary lesbian card) went to a Peace Rally in Kennebunkport, Maine.  I don’t know what the final numbers were but they were expecting about 6,000 people to attend.  We got there about 10:00 this morning.  By then, the temperature had already climbed to near 90 and the crowds were already gathering.  The pre-march speeches were underway when we got there.

It was an interesting mix of people.  There were young college age students that you would expect to attend such an event, and an enormous number of lesbians.  But there were also middle aged men and women of every background, senior citizens, and a kid who was carrying a sign that said “4th Graders for Peace”, babies, and a bunch of weirdos.  There also every kind of liberal that you could imagine there.  Socialist, Libertarians, Democrats, Independents, Green Party, People for the cultivation of hemp, Environmentalist, People who had served in the war.  People who won’t serve in the military.  It was quite interesting taking it all in.

As I said the speeches were already underway when we got there.  The first person I heard was a soldier who had served in Iraq.  He was telling it like it is, and explaining that the war had nothing to do with why he signed up to serve his country.  And that in fact it goes against the very oath he took when he joined the army.  He was followed by several other soldiers against the war.  I might mention that there were a lot of these guys floating around and in a word they were HOT, HOT, HOT.  Not that I was there to meet boys, but it never hurts to have eye candy.  These guys were followed by a band playing anti-war songs.  I kind of tuned them out.  They were a little much for me.  Then there were more speakers.  And more speakers.

I hope I’m not making it sound like they weren’t interesting.  In fact they all were.  It was great hearing people explain why they were against the war.  I guess the two highlights of the morning was first Dennis Kucinich speaking.  Although, I don’t think he has a chance in hell of winning, I like the guy.  He tells it like it is and doesn’t beat around the bush.  (No pun intended.)  He got the crowd fired up with his speech.  He spoke around 15 minutes or so.

I might also point out that of all the candidates, he was the only one to show up.  It was also noticeable that he had a booth set up for campaign information and materials.  It was packed everytime I was near it.  Barack Obama also had a booth but there was hardly anyone in it except for the people working.  They were the only two candidates represented today.  Should I read meaning into this?

After Kucinich spoke, he was followed by Cindy Sheehan.  I know she has alienated people in the past, but I must say, she’s a great speaker.  And quite funny.  She told many jokes in the course of her speech, with George Bush usually the punch line.  She had a great message and talked a lot about running against Nancy Pelosi in California for the House Seat.  Once again, I don’t think she can win, but at least she’s out there trying to do something.

When Cindy had finished, we all lined up and the march started.  It was miles long.  It was people in front of me as far as I could see, and people behind me as far as I could see.   Some people were chanting slogans, others were making speeches.  My favorite was the Leftist Marching Band that played all afternoon.  They played mostly patriotic songs which the crowd sang along to.  As I said, the demographic was quite mixed as to the type of people out there today.  But they all had one thing in common.  They all thought the war was wrong and that our troops should be brought home now.

We marched for about 2 hours.  Through downtown Kennebunkport out to the Bush compound where Bush, Sr. vacations in the summer.  At least we were as close as they’d let us get.  No one seemed to know if they were there or not.  It was also kind of funny experiencing the counter protest.  Conservative people are kind of nasty.  They were chanting ridiculous things at us.  Screaming that we were just a bunch of angry lesbians.  Calling us terrorists.  Saying that terrorists LOVE the Democrats.  Saying we were going to burn in hell for not supporting our president.  And that the soldiers can’t come home until the war is won.  The one interesting point I made today, is “why were the 20ish year old kids who were screaming at us, not over there serving.  If the war is such a just and noble cause, then get down to your local recruiter and sign up.  There’s nothing stopping you.  As it was said today, they’ll take just about anybody who can hold a gun and give you a $20,000 signing bonus.”  There were only 50 or so of these protesters but they made me laugh.  The best part was we were near the marching band as we passed them, and they played so loudly no one could really hear what was being said by them.

Eventually, we turned around and marched back to the school where we started.  We skipped the afternoon rally because we were starving, and there was a serious lack of water.  We were kind of bummed because the Indigo Girls were playing later in the afternoon.

And that was my first Peace Rally.  I asked on the car ride home if it really made a difference.  Lisa said that it did.  That just by the exposure today, we perhaps changed the mind of a couple of people who were supporting the war.  I don’t know if it does or not, but it felt good to be there.  As they chanted today.

“What does Democracy look like?

This is what Democray looks like!”

These are pictures of some of my favorite signs.  My very favorite I didn’t get a picture of but it said, “I refuse to raise my kids, to kill your kids.”




I included the following picture, because as we marched the houses got bigger and the people got richer.  The house in the background is a single family vacation home.  It’s the size of a small hotel.



And the last picture was my favorite house today.  It’s a stone house out on the cliff over looking the water.  We think it looks haunted, but wouldn’t it be wonderful to sit by the fireplace and listen to the surf.


Honorary Lesbian for a day…

I was made an honorary lesbian tonight at dinner. I’m back in Maine and 10 of us went out for dinner. I was the only male although I wasn’t the butchest one at the table. We went to Local 188 a restaurant that had been located down and across the street until several months ago. They closed and have since re-opened a much larger restaurant in a much cooler space. The old restaurant was Michelle’s girlfriend’s favorite restaurant so that’s why we went. It was also in honor of my having been on my diet for a month. I have decided in order to not deprive myself of some of the foods that I like, once a month I can eat and drink whatever I like. Tonight was that night.

As I mentioned there were 10 of us. Four couples, Sheila, and me. The atmosphere was wonderful, with the new space really nice. That’s kind of where the evening ended in the good zone. The service at the restaurant was mediocre at best, and the food was less than mediocre. They really have some things to work out in the next few months if they are going to make it. That all being said we had a a wonderful time. We laughed our asses off, making fun of each other.

And what were we making fun of. Well the evening started with me having to stop at the drug store.  Since I’ve started walking I’ve developed a very unfun case of jock itch. Nothing awful, but it does itch like crazy. Well the lesbians thought this was hysterical. The teased me all the way to dinner and then kept making little cracks all through dinner. As I said, I’d take a case of joke itch any day over a case of smelly pussy. They didn’t find this amusing but they laughed all the same. We also laughed about their times at Michigan at the women’s festival and how they dealt with each other. There are lots of jokes you can make about pussy that lesbians will laugh at.

As far as dinner goes, I went off my diet with a vengeance. I had an appetizer, entree, and dessert and the best part was the four margaritas. As I write this, I’m more than a little tipsy. As I said the food was okay, but I wasn’t in the mood for complaining. I was kind of bummed when we got to dessert and they were out of what I wanted, but I figured it was a sign from god. I had something else that didn’t hit the spot that I ate a couple of bites of and then passed off to other people. I should probably mention that my stomach hurts now from eating so much, but it was nice to indulge in stuff I haven’t had in a month.

I should also tell you that I told Michell that I was heading back to New York next week. She was kind of sad, but completely understood. I explained all the reasons and the need to be in my own space and have my own world and when I was done she completely got it. As I mentioned she was sad but was understanding. We shared the news with everyone else at dinner. All the lesbians were upset about the news as well, but they did make me promise to come back to help with the drag shows. I promised I would. I actually enjoy helping them, and it’s only a few hours up the street to get here so of course I’ll come.

I should also mention that I loaned my digital camera to Michelle and Lisa to take to Michigan with me.  These are some of the pictures that I downloaded tonight on to my computer.



These are some pictures from tonight.  Can you figure out which one of us doesn’t belong?




I got the job!!!

So I have to admit it.  Most of you were right.  Today was not that bad.  I got the job. I start around September 15th and I was only made fun of once.  I got to the restaurant around 1:25.  My friend had told me to stop by after 1:00, but what he really meant was 1:00.  He was already eating by the time I got there.  He was sitting with another manager, but got up gave me a hug and immediately told me that I hadn’t gained THAT much weight.  I told him he was either being kind or he was blind, but either way I’d take the compliment.  We then moved to another section, so I could order lunch and we could talk.  We chatted for about 30 minutes while I was eating and then he left to be on a conference call.  He told me to hang out, fill out an application, and talk to my friend Lee who was bartending.  So I sat at the bar and drank about 14 diet Pepsis (Yuck!  It’s the one thing I hate about this restaurant, but what can you do?).  About 45 minutes later my friend was back and he brought the server manager with him.  I chatted with her for about 15 seconds and she said, well if Daniel says you are good, then I’ll hire you.  When can you start.  Turns out the next training isn’t until after Labor Day, which is perfect for me.  And so my friends, I wasn’t made fun of, and I have a part time job that I’ll hate with a passion, but that will give me lots of stories to tell in my blog.

The rest of the day was equally busy.  I had a doctor’s appointment at 4:00 with my psychiatrist.  He’s been making some changes to my medication so I’ve been seeing him more often.  He changed things up again today.  He’d actually like to make some major changes but the medication he wants to put me on cost twice as much as what I’m on now.  We agreed to wait till I was working, so I go back to see him in a month.

After that, I went to Bed, Bath and Beyond to buy a new bathroom scale.  The one I have now is a real pain in the ass.  You can weigh three times and get three different weights.  It sometimes varies as much as 5 pounds, which can be frustrating when you are trying to lose weight and every ounce counts.  The one I bought has all the bells and whistles so now I have to figure out how to use it.

And then I was off to the theatre.  The show I’ve been working on closed tonight.  It was a lot of work for only two performances.  I felt the show went better tonight than it did last night.  The actors seemed to have more energy and they were just on.  Of course that’s just my opinion for what it’s worth.

Tomorrow I head back to Maine.  I’ll be there till next Tuesday or Wednesday and then I’ll be back to NYC.  Yippee!

Another Openin’, Another Show

I’d like to start tonight by thanking everyone for the wonderful comments and advice.  It’s very easy for me to get down on myself and it’s been a while since anyone at all has been my champion.  So it’s nice to hear all the positive feedback from all you guys.  You have no idea how much it means to me.

I’ve had a great day, but I’m very much not used to the very typical New York day where you leave for work at 8 a.m. and get home at 11 p.m.  As a New Yorker you get used to this very quickly.  It’s rare that you get to go home after work, to change clothes or freshen up before going out.  Very few people I know, live in the areas of town they socialize in so you learn to carry what you need for the day.  Every New Yorker carries a bag of some sort with them.  Some of them are purely functional.  Some of them are pure fashion statements.  Some are both.  In this bag you learn to carry your life.  It holds your gym clothes, a change of clothes, your Ipod, whatever book you are reading, a toothbrush and toothpaste.  Mouthwash.   A journal.  Maps of they city.  A camera.  Pen and paper.  Sometimes your computer.  And just about anything else you might need when you leave home in the morning.

The reason I don’t traipse home is because it’s a minimum 30 minute ride on the subway to my stop.  That doesn’t count waiting for the train, or walking to and from the station.  So it can easily take an hour to get home.  Plus an hour to get back downtown.  So it’s almost impossible to run home for a change of clothes, to shower, or to freshen up.  By the time you get there and back the evening will be well underway.  It might also explain why many people who are going out to bars for the evening don’t even start till midnight here.

The point to all of this is that I left home this morning at 8:45 to go the theatre.  I didn’t get home till 11:30.  I was exhausted by the time I got here.   And I did all of this without my “bag” because I left my book bag in Maine and it’s the only bag I have.  What I realized is that if I’m going to go back to being a New Yorker I’m going to have to re-acclimate myself to it.  Get used to sleeping with the noise, and the light, and being out all day.

All of that being said.  I had a great day.  I got to the theatre around 9:45 and found everything going according to schedule.  Just as I predicted it was a stress free day.  Which I loved.  We spent about 4 hours teching the show.  Teching is the process where we figure out the technical elements and for lighting specifically, we program the computer to turn the lights on when we want them on, at the right intensity and at the correct speed.  Things went so smoothly that we were able to run the show twice before our time was up.  Then we took a little break and then came back to the theatre to run the whole evening’s entertainment.  It went okay, although the first piece (It’s two one-acts) was about as boring as you can get.  I was miserable for the 45 minutes they were running their show.

After the run, we all left to get dinner and then to take a little break before we had to be back for the actual show.  When I got back to the theatre, it turned out to be a big grad school reunion.  There were about 20 people there that I had gone to grad school with, and it was great to see them all.  I discovered through conversation that about 10 of us live within about 7 or 8 blocks from each other.  Although, they all live on top of the hill, in the nice section.  I live at the bottom of the hill in the sketchy section.

Overall the show went well.  It was not bad for something that was thrown together as quickly as it was.  The playwright and the director are using this production to find out what works and doesn’t work about the play so that in the next year or so they can turn it into a full two act show.  It definitely needs some work, but the foundation is there, and it’s an interesting story.  Hopefully, in 6 or 7 years when it plays on Broadway I’ll get to design it and win the Tony award and then won’t have to wait tables again.

And that brings me to the end of my post.  I have my lunch tomorrow.  I have to say that I’m a little nervous, but am going to make the best of it.  As I have said before I just need something to make some quick money that will pay the bills for the moment.  I’m hoping it all works out tomorrow and I can start soon.  It would be nice to be able to pay September’s rent out of earned money and not my savings…but that’s another story.

Thanks again for the all the support.  Tomorrow I will go in with my head held high and will be pleasant and charming and laugh at my friends jokes and make the best of it.  What’s the worst that can happen.  And as we all know, I have no intention of being fat forever.  And I have even less intention of being a waiter forever.

Back in NYC…

Yippee!  I’m back in New York.  That means that I get to sleep in my own bed tonight.  The big queen size bed.  It always makes me feel good to be back home.  I drove down today from Maine in Michelle’s car.  I have to be in rehearsal tomorrow (Wednesday) for a small show that I’m designing.  It should be a relatively stress free day, and I hope that turns out to be true.  For the most part, my work is done, I just have to make sure it’s executed the way that I want it to be and do a few last minute adjustments.  The show opens tomorrow night so we can’t make too many changes.  I’ll of course give you all the details of how it goes tomorrow night.

On the drive down I continued to think about whether I should be in Maine or New York.  I’m 100% convinced I need to be in New York.  It’s where my home is, my stuff is, and very importantly where my bed is.  It would also make sense that I live where I pay rent since that’s why I pay rent.  There’s no way I could afford to get my own place in Portland without breaking my lease here, and as I mentioned last night, I’m not willing to do that.  So all that’s left now is to break the news to Michelle.  I have to be careful not to hurt her feelings, but I really want to be in my own home.  I hope she understands.

I took a big step today.  I called a friend of mine, who’s the manager at a restaurant that I used to work at.  We chatted for a while and then I got to the point.  I shared with him that I needed a part time/full time job to tide me over till I can find a teaching job and my free lance work becomes more regular.  He told me it wouldn’t be a problem at all to start work there again.  We agreed to meet on Thursday for lunch, and he would give me the details and work out when I could start.

It’s a big deal for me to have done this for a couple of reasons.  First, the reason I went to grad school was so that I didn’t EVER have to wait tables again.  It’s not that I’m not good at it.  That’s part of the problem, I’m very good at it.  And on most days I don’t mind doing it.  But after 10 years of it, I felt that it was time to move on.  And so I went to grad school with the hope that I would never have to do it again.  And now, it’s taking longer to get a job than I thought it would, and I need something to tide me over till it comes.

The second reason it’s a little hard, is that when I worked there last I was thin.  I weighed 185 pounds and was in the best shape of my life.  I was running five miles a day and working out 5 to 6 times a week.  I looked great.  Now that’s not the case.  It’s going to be very stressful to walk into the restaurant on Thursday to meet with my friend.  I don’t want to be the fat guy whose failing at his career and has to have his old job back.  And that’s the way I’m going to feel when I go there.  I know it’s all in my head, and that I just need to get over it.  As my friend Todd says, it’s just a means to an end and that it’s not forever.  That’s what I keep telling myself.  I won’t be fat for forever.  I won’t wait tables forever.  I just need to suck it up and do what I have to do in the meantime.  And so that’s what I’m going to do.

The one great thing will be working in a restaurant should provide lots of great topics for my blog.

An Eye-opening Realization…

I’m tired.  I had way to much caffeine last night driving home from Boston and I was wired when I finally got to bed.  Couple that with the two guys screaming at each other next door and it was not a restful night of sleep.  Luckily, the cops finally came and shut the two guys up and eventually I was able to fall asleep.  Unfortunately, I was wide awake at 7:00 this morning.  And if you know me, that’s not typical at all.  I tried and tried to go back to sleep, to no avail, and finally got up at 8:30.   Needless to say, my butt has been dragging a little all day.

As usual there’s not much to report.  Michelle’s girlfriend Lisa got home last night and she spent the day cleaning.  I’ve never seen someone clean, as quickly, efficiently, and as thoroughly as she did.  She started around 11:00 and was still going at it at 4:00.  She was scrubbing floors, and vacuuming, doing laundry, and not a spot when uncovered.  I offered to help several times,  but she made it clear that I should just stay out of the way.  I ended up in my room reading.  At one point I was almost asleep and put the book down and just as suddenly I was awake.  After about 15 or 20 minutes of trying to get to sleep, I said fuck it and came down to my computer.  By that time she’d finished in this room and I was able to read some blogs in peace.

Michelle had worked the overnight shift at her job last night and finally woke up around 4:15 or so.  When she appeared she was all dressed to go walking.  I quickly changed and we headed to the bay.  There were a couple of shirtless boys but I didn’t think either of them were very cute.  There weren’t many people out walking.  The temperature at 5:00 was only around 63 so I think people are starting to stay inside more.

After the walk, we ran a couple of errands.  To the grocery to get some salad dressing for me.  I also picked up a steak for dinner.  It was very delicious.  Then we ran by the post office to drop off my Netflix movies and then to the video store so that Michelle could rent a movie for tonight.  We ended up with Factory Girl.  I hated it.  I thought it was a little bit one note that didn’t really go anywhere till the end.  The performances were great, but I didn’t care for the movie.  Then it was back home for dinner.

The kitchen is Lisa’s domain so she made dinner.  As always it was very good.  I did help set the table and I did some of the dishes afterward, but for the most part I was an innocent bystander.

But as I sat and watched my day unfold around me I became very aware of something.

I had mentioned that I was thinking about staying in Maine for a while.  I like it here, and have met some wonderful people who seem to like me a lot.  It’s been great spending time with Michelle and Lisa and I love them a lot.  But I realized today that I can’t continue to be a guest in their home.  It’s a wonderful place to visit.  They take very good care of me and I don’t think they mind my being here.  But it’s not my home.  Although I feel very comfortable here as a guest, I don’t feel comfortable to stay an extended amount of time.  I can’t watch TV.  I can’t lie on the couch.  I can’t walk around in my underwear.  I can’t leave my dirty dishes in the sink.  I can’t do a lot of things that I could do if this were my house.  And it’s not like they’ve done anything to make me feel anything other than welcome.  It’s just a reality.  If I stay here, I’ll be a guest if their home.  And I don’t want to be that.

I want to be someplace where I feel comfortable being me.  I want to be someplace where if I want to lie on the couch and watch a movie it’s no big deal.  I want to be feel like I belong where I am.  Some of you may ask, why don’t I just move to Portland then.  Well, it’s a little more complicated than that.  I have a  lease on an apartment in NYC that’s not up till next July.  I would never consider breaking the lease or just leaving my roommate holding the bag.  If it were a different roommate maybe.  But I care too much about Chuck to even consider doing that.  It’s also a little cost prohibitive.  If any of you have ever moved long distances, it would cost several thousand dollars to get my stuff from NYC to Portland.  And when you are unemployed 5 bucks is a lot of money.  Five thousand is unimaginable.

So that brings me back to being in Maine.  So I kind of came to the realization that I’m not going to stay.  In fact, if I had a little more notice I would leave for good tomorrow.  Unfortunately, I’ll have to rent a car to get back down there, and it cost more to do that with such little notice.  So on Friday, I’ll come back to Maine.  In the meantime I’m going to reserve a car for next Monday or Tuesday to take me back to the city.  And then I’m left with the very big task of finding a job.  I have to find something even if it’s working at McDonald’s to pay the bills until a job that I want comes open.  The kind of jobs that I’m looking for aren’t really hiring right now and won’t be for the next couple of months.  So next week I have to hit the pavement to look for something.

And now with all of this decided I have to tell Michelle.  She loves me a lot and only wants the best for me.  But I don’t think she’ll understand my reasoning when I say that I want to head back to NYC.  I just have to stand strong and not let her talk me out of it.

And on a last note.  Today was my weigh in.  I’ve lost 20.5 pounds.  Not too bad if I do say so myself.