100 minutes of Hell…

It’s late.

And my boyfriend is asleep in the other room.

And I’m just starting to unwind from work tonight.

It’s been a pretty much sucky ass night.

It took an hour and 40 minutes to get home from work tonight.  And yet the MTA says I’m not paying enough for my fucked up subway rides.  When all is good, it should take no more than an hour and that’s if I walk down the stairs just in time to see the train pull out of the station.  Most nights it’s about 35 or so minutes to get home.  If you do the math that’s not exactly an hour and 40 minutes.  In fact that’s about 65 minutes more than normal.

People suck.

Especially foreign people.

Especially Canadian foreign people.

I got stiffed on over 400 dollars in sales tonight.  That’s completely stiffed.  At least another 600 dollars or so left me 10% or less.  I walked with barely 10% tonight.  For any waiter that sucks.  For me that REALLY sucks.  And please don’t tell me you’ll tip me extra “good” if I take your picture.  I’ll take the picture but I’ll probably never come back to the table because the minute you mention the tip means nada for me.  Of course I really think you thought you were hooking me up with the 9 bucks you left on your 111.00 dollar tab.  AAAAHHHHH!!!

I think perhaps I am losing my edge at work.  It doesn’t seem to come as easy as it did before.  I have to work harder at it.  I hate being there.  I have enormous anxiety about starting my shift.  It used to ease once I started work, but now it lingers, tonight for almost two hours.  I’m also not making as much money and I can’t tell if it’s because of the economy, my service, my attitude, etc.  It’s probably some of all of it.  Perhaps I should start thinking about a new career choice.

I have a design interview tomorrow.  It’s for a summer festival show but it’s at a very prestigious theater company here in the city.  A friend of mine is the playwright of the show I’d be designing.  I read the script tonight on my 100 minute train ride.  It’s amazing.  It would be the most excited I’d been about doing  a show in a long time.  The interviews at 6:00 tomorrow night.  I’ll of course fill you in tomorrow night.  Wish me luck.

Maddog’s Realization

My boyfriend and I are being way too social these days.  We are out way past his bedtime and far too late for me to get up and get things done before I go to work.  And I’m used to late hours.

Tonight we met up with some friends from San Diego, hung out, had a few beers, grabbed dinner and then came home.  We wanted to be home by 10:00.  It’s 11:30 and we just walked through the door.  I don’t think Adam is too happy but he’s putting on his happy face.

None of this is really important except that we just walked home from the train together.  Holding hands as we always do.  And we turned the corner and there were 10 or so kids sitting on the stoop.  No big deal.  It’s a nice night.  We swung wide and went on up the hill.  About half way up the hill I heard the word “maricon.”  I jokingly ask Adam if I should tell them that I speak enough Spanish to know what they said.  Before he had a chance to answer they start yelling “faggot.”  It’s been a long time since anyone’s called me that so that I can hear it.  We just kept walking.

As I walked home and as I got settled in for the evening I thought of about a million things I would have like to have said to them.

1.  There are ten of you on the sidewalk.  Statistically one of you is gay.  Trust me it’s not the one you think it is.  And you would actually know who it is if they weren’t so afraid to tell you.

2.  If you spent half as much time trying to better yourselves than trying to tear other people down there would be no limit to what you could accomplish.

3.  Do you really think I didn’t know I was a faggot till you screamed it at me.  Kid, I was sucking cock before you were born.  I was called a faggot before you were born.  I think I knew I was gay long before you came along.

4.  Do you know the type of prejudism that you are breeding is the same as that of my relatives.  It’s the same reason my relatives tell me that because you are brown skinned you are Mexican.  And because you are Mexican you are worthless.  And because you are worthless you should either be driven back to Mexico or taken out and strung up somewhere.  Yes, where I’m from they’d rather I be gay than brown skinned.

These are the things I would have like to have said to them.  Instead we walked home.  Holding hands all the while.

Enjoying the night air.

The dafodils in the moonlight.

The smell of Spring.

It was a beautiful night.

And I was glad.

To Be.


Maddog’s Revealed…

It’s got to be a fast post.  I have a naked Adam in bed waiting for me.

But I digress.

It was a year ago this week that I broke my ankle.  My how time flies when you are having fun.  In honor of that and the new work shoes I just bought here’s a new picture of my feet for old time’s sake:


I know you’ve probably missed it.

Second I have a couple of lighting things going on this week that could be very good.  Will keep you posted on them.




I’ve signed the contract and I’m going back even though Chuck told me I was never allowed to go back again.  And already the drama is bigger and better than before.  I’ll catch everyone up this week.

And last but not least.

I told Adam about the blog.

Maddog is out of the bag.

Any thoughts?

Would love to hear what you guys think about that.  I know how I feel and why I told him and I’ll share all that later in the week.

In the meantime…

I’m off to the shower, and to bed…and the naked boy.

But I digress.

“A Sickly Maddog” Well Sort of…

It’s Saturday morning or I should say afternoon.  I just woke up.  I should probably say WE just woke up.  I spent the night at Adam’s last night.  Actually I spent the whole night at Adam’s last night.  I sort of called in sick to work.  Actually I didn’t call in.  I went there, but on the whole train ride there I kept telling myself how I didn’t want to work.   By the time I got there I just couldn’t do it.  It wasn’t a full blown anxiety attack but it was well on it’s way.  And so I sort of lied and told them I had a migraine and needed to go home.  They were very kind and let me leave.  Of course by the time I left the anxiety had become a full blown anxiety attack so I’m glad I didn’t work.

I ended up spending the whole night at Adam’s.  Adam likes to bake and over the last few years has learned to decorate cakes.  His boss had asked him to make a cake for her daughter so he spent the night baking and carving and decorating the cake.  I was actually able to get started on the design of the next show that I am doing.  Every once in a while I would head to the kitchen to refill my Diet Coke and give him a kiss.  It was nice just being there, even though we weren’t really talking to each other or spending direct time with each other.  It was very comfortable.

Last night as I was sitting at my computer, I realized that part of the reason I didn’t want to work was because I hadn’t really spent any time with my boyfriend for the past two weeks.  We were in California, we fought, he flew home and we’d seen each once since then.  So I’m glad I didn’t work last night.  I’m also not going to work tonight.  We are going to have a date.  It’s supposed to be in the 80’s today.  So we are going to drop off the cake, stay about 10 minutes at the party and then head back into the city to hang out.  I think we are going to walk around and then find a little sidewalk cafe to have dinner at.  I can hardly wait.

And a couple of people have mentioned “The Shitty”  lighting job that I’ve done for the last two summers.  The show I started working on last night was “The Shitty” show in Oklahoma that I’m doing this year.  It’s productions of Little Night Music, and My Fair Lady.  True to form the shows are already full of drama and stress.  I’ve had to send a series of emails to demand payment of my first installment.  And now we have discovered the theatre doesn’t want to give us the instruments that we need.  Stay tuned, I’ll keep you up to date and of course once I get there I’ll be sending my daily updates.  I’m sure you can hardly wait.

A Maddog Update.

It’s nice to be back to writing.  I’ve missed it.  Of course I hadn’t planned to be so bitchy with my first post, but what do you expect.

So what’ new with me?

Let’s see…

I have a boyfriend.  Adam.  It’s been three months.  Three months and two weeks to be exact.  I’m totally smitten.  More so than with anyone I think I’ve ever known.  I don’t have to pretend to be anyone that I’m not.  I don’t have to pretend I don’t have a past because he knows all the deep dark secrets.  And on the flip side, he’s told me just about everything.  And before anyone says, “How do I know?”  Well if there are things that are worse than the things he’s shared with me, I can’t imagine what they are.  His past is more sordid that mine and I love him all the more for it.  So I’m in this for the long haul.  And I look forward to every day we spend together.

I just got back from California.  For about three dollars I agreed to do a show in San Diego.  When I say it was three dollars, by the time I paid for my flight and car there was three hundred dollars left, which didn’t cover the cost of the food and drink I consumed while I was there.   What it did do was provide me with an excuse to go to California.  I’ve been trying to go for more than two years and finally I said fuck it, when the show was presented to me.

I knew about this about six weeks ago, so as I started the planning I talked to Adam about going with me.  After about two seconds of arm twisting he agreed.  We flew out on a Wednesday morning and spent through Sunday in LA.  While we were there, we spent a day at Disneyland which was awesome.  I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Disneyland.  Of course it would be better if there were no kids, but you just have to take the good with the bad.  We also spent a day helping Adam’s best friend plan her wedding.  He’s doing the cake and the flowers and she’s asked me to help with the lighting.  So we drove 2.5 hours north of L.A. to the vineyard they are getting married in.  It’s a beautiful area and it was great to drive through that part of the country.

We spent the rest of the weekend in San Diego, where we had the fight of all fights.  More about that later.

On Sunday, Adam flew home and I was left to design my show.  It was stressful to say the least but that’s another post.  What was really hard was being away from my boyfriend for 8 days.  I know, I know it’s silly.  But it’s fun being in love and hanging out with each other.

Let’s see.  I’ve been waiting tables more than I was, but not as much as I should.  Business is picking up again so none of us are as worried as we were.

Those are the big items.  There are lots of little things to tell you about…but you’ll  just have to stay tuned for those.

Glad everyone stopped by to comment today.  It’s nice to know you are all still out there.

My Head is about to Explode!!!!!


It’s me.


Think back.  It’ll come to you.  I’m a waiter.  A lighting designer.  I live in New York City.  I have a new boyfriend Adam.  I have the world’s best roommate Chuck.  Is it coming back to you?  I thought it might.

So I’ve been missing in action lately.

Sorry about that.

I was preoccupied with Adam.  And then I considered starting a new blog, even created it, and then didn’t post.

But I’m back.

I’ve missed you guys.

And what better way to say hello, then to jump right back into bitching.

If you follow this link Bitchy Crazy Lady, and then click on any of the blogs listed on the page, you’ll see why my head is about to explode.

I found this page, because the lovely lady who has eight one post blogs (wonder if someone should explain that she can have one blog with eight posts) about how sucky the service industry is.  She is so annoyed by her restaurant experience that she spends four paragraphs going on and on about how I should not bring her more ice tea until she’s ready for more ice tea.  And for fucks sake, why don’t I bring the condiments out before the meal comes.  And why would I even consider bringing out a ramekin of ranch dressing if it’s not filled to the top.  And I know I shouldn’t assume that you want another beer because that’s what you had the first time.  I should wait till you call me over, to order another drink, that perhaps is different before I offer.  And be sure I’ll NEVER make chit chat with a table again before getting their order.  Nor will I ever spend time talking to the nice people at the next table just in case you need something.

And can I just say, and trust me when I say that I speak for everyone I know.  STAY HOME.  There are no rules with waiting tables.  Every table I wait on is expecting something different.  I have three seconds upon greeting the table to figure that out.  However, I’d work for free for a month just for the opportunity to wait on you.  Because I might get fired, but you’d get nothing but friendly chit chat from me.  I’d be all nice and shit and refill your water before it was empty.  I do things like not repeat your order back to you.  I can almost guarantee your not going to get the 27 cents that’s the change from your check.  I’ll probably offer you Kettle One instead of the well vodka.  And I’ll probably ask if you want guacamole with your nachos.  I will take your plate when you are done and I might do it without your asking.  Especially if you have your knife and fork in the “international” I’m finished arrangement.  I’ll definitely drop the check before your ready because based on your post you are either in a hurry or want more time and it’s up to me to figure that out.  I will probably write thank you at the bottom of the check because the three seconds it takes to do that isn’t really going to effect the table next to you.

And if by chance when it’s all said and done you decide to tip me 10% or even better 0%.  I’ll assume that you are just the cheap asshole that you present yourself as in your eight blogs.  And trust me when I say, and I’m speaking for a lot of people here, sometimes it’s worth not getting tipped to know that you’ve pissed off customers like yourself.

And if for a moment you think you can do my job better than me.  Give me a call the next time you are in New York City.  I’ll arrange for you to follow me around one night.  And I’d be willing to bet you’d freak out in the first five minutes.  And yet everyone of my tables would have exactly what they need, would be very happy and would love that I’m standing around joking with them.

And what is it exactly you do for a living?  Perhaps you can let me and some of my readers tell you how to do your job better?  You’d like that for about five minutes.

And on one last note.


Maddog’s back!!!