Think back. It’ll come to you. I’m a waiter. A lighting designer. I live in New York City. I have a new boyfriend Adam. I have the world’s best roommate Chuck. Is it coming back to you? I thought it might.
So I’ve been missing in action lately.
Sorry about that.
I was preoccupied with Adam. And then I considered starting a new blog, even created it, and then didn’t post.
But I’m back.
I’ve missed you guys.
And what better way to say hello, then to jump right back into bitching.
If you follow this link Bitchy Crazy Lady, and then click on any of the blogs listed on the page, you’ll see why my head is about to explode.
I found this page, because the lovely lady who has eight one post blogs (wonder if someone should explain that she can have one blog with eight posts) about how sucky the service industry is. She is so annoyed by her restaurant experience that she spends four paragraphs going on and on about how I should not bring her more ice tea until she’s ready for more ice tea. And for fucks sake, why don’t I bring the condiments out before the meal comes. And why would I even consider bringing out a ramekin of ranch dressing if it’s not filled to the top. And I know I shouldn’t assume that you want another beer because that’s what you had the first time. I should wait till you call me over, to order another drink, that perhaps is different before I offer. And be sure I’ll NEVER make chit chat with a table again before getting their order. Nor will I ever spend time talking to the nice people at the next table just in case you need something.
And can I just say, and trust me when I say that I speak for everyone I know. STAY HOME. There are no rules with waiting tables. Every table I wait on is expecting something different. I have three seconds upon greeting the table to figure that out. However, I’d work for free for a month just for the opportunity to wait on you. Because I might get fired, but you’d get nothing but friendly chit chat from me. I’d be all nice and shit and refill your water before it was empty. I do things like not repeat your order back to you. I can almost guarantee your not going to get the 27 cents that’s the change from your check. I’ll probably offer you Kettle One instead of the well vodka. And I’ll probably ask if you want guacamole with your nachos. I will take your plate when you are done and I might do it without your asking. Especially if you have your knife and fork in the “international” I’m finished arrangement. I’ll definitely drop the check before your ready because based on your post you are either in a hurry or want more time and it’s up to me to figure that out. I will probably write thank you at the bottom of the check because the three seconds it takes to do that isn’t really going to effect the table next to you.
And if by chance when it’s all said and done you decide to tip me 10% or even better 0%. I’ll assume that you are just the cheap asshole that you present yourself as in your eight blogs. And trust me when I say, and I’m speaking for a lot of people here, sometimes it’s worth not getting tipped to know that you’ve pissed off customers like yourself.
And if for a moment you think you can do my job better than me. Give me a call the next time you are in New York City. I’ll arrange for you to follow me around one night. And I’d be willing to bet you’d freak out in the first five minutes. And yet everyone of my tables would have exactly what they need, would be very happy and would love that I’m standing around joking with them.
And what is it exactly you do for a living? Perhaps you can let me and some of my readers tell you how to do your job better? You’d like that for about five minutes.
And on one last note.
GO FUCK YOURSELF!