8.5 Thick Uncut Cock for PnP/BB into WS and FF– 28 (Chelsea)

My mother loved her computer.  She told me the guy who delivered it kept asking if she was okay because she was all choked up.  Of course she yelled at me for buying it, but I knew she would.  I did tell her that she had five minutes to get all of the old stuff out of her house.  It has to go.  The two computers, the two printers, the two monitors, the cables…everything.  It has to go.  My mother is a pack rat of the most serious kind.  She doesn’t throw anything away for fear it might be useful one day.  But I told her the only condition of the gift was all the other stuff had to go.

And now on for more amusing things.  I spend a lot of time watching TV these days.  And I spend a lot of time on the Internet.  TV.  Internet.  TV.  Internet.  (Does anyone know why these words get capitalized?  Just curious.)

Did anyone know that you could order in boys?  Yeap.  You can go online, write a profile, wait for someone to find you interesting,  invite them over and then get into all sorts of trouble.  I didn’t know this.  Believe or not I haven’t done anything like this since 1901.  Seriously, it was probably 2001 the last time I did this.  In NYC it’s quicker to just go out and get it.   When you go out there are no endless emails back and forth.  No fuzzy pictures.  No hot men with 12″ dicks showing up at your house weighing 310 with a 4″ penis.  Nope.  In NYC it’s more efficient to do your shopping in the store.

But let’s just say that your ankle is broken.  And you are bored at home.  And you are kind of going stir crazy.  Perhaps then, and only then would you actually try shopping on line.  And so for the past few days I’ve tried this.  I’ve discovered a few things and want to point out a few things.

1.  Is it really possible that only people under the age of 35 have sex in NYC?

2.  Does every man in NYC have a worked out body with six pack abs?

3. Does every man in NYC have an 8.5 thick uncut cock?  If this is true I’ve been looking in all the wrong places all this time.

4.  By the way:  I’m not Latino, a bro, a thug, a nigga, I’m not KOOL, or kewl, i’m not down wit dis, o up wit dat.   I’m just saying.

5.  Does every gay man in NYC weigh 182 with a 32 inch waist with a swimmer’s body?

6. Not everyone lives in the WV, EV, UWS, LES, FD, WS, PS, BX, or UES.

7. Not everyone will PNP or BB.  Nor do they ski.  (For any novices out there that means…Party-n-Play, Bareback or do coke.  I had to ask what the last one was because I’m too old to know.)

8.  Do people really think that it’s all about the cock shot.  Not speaking for anyone else but a clear face shot of a cute boy goes a lot further than the picture of his 8.5 thick uncut cock.

9.  I find it interesting today that the one site I was on which asks your status, only has one person who is positive out of the 150 on the site.  Am I to believe that men who are positive don’t cruise for sex.  Or should I believe no one’s owning up to it.

10.  The fact that you have an HIV test from 04.26.08 that says you are negative, is only true if you haven’t had sex in the six months prior to the test.  And it still won’t keep me from playing safe.

11.  Don’t tell me you are DDF (drug and disease free) if you let men cum in your mouth.  You might be.  You might not be.

12.  I’m sure someone thinks your pictures in women’s underwear are hot.  But it’s not me.

13.  I don’t know how to break this to you.  But if you are sucking dick, getting sucked, fucking or getting fucked BY A MAN…YOU ARE GAY!!!!  At the least you are BI.  It is impossible for you to be straight if you like doing these things.

14.  If you list in you profile that you don’t do drugs with the the comment 420/Poppers okay.  Perhaps you haven’t realized they’re  drugs.

15.  No one really believes that it’s your first time being fucked and you’ve decided that it should be a complete stranger you’ve met online.  It’s probably the 5th time you’ve been fucked today.

16.  I’m not generous.  I can be generous, for instance I bought my mom a computer for Mother’s Day.  I won’t be generous to you.  I won’t give you 20 bucks to touch your cock.  I won’t give you 50 to suck it.  I won’t give you 75 to let you trim my hair.  I won’t pay a 125 for an in call massage.  I won’t pay 175 for an out call massage.  And I won’t pay 200+ for whatever else that gets you.  I may be old and overweight, but I refuse to pay for it….yet.

17.  I don’t care that you are on the DL (down low) if you don’t send me a picture we aren’t going to play.  What do you think I’m going to do.  Come and find your girl friend and show her a picture of your face?  Really?

18.  You don’t go to hook up websites to meet your next boyfriend.  So if you are on Manhunt with a screen name of hungnhornytop with a picture of your 8.5 thick uncut cock.  You are probably not looking for a date.

19.  Changing your screen name from yesterday doesn’t mean I don’t remember the photograph especially since it’s you modeling your 8.5 thick uncut cock.

20.  And last but not least.  Get off your pretentious high horse.  We are both on the same site.  Doing the same thing.  Don’t think you are better than me and definitely lose the attitude.  If you are not interested in someone be polite and say so.  But don’t think just because you have an 8.5 thick uncut cock that you are the end all be all.  You will someday be over 35, and you’ll lose your six pack, and someone with a real measuring tape will show you that your 8.5 thick uncut cock is 6.5 inches and was circumcized when you were born because you’re Jewish, not Latino.

It’s fun learning new things when you are stuck at home.

Below is an ad I found on Craigslist today in the NYC>m4m>manhattan site today.  Trust me this is completely safe for work unless the oysters are bad.

It’s verbatim.  I cut and pasted it into the post.

Oysters on the Half Shell – 32 – (Chelsea) pic

24 oysters, such as Malpeque, Kumamoto, or Belon
Crushed ice or rock salt
Cucumber Mignonette Sauce, recipe follows

Scrub the oysters under cold water with a stiff brush to remove the dirt, especially in the hinge area where mud has a tendency to get trapped. Next, find a durable thick cloth and fold it over several times to create a square; this will steady the oysters as you shuck them and also protect your hand. Using the towel as a mitt, place the oyster, cup-side down in the palm of your towel-covered hand with the hinge facing you; have a small bowl handy to catch the delicious juice. Insert the tip of an oyster knife or dull butter knife as far into the hinge as it will go; don’t jab it in there or you could break the shell. With gentle force, twist the knife back and forth to pry the shell open. Using the knife, cut the muscle away from the top shell, bend the shell back, and discard it. Run the knife underneath the oyster to detach it completely, but leave it in its shell. Tip out the briny liquor into the bowl and pour it back over the shucked oysters. Nestle the oysters in a bed of crushed ice or rock salt to keep them steady. Spoon the cucumber mignonette on top and serve as part of a raw shellfish bar.

Cucumber Mignonette Sauce:
1 cup rice wine vinegar
1 shallot, minced
1-inch piece fresh ginger, peeled and grated
1/2 hothouse cucumber, peeled and minced
Several turns freshly ground black pepper
1 handful fresh cilantro leaves, chopped

In a small bowl, combine the rice wine vinegar, shallots, ginger, cucumber, black pepper, and cilantro; mixing with a fork. Cover and chill for at least 1 hour or up to the day before you plan to serve, to allow the flavors to come together. Serve with raw oysters and clams.
Yield: 1 cup

I don’t know if the guy posted the recipe in the wrong section, if he was being funny, or if he’s completely insane.  I do know that I cut and pasted it onto my computer to show you.  About an hour later there was a recipe for corn, but I didn’t think that was as funny.

Tomorrow I’ll post a picture of my 8.5 thick uncut cock.

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Dinner With Friends…

We are still having issues with the Internet.  And I didn’t have the energy or the strength last night to fight with it to post an entry.  I do know that the new modem is here and it’s out of the box, but my roommate was in bed when I got home so I don’t know if it’s working or what needs to be done to make it work.  I know that I can’t wait till we can tell Time Warner to go fuck themselves.

I still have a bunch of things to blog about, but I thought I would go with what’s fresh.

I had dinner with my friend Ryan and his girlfriend tonight.  Ryan is a friend from grad school.  We hit it off because I teased him constantly about coming to happy hour and drinking and he almost never said yes.  And then the four or five times he did come we would talk to the wee hours of the morning.  We chatted mostly about the state of the theatre and we both agreed that we really didn’t have any urge to be a part of the mainstream.  He more so than me.   These conversations lent themselves to talking about the kind of projects that we would like to work on, who we would like to work with etc.

I graduated a year ahead of him but we emailed occasionally and stayed in touch.  When he graduated last year he moved to NYC.  Since then we have a hung out a few times.  At first it was mostly drinks here and there and coffee.  He’s an actor/temp and I’m a designer/waiter so our schedules are hard to coincide but we manage every couple of months.  And in the meantime we leave voice mails keeping the other abreast of what’s going on.  For example I got a text last week letting me know that the Law and Order episode he filmed last fall was finally being broadcast so I knew to DVR it.  (That’s why I DVR’d every episode of L&O last Wednesday because I wasn’t sure which one it was.)

And so tonight I had dinner with Ryan and his girlfriend.  I might also mention at this point that Ryan wants me to get him hired at the restaurant that I work at because he makes such lousy money temping.

So here’s the problem:

They tip like Canadians.

Every single time we have gone out I have had to leave the tip for all of us.  That’s if they put enough money in for the bill at all.  That’s the other thing that rubs me the wrong way.  The divide the bill down to the penny and then calculate how much they owe.  Tonight our bill for three came to ninety-one dollars and some change.  I did the math in my head rounding up and figured out that I owed 47.00 plus tax and tip.  I had two margaritas and that’s why my bill was so expensive.  They then figured out between them that their total was 40.00 plus tax and tip.  I’d be okay with this if it was true.  But it wasn’t.  My entrée was 18.00 so I counted it as 20.00.  My two margaritas were 16.00 so I counted it as 20.00.  My Diet Coke was 1.50 so I counted it as 2.00.  And my third of the nachos was three dollars so I counted it as 5.00.  That total coming to 47.00.  Now in case you weren’t paying attention on all four occasions I counted my total as at least fifty cents more than I owed and some times four dollars more than I owed.  So I was a little stunned when they decided what their total was going to be.   I was even more stunned when they handed me 45.00  to cover their share of the bill.  That barely covers the tax let alone the tip.  And this guy wants to be a waiter.  I don’t know where.

I didn’t say anything.  I pocketed the money they gave me, whipped out my debit card and paid the tab.  I left more than 20% because although the service wasn’t personal they were very attentive.

The first time Ryan and I went out to eat we split the 40.00 check in half.  He gave me 20.00 and got up to go to the bathroom.  I of course paid the check and included the tip.  The last time we went out to eat he and his girlfriend decided that a 10% tip was okay since it was just Indian food and they didn’t like the service or the food.

So I’m left trying to decide how to deal with this.  I like Ryan, and I like hanging out with him, but I don’t like having to pick up the slack and I like even less the idea that he’s not tipping across the board.  Any one who’s read my blog for more than ten minutes knows how I feel about people who don’t tip.  On the train ride home tonight I was completely ready to just tell him to go fuck himself.  But that’s probably not the answer.  I’m probably going to have to have dinner with him again and point out that he’s not paying his share and explain to him that if he’s not willing to do so, then I can’t hang out with him anymore.

But that seems to adult like.  And you know that I don’t like being an adult.  No really.  I don’t

Sucky Internet Connections

Sorry about no posts for the last couple of days.  I was exhausted on Friday night and fell asleep watching TV sometime around 11:30.  I woke up and went straight to bed.  Last night I was checking email and was going to post, but the lovely Internet service that we pay 12 trillion dollars a month for decided not to cooperate.  After re-starting the modem several times, I said fuck it and went to bed.

Out Internet has been so bad in the last few months that I actually discussed with my roommate this morning that perhaps it was time to try Verizon as a provider.  We have been with Time Warner since we moved in to our apartment two years ago.  It worked great for a while.  But that has cease to be the case.  First our modem went kaput.  And so we got a new one.  And that has been the beginning of the end.  For a while it was really bad so we called to make an appointment for someone to come repair it.  They got here (and he was hot too), replaced all the cables behind the TV, along with all the connectors.  It was then pointed out that the REAL problem was the line coming into the apartment from outside.  So we made an appointment for someone to come and replace the outside lines.  So the following week this guy shows up (not hot).  He comes into the apartment and immediately tells me the problem is the cables behind the TV and that the connectors are wrong.  I assure him that they’ve all been replaced and that we just need the outside lines replaced.  He leaves and comes back five minutes later.  Seems he brought a 12 foot ladder and since we live on the third floor this is a problem, and we’ll need to reschedule.  So the next week a new cable guy shows up to replace the outside cables.  He gets here (according to my roommate he’s cute too) and what would you know.  He also has a 12 foot ladder and since we live on the third floor this is a problem.  Luckily my roommate is here to deal with this one.  Somehow while checking things out, it’s discovered that the problem is that the line coming into the house is crimped.  This is fixed and suddenly things are good.

For a moment.

It’s been a couple of months now and things are back to before.  It’s not consistent.  It’s not reliable.  And we are paying 12 trillion dollars a month for the service.  It should work when we want it to.  Right?

So my roommate is calling this week to see what the price difference is and to see what will need to happen to change the service.  All I know is that I hope it works.

Have a great week everyone.  And my review of Gypsy will be posted tomorrow night.  I have three pages of hand written notes about what sucked about it.

A Sucky Internet Connection

Ugh.  I’ve been trying for 20 minutes to read my favorite blogs and leave comments.  But the internet isn’t cooperating.  We had an appointment on Wednesday to have it repaired, but all the guy could figure out was the problem was outside the apartment.  On Saturday a different guy is coming to deal with the cable on the outside of the apartment.  Hopefully this will fix the problem.  All I know is spending tons of money each month on something that only works part time is frustrating.  I want to be able to use my computer when I want to use it.  Not when it’s convenient for the fucking cable company.

Now that I’m grumpy I’m going to bed.

By the way, the cable guy who stopped by on Wednesday was HOT!  If only the appointment had turned out like it does in the movies, I probably wouldn’t mind that it’s not working right now.

A Working Girl…

Our Internet connection has been fucked lately.  Last night there was no hope of getting it to work.  I tried rebooting, unplugging, disconnecting all to no avail.  My roommate finally got so frustrated that he called Time Warner Cable to see if they could do something.  We now have an appointment for Wednesday for someone to come and “fix” it for us.  If you don’t hear from me for the next couple of days you know what’s up.

Work has been kind of interesting for the past two days.  Last night started with the new server manager cornering me in the kitchen to tell me what a great job I was doing.  As he put it, I’ve been on top of my game since I started, I’ve done everything they’ve asked me to do and I’m fun to work with.  I was kind of floored because this guy’s not known for his niceties.  Of course a mere four hours later things had changed a bit.

As I’ve mentioned I only work in the cocktail section.  I should also mention that I’m the only guy who does this.  All of the other “cocktailers” are girls.  Not only are they girls but they tend to be bitchy, pushy, and sometimes difficult to get along with.  I luckily am not bothered too much by this.  I do my job, and they leave me alone.  One of the girls, Gina, has decided that I’m a pushover.  For the last several weeks she’s been a little more bossy than usual.  She also does things like tell me to run drinks to her table, or drop a check, or give her a pen.  All of these things are told to me.  She’s never asked me to do something ever.  And it’s never accompanied by a please.  I usually do what she says, because I like to think that I’m a nice guy and usually it’s not a problem to help her, even though it would be nice to be asked.  She also does things like badger me to switch sections with her.  There are three cocktail sections.  Two of them are equal in their money making capabilities but one is easier to work than the other because of it’s layout and location.  The third section just sucks and I’m hardly ever scheduled in it.  Gina always wants the “good section” and I always tell her no.  But it doesn’t stop her from telling me that she’s a better server than me so I should give it to her.  I usually laugh and ignore her.

So last night, she was her bossy self as usual.  And around 9:00 the bad station got cut and so that made my station bigger by two tables.  I was going about my business when I noticed I had people at one of my new tables.  I went up to greet them only to find out that Gina had pulled her table and my table together so she could wait on a large party there.  In our restaurant that never happens.  They never mix stations.  If they are going to sit a large party at the same table they have to be in the same section.  Otherwise the party gets split up into different tables.  I questioned Gina about this and her response was she forgot it was my table but to make things balance I could have her empty table.  I was annoyed by this but I let it slide.  Fast forward two hours.  The table she gave me has paid and left, and so have the customers at our combined tables.  The bussers have bussed them and everything is back to normal.  And then I turn around and she’s pulling the tables back together again.  At this point I’d had enough.  I went over to the tables and explained that this wasn’t happening again.  It was my table and I was not allowing her to do this.  I had to say this to her about 12 times, and finally I pulled the tables apart told her the discussion was over and walked a way.  The conversation was intense but it was not out of line and it wasn’t inappropriate.   Yet.

I head to the kitchen to get some drinks and Gina corners me in front of the salad station.  She starts bitching at me, getting louder and louder.  Eventually she’s almost yelling at me.  During the entire exchange, I just keep calmly saying, “Gina, it’s my table.  And I don’t care.  It’s my table and I don’t care.”  What Gina doesn’t realize is that the manager’s office which is right next to the salad area is currently filled with every manager that is working.  They are hearing the entire conversation.  Finally in frustration Gina screams at me…”Well I guess that’s why you have stick up your ass.”  And walks away.

Unfortunately she didn’t get very far.  One of the manager’s on duty stopped her, pulled her into the office and closed the door.  I didn’t see any of this happen.  The next thing I knew someone else was waiting on her tables and she was gone.  Seems the managers told her to transfer her tables to someone else, cash out and go home.  They also told her that she couldn’t come back to work until the incident was discussed with the GM.  And that he didn’t take kindly to incidents in the restaurant that create hostile work environments.

WOW.  What an evening.  Gina cornered me around 30 minutes later at the bar and apologized.  She explained that she needed money and was being unfair and that she was sorry.  I accepted her apology.  Unfortunately I can’t do anything to make it better.  She did all of her yelling in front of the managers.

I did get talked to later about the incident.  I was told that next time something like this happened that I was to come to the manager before it got out of hand.  What’s funny is that I didn’t realize that it was going to get out of hand.  I thought it had all been settled.  I wasn’t expecting to get yelled at.  I also think Gina was surprised that I said no, and didn’t let her have her way.  I certainly hope that she doesn’t get fired.  It seems like a minor offense.  But I also think this might teach her a lesson.

And then tonight I was about two hours into my shift running around like crazy.  All of the managers were gathered up near the wait station.  As I was running by to get drinks, the bar manager stopped me and said…”Maddog, do you want to be a bartender.”  I was completely taken aback.  Bartending positions at my restaurant are VERY coveted.  There aren’t a lot of them, they make great money and they don’t work as hard as the servers.  The other notable thing is that their money is more consistent.  They don’t have the extreme ups and downs that servers have.  The take is usually always withing 50 dollars or so every night.  And that’s not true with servers.  I sold the same amount tonight as I did last night but made almost 150 dollars more tonight.  It’s a complete crap shoot.

I have a couple of days to let him know.  I’m going to discuss it with everyone I know and see what they think.

And that is work for the past two days in a nutshell.   I have one more day till the weekend.  I just hope that I can make it.

Day Thirty-Four: Oklahoma

It’s of course the wee hours of the morning. If I ever get back to civilization my clock is going to be fucked up for years to come. It’s 4:15 to be exact. I have been looking at fetish gear on this site (VERY NOT SAFE FOR WORK!) I walked downstairs to shouts of dismay. They couldn’t believe some of the things that were for sale. Cock rings, rim seats, dildos (especially the very large ones). I found their reaction to the items more amusing than the things themselves. One 19 year old couldn’t for the life of him understand why someone would want to suck a dick with a hood on. There were other questions and concerns that I found rather amusing. When I stop to think about it I HAVE been around the block a time or two and have played around with one or two of the items that were for sale (and enjoyed it I might add) so it’s not surprising to me that someone might want a hood, or a sounding wand, or a chair to rim in, or a VERY large dildo. Who am I to question what turns someone on.

Today has been a very social day. I got up early…10:30 to have lunch with the director. He was supposed to pick me up at 12:15. He got here at 1:30. Don’t get me started about people who are late. Anyway, he picked me up and we went to a little Italian restaurant that was rather nice and more importantly cheap. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it here, but the director likes to offer to take me out to lunch/dinner/drinks at expensive places and then make me pay my half. I know this now, so I was fully prepared. Lunch was great and we had the most bizarre waiter ever. He’d met the director once at a party and kept making very strange, weird comments. Nothing out of line, just things to make you roll your eyes as he walked away. It was a good time.

After lunch we drove around and he showed the huge oil mansions that are left from when oil was the big business down here. I’ve never seen so many large homes before. We drove around about 45 minutes. He showed me some other sights, and then we went back to his apartment and sat by the pool and drank wine. It was all fun and games until he got yelled at by the building president for having a glass container in the pool area. I understand the rule, but the guy was an ass in front of a guest. I’d say that pleasant manners supersede the glass rule. I was ready to say something but thought better of it.

After that it was off home to rest. I got here and discovered that I could keep the stage manager’s car so I rounded up some people to go to the movies. I discovered a dollar movie theatre and so we went off to see Hot Fuzz. It’s a hysterical movie. The set up took a long time, so much so I was beginning to wonder if I was ever going to get the pay off. But when it happened it was wonderful. My favorite line in the movie….He’s not Judge Judy and executioner. Maybe you had to be there.

After the movie we stopped at Sonic for a burger. What can I say, I hadn’t had dinner and it was open and I was hungry.

Then it was back to the dorm to hang out for a while. We were all sitting around joking a laughing. All the yungin’s make fun of me for being so old. In fact the one person I like the most out of all the crew…his mother is two years older than I am. Hmmm. Makes you stop to wonder doesn’t it. Anyway, we laughed, we joked, we looked at dirty pictures on line, we joked about the fisting bench (we decided we should definitely get the one with the head rest)and now it’s 4:35 and I’m off to bed. Oh the life of a designer…

One fisting bench with a head rest….and what’s not to like?  And it’s only $79.00

headrest1ttt.jpg

20 Degrees and Hiding from the Mob!

Will someone please remind the person in charge of the weather that it’s April and so the weather should be getting warmer. The high here yesterday was in the low 20’s. The high today was in the high 20’s, low 30’s. It’s too fucking cold for this time of the year. And now everything’s dead. The daffodils are leaning over in frozen heaps and the tulips aren’t much better. I’m sure that none of them will bloom now.

And to make matters absolutely worse: I left the insulated liner to my winter coat in NYC when I returned to Iowa. It was in the 60’s and it was April. I thought for sure I’d be done with it. So I have frozen my behind off this past week walking to work. Luckily I’m off till Tuesday so I’m going to stay wrapped up on my colonial recliner and hibernate.

house2.jpg

On a different note, a about 18 months ago I signed up for MySpace. My site is very basic. It’s listed under my name, with a photo of a show I designed, and it gives general stats. I have no interest in making it better and don’t spend much time even checking to see what’s there. In fact I hadn’t been on the site in at least a couple of months when I got a notice today that “Greg” wanted to be my friend. I had no idea who this Greg was but I thought I’d check it out. I fully expected it to be some 12 year old wanting me to be his “friend.” Turns out it was a friend from college. A fraternity brother in fact, although we were friends before he joined. I accepted him as my friend and sent him a quick message asking him to call. It’s been years since we’ve talked but it would be great to catch up. I’ll keep you posted.

So while on MySpace I noticed there was a red flag that I had new messages. Once again I was fully expecting it to be a 12 year old girl wanting to be my “friend.” (As a disclaimer here, I have no interest in 12 year old girls or boys, just in case “someone” does a Google search and is led to my blog.) There were a series of messages from people wanting me to join their singles groups and two messages from KC with a picture of her scuba diving. Before I deleted the KC messages, on a whim I clicked on one to see what it was about. What would you know? Another old friend. This one from high school. KC (Kim) and I haven’t talked in forever. It’s been at least 20+ years. In fact I remember the last time I saw her. She was driving a truck with the initials KC on the front. I sent her a quick message as well and she has already emailed me back. I’ll respond to her email tomorrow when I’m more awake and have to time to think about what I’m writing. Not like when I’m writing here.

The internet has been a wonderful tool for putting me back in touch with old friends. This is the sixth person in the last 7 or 8 months that’s found me from MySpace or Friendster. I’m kind of glad I signed up now. Of course if I was in the Witness Protection Program for turning State’s Evidence against some sort of Mobster Family with a boss called Uncle Chuck then I’d probably not have wanted to sign up. But since I’m not really hiding out, it’s been great being found by these people.

By the way the picture is of my living room in Iowa. This is the real estate company’s idea of furnished. A colonial recliner (thank God it reclines), an end table and a couple of lamps. Not even anything to put the TV on. I’ve been here for 3 months and it still looks the same although I did find this horrible table thing to hold the TV. Six weeks and counting!