Maddog’s Day Off

Winter has finally arrived here.  The high temperature today was somewhere in the low 30’s and the high tomorrow is supposed to be 22 degrees.  Brrrrr.  I have been cold all night, and so as a result I’ve been wrapped in a blanket on the couch.  Of course being cold might have something to do with just wearing a pair of shorts and a t-shirt, but then again maybe not.

I had the day off today and had planned to sleep late, but woke up almost 30 minutes before the alarm went off.  The alarm was set for noon, so it’s not like I got up early either way.  Of course I didn’t get to bed until almost 5:30.  I got home from work last night and was completely wired.  It had been another one of those nights waiting tables that makes you want to push people in front of moving trains.  I was stiffed 9 times last night.  And as always I don’t mean stiffed in the good way.  Nine different tables failed to tip me at all.  Unfortunately to0 many other people only tipped 10% or so, so the great tippers didn’t quite cover it all.  So I was a little grumpy when I got home and not ready for bed, so I read some blogs, wrote a blog entry, watched some TV, read and finally turned the light off at 5:20.

I was watching the news this morning afternoon when my phone rang.  I answered and before I knew it I had been on the phone all afternoon.  I had planned to run some errands, see Sweeney Todd, hang out downtown, and be back home for dinner and Project Runway.  Needless to say I had to re-think my schedule.

I didn’t even leave my house until almost 4:00.  Whoops.  I did manage to get most of my errands done but there was no time for a movie.  By the time I got to the bank, ran by work, and did a few other things my day was gone.  Oh, well I suppose Sweeney will still be playing next week.

What did amaze me was how much money I spent today.  My roommate and I were joking about how quickly money flies out of your pocket on your day off in New York.  I kept out 100 dollars today, to do everything I needed to do, plus eat dinner and get my laundry out of jail.  After I paid for dinner I had seven bucks left and I had yet to pay for my laundry.  How is that possible.  Of course, once I stopped to think about it, all the money was accounted for.  I just hated that I had spent that much money without even trying.  And it’s not like I did anything outrageous, or bought anything nice.  I did get some necessities though, so I guess spending the money was needed.  I just can’t spend anymore tomorrow until after I’ve worked.  Let’s hope the customers are being generous.

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A Day In The Life…

Sorry about no post for the last two days.  On Sunday I didn’t get home until almost 3 a.m. and had to be back at work at 10 a.m. so I cut my losses and went straight to bed.  I had an entire post figured out in my head last night but the Internet connection at my house was completely fucked so I bagged it and went to bed.  Let’s hope it last for 30 minutes or so so I can get this posted.

Last night I was all prepared for ranting, but I think I’ll save it for a night when I’m a little more angry.  Tonight I’m about as chilled as I ever get.

I had a great day today.  I slept until almost 2 p.m.   I set my alarm to get up at 11 a.m. but slept through it.  I might still be asleep if my friend Jeff hadn’t called to say hi.  I didn’t take the call but it did wake me.  I got up and made coffee and started my day.   I spent the next two hours on the phone.  I called a bunch of people I owed phone calls to and actually got to speak to a couple of them.  And then my friend Kelly called.  She worked with me this summer in Oklahoma and was calling to tell me about her latest adventures.  We talked for exactly an hour, catching up and telling each other all about what had happened since we left in July.

After the phone calls I left to run some errands.  I needed to go to the bank, to Bed, Bath and Beyond, Best Buy, and to buy some jeans.

First stop the bank.  When did customer service people stop saying please and thank you.  I just started banking at Commerce Bank in New York.  I opened a savings account there because I’m trying to restock some of my retirement money that I’ve been living on for the past year.  It’s an account that I’ve put my change in and I’m dropping in 10% of everything I earn from here on out.  So I got to the bank, filled out the deposit slip and went to the counter.  I handed the girl my money and the slip and apologized for not having my account number.  She didn’t even look at me.  She just snapped at me to give her my ATM card.  I took a deep breath and explained to her that first of all demanding I do something was borderline rude.  And that she might try asking for the card next time.  I then explained that I didn’t have a card.  She then grunted at me to tell her my social security number.  I found this interesting, since we live in a time of identity theft and she wanted me to just say the number while I was standing three feet away from two other customers.  I finished the transaction, all the while thinking that I just might need to close the account and reopen the account in a different bank.  It’s not a lot of money but it’s enough that I don’t think I should have to put up with the attitude.

Next I was off to buy jeans.  I only have one pair of work pants and I’ve been wearing them everyday.  Which means they aren’t exactly clean when I have to open the restaurant after closing the night before.  I had put off buying them because I was hoping to be down a pants size before I did it.  I headed cross town to the Causal Male XL store which is the only place in Manhattan that I know that sells big boy clothes.  I got there, looked around while the sales guy was helping someone else.  He finally got  to me and I asked him for a pair of jeans in my size.  When I bought my last pair they were size 46.  I was guessing that I was down to a size 44.  He brought them out to me and I went in to try them on.  They were huge on me.  I was happy to say the least.  I gave them back to him and be brought me a pair of 42’s.  They fit perfectly.  Yippee.  Of course I bought them.  When I was checking out, the girl waiting on me asked if I would like to be on their mailing list.  I told her I didn’t plan on being fat long enough to take advantage of it.  Let’s hope that’s true.

While I’m on the subject of weight.  As of today I’ve lost 51.2 pounds.  I’m finally under the 250 mark.  It’s been a long time since I could say that.  I still have over 60 pounds to go, but I’m getting there one pound at a time.  I just have to keep my eye on the prize and keep up the work.

After the jeans I was off to Best Buy.  Yesterday on the way to work, I caught the head phone cable to my Ipod on the door walking into the restaurant and broke it.  The headphones, not the Ipod.  So I needed to get a headphones.  I found where they were kept and started looking.  While I was standing there and man walks up and without even blinking steps between me and the shelf and begins his own shopping.  And it’s not like I was 10 feet away from it.  There was just enough room for a person between me and the shelf.  I was somewhat taken aback.  I stood there for a moment, cleared my throat and said…”uh, excuse me.”  He turned and looked at me like I had three heads but at least moved aside.  I picked up the pair I’d been looking at and headed to the counter to buy them.

My question is, and I’ve been meaning to ask this of you guys for a while now.  When did we as a society stop saying excuse me.  I’ve been super aware of it for the last several months now and almost no one says excuse me any more.  People bump into you, push you, move you, and not one of them can say excuse me.  And it’s not one particular type of person.  It’s black, white, Hispanic, Asian.  Male, Female.  Gay, Straight.  It really makes me wonder what lies ahead in the world of courtesy.

After my adventures at Best Buy I was off to Bed Bath and Beyond.  I was indulging myself.  I bought a foot spa to soak my feet in after my long nights waiting table.  My friend Michelle suggested it today and I thought, what the fuck.  It certainly can’t hurt.  I got it home tonight and tried it out.  I don’t know if it will help the pain I have while I’m on my feet, but it certainly feels good in the moment.  So I’ll keep you posted as to how it works.

And that was my day.  How was yours?

An Eye-opening Realization…

I’m tired.  I had way to much caffeine last night driving home from Boston and I was wired when I finally got to bed.  Couple that with the two guys screaming at each other next door and it was not a restful night of sleep.  Luckily, the cops finally came and shut the two guys up and eventually I was able to fall asleep.  Unfortunately, I was wide awake at 7:00 this morning.  And if you know me, that’s not typical at all.  I tried and tried to go back to sleep, to no avail, and finally got up at 8:30.   Needless to say, my butt has been dragging a little all day.

As usual there’s not much to report.  Michelle’s girlfriend Lisa got home last night and she spent the day cleaning.  I’ve never seen someone clean, as quickly, efficiently, and as thoroughly as she did.  She started around 11:00 and was still going at it at 4:00.  She was scrubbing floors, and vacuuming, doing laundry, and not a spot when uncovered.  I offered to help several times,  but she made it clear that I should just stay out of the way.  I ended up in my room reading.  At one point I was almost asleep and put the book down and just as suddenly I was awake.  After about 15 or 20 minutes of trying to get to sleep, I said fuck it and came down to my computer.  By that time she’d finished in this room and I was able to read some blogs in peace.

Michelle had worked the overnight shift at her job last night and finally woke up around 4:15 or so.  When she appeared she was all dressed to go walking.  I quickly changed and we headed to the bay.  There were a couple of shirtless boys but I didn’t think either of them were very cute.  There weren’t many people out walking.  The temperature at 5:00 was only around 63 so I think people are starting to stay inside more.

After the walk, we ran a couple of errands.  To the grocery to get some salad dressing for me.  I also picked up a steak for dinner.  It was very delicious.  Then we ran by the post office to drop off my Netflix movies and then to the video store so that Michelle could rent a movie for tonight.  We ended up with Factory Girl.  I hated it.  I thought it was a little bit one note that didn’t really go anywhere till the end.  The performances were great, but I didn’t care for the movie.  Then it was back home for dinner.

The kitchen is Lisa’s domain so she made dinner.  As always it was very good.  I did help set the table and I did some of the dishes afterward, but for the most part I was an innocent bystander.

But as I sat and watched my day unfold around me I became very aware of something.

I had mentioned that I was thinking about staying in Maine for a while.  I like it here, and have met some wonderful people who seem to like me a lot.  It’s been great spending time with Michelle and Lisa and I love them a lot.  But I realized today that I can’t continue to be a guest in their home.  It’s a wonderful place to visit.  They take very good care of me and I don’t think they mind my being here.  But it’s not my home.  Although I feel very comfortable here as a guest, I don’t feel comfortable to stay an extended amount of time.  I can’t watch TV.  I can’t lie on the couch.  I can’t walk around in my underwear.  I can’t leave my dirty dishes in the sink.  I can’t do a lot of things that I could do if this were my house.  And it’s not like they’ve done anything to make me feel anything other than welcome.  It’s just a reality.  If I stay here, I’ll be a guest if their home.  And I don’t want to be that.

I want to be someplace where I feel comfortable being me.  I want to be someplace where if I want to lie on the couch and watch a movie it’s no big deal.  I want to be feel like I belong where I am.  Some of you may ask, why don’t I just move to Portland then.  Well, it’s a little more complicated than that.  I have a  lease on an apartment in NYC that’s not up till next July.  I would never consider breaking the lease or just leaving my roommate holding the bag.  If it were a different roommate maybe.  But I care too much about Chuck to even consider doing that.  It’s also a little cost prohibitive.  If any of you have ever moved long distances, it would cost several thousand dollars to get my stuff from NYC to Portland.  And when you are unemployed 5 bucks is a lot of money.  Five thousand is unimaginable.

So that brings me back to being in Maine.  So I kind of came to the realization that I’m not going to stay.  In fact, if I had a little more notice I would leave for good tomorrow.  Unfortunately, I’ll have to rent a car to get back down there, and it cost more to do that with such little notice.  So on Friday, I’ll come back to Maine.  In the meantime I’m going to reserve a car for next Monday or Tuesday to take me back to the city.  And then I’m left with the very big task of finding a job.  I have to find something even if it’s working at McDonald’s to pay the bills until a job that I want comes open.  The kind of jobs that I’m looking for aren’t really hiring right now and won’t be for the next couple of months.  So next week I have to hit the pavement to look for something.

And now with all of this decided I have to tell Michelle.  She loves me a lot and only wants the best for me.  But I don’t think she’ll understand my reasoning when I say that I want to head back to NYC.  I just have to stand strong and not let her talk me out of it.

And on a last note.  Today was my weigh in.  I’ve lost 20.5 pounds.  Not too bad if I do say so myself.