I turn 50 in April.
How is this even possible? 50 fucking years old.
Just last Tuesday I was moving to Maine.
Two Tuesdays ago I was graduating from grad school in San Diego.
Three Tuesdays ago I was dating David.
Four Tuesdays ago I was moving to New York.
Five Tuesdays ago I was living in Cincinnati.
Six Tuesdays ago I was in grad school for the first time.
Seven Tuesdays ago I was in Atlanta, just coming out of the closet.
Eight Tuesdays ago I was in college.
Seriously. Two months ago I was getting a degree in Communications in a tiny liberal arts college in Kentucky.
I scheduled my colonoscopy.
That’s what you do when you turn 50. Right?
It doesn’t scare me. It doesn’t even make me anxious.
I had one back in the 90’s when I was experiencing strange stomach pains. I’ve since established (my thoughts not a doctors) that it was my appendix all the time. When my appendix finally burst and decided it had to come out it was the same periodic pain I’d been experiencing since the lat 80’s.
I had a colonoscopy back then. It doens’t scare me. I’ve had much bigger things in my butt. For much different reasons. 🙂
But it does make me step back and realize that I’m getting old. I’m on the second half of my life. My best years are behind me. Of course most days I don’t feel old. I feel 25. I tell people often at work that the only time I feel my age is the 5 minutes it takes for me to get from the bed, to pee, to the shower. Once I’m in the shower I feel 20 years younger. However, crawling from the bed to the bathroom in the morning I feel 115. Everything hurts. My joints ache. My feet hurt. My back hurts. EVERY FUCKING THING HURTS.
So the week after I turn 50 I’m scheduled to go in for my procedure. I need a driver. Do you think Adam will take me? He might be thinking it’s time to trade me in for a younger model since he’s only 40. I’m not sure he signed up for senior citizen care.
I keep digressing.
I really am NOT nervous. I’ll go in. Adam will drive me home. I’ll make Adam wait on me when I get home. Fetch me Diet Cokes and the like. And in a couple of day/weeks I’ll get my results and life will go on as always.
How the hell did I get to be 50?