Dining 101!

Repeat after me.

Do not be the last table left in the restaurant.

Do not be the last table left in the restaurant.

Do not be the last table left in the restaurant.

While you are at it.

Do not walk into the restaurant at closing time.

Do not walk into the restaurant at closing time.

Do not walk into the restaurant at closing time.

There.  That’s all you need to know.  It amazes me how many people show up at our door at 9:15 and then get angry when I tell them that we are closed.  We have one particular couple that knows what time we close and at least twice a month show up four or five minutes past closing and demand to be seated.  I make the call on whether to seat them on how long it’s been since we sat our last table.  If the restaurant is still full and the kitchen is still cooking I’ll say what the hell.  If we haven’t sat a table in 30 or 40 minutes, the kitchen is done, and the restaurant is starting to clear out I’ll say no.  It’s not worth it to keep 10 people in the restaurant extra 90 minutes or so because you can’t make it to the restaurant before we close.

And for the love of all things holy, DO NOT SIT AT YOUR TABLE FOR AN HOUR JUST CHATTING WHEN YOU ARE THE ONLY TABLE LEFT IN THE RESTAURANT.  Seriously.  No one likes you.  It’s selfish.  Self centered.  And fucking obnoxious.  This happens a lot at my restaurant.  They’ll just sit and sit and sit and sit and sit and sit.  Completely oblivious to the fact that it’s now approaching midnight and everyone wants to go home.  A couple of times I’ve given up and turned the music off so they get the hint.  And at least two times when that didn’t work I turned the lights up making it clear that three hours after closing was long enough.  GO THE FUCK HOME.

The reason I’m writing this is because we had tables sitting tonight.  Just sitting.  And as the General Manager I’m supposed to pretend that it doesn’t bother me.  They are spending money, we want the business and it’s how we pay our rent.  That’s what I project on the outside.  On the inside I’m stabbing them in the face with a fork.  Very rarely do I let my staff know how annoyed I am that the people aren’t leaving.  Rarely.  Although it has come out once or twice.  Mostly when it’s seriously been three or more hours after closing and the tables are still sitting there.

So once again repeat after me:

I won’t walk into the restaurant at closing time.

And.

I will not be the last table in the restaurant.

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One thought on “Dining 101!

  1. Urspo September 21, 2014 / 14:40

    All very sensible and courteous notions, yes.

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