I did not get the job from last Wednesday. The one with the credit check. They sent me a very ambiguous email today that said thanks, we’ll keep you in our files etc. I have not told Adam. I can’t bear to look at him when he finds out. I’m starting to feel like I’ve failed him, failed the relationship, failed everything. And I have no idea how to make things better. I have no income, he’s trying to support us on his job which is mediocre right now to say the least. It has the potential to be awesome but it will take some time to get there. In the meantime I have no income, no prospect for income and the rent is do in 10 days. Ugh.
There was nothing posted today to apply to. I check everyday, all day, ten times a day craigslist and jobsinmaine.com. Today nothing. Most days there is at least something but I don’t feel like I’m qualified for most things I apply to. The only thing remotely possible for today was waiting tables at Egg and I. Do I want to be a server again? Do I want to wait tables in a restaurant like that? ugh. ugh. ugh. What to do, what to do, what to do.
On the good side, I had drinks with a man who runs a theater company here in the city. I have no idea what it can or will or could amount to. He has a lighting designer he uses for all of his shows. I get the feeling he pays about 20 cents for their services when he does use them, so it’s not like meeting him is going to lead to my paying my rent that way. But at least it’s a step in some direction. Whether it’s the right one or not.
Perhaps tomorrow will be a better day!