Make sure it’s green!!!

My question:

If you had such a horrible experience and the food WAS so fucking bad…why the fuck would you come back.  In less than a week.  And order the same fucking food.

The night started off innocuous enough.

And then I go to the lobby to get my first table of the night.  Actually first two tables of the night.  At the same time.

I take the first two couples in line and I start back into the dining room.

I seat the first table and realize the second table is not behind me. So I go find him. I bring him to my table and I can see he’s not very happy with the table.  In his defense, it’s probably one of the top 3 worst tables in the restaurant. In my defense, I saved him from waiting 90 minutes for a table.  I ask him if it’s okay and he says he’ll have to wait for his wife to decide.  I remind him the wait is 90 minutes and walk away.

I come back to the table and the wife is sitting there.  They are quite nice and friendly and ask where I’m from.  I reply Kentucky and the guy wants to know if I’m from Frankfort, which is a weird question because no one ever suggests that you are from Frankfort.

I get their drink order.

I come back and ask if they are ready to order.

And then it starts.

Her:  I’d like the caesar salad.

Me:  With chicken?

Wait.  I’m not finished.  I want the caesar salad.  No bacon and since I’m not getting bacon I want extra croutons.

(Um.  Okay.)

Do you want chicken?

NO.  I do NOT want chicken.  And I want the dressing on the side.


And I do not want bacon.  I want extra croutons.  And I want you to make sure the lettuce is green.  I ordered the caesar salad the other night and when I got it the lettuce was white.  It was not green.  I do not like white lettuce.  I want it green.

Uh.  Yes m’am.

And I want olives.  The menu says that it comes with olives and when I got it the other night it didn’t have olives on it.

I’m sorry about that.

And make sure the lettuce is green.  I’ll send it back if the lettuce is not green.  They only gave us the white part.  And I don’t like that.

Yes m’am.

And for you sir?

I want a caesar salad as well.  And I want to make sure the lettuce in my salad is also green.  I’ll send it back if it’s not green.  We ordered it the other night and it was not green.  It was white.

Any chicken for you?



NO.  But I do want green lettuce.  We ordered it the other night and it was not green.

Yes. Sir.

Anything else.

Yes.  I want a cheeseburger.

Which one?

Just a regular cheeseburger.

Yes.  Which one.

Just a regular cheeseburger.

Big or small?

Small.  And I don’t want any relish on it.  NO RELISH.

Yes.  Sir.

But I do want mustard.

The burger is dry sir, you can put what you want on it.

Yes.  But I want mustard.

Like I said the burger is dry.  But I’ll bring you mustard.

Just all American plain yellow mustard.  No fancy french mustards.  Or brown mustards.  Or Grey Poupon.  Just all American yel/


Yes.  Make sure that the lettuce is green.  We ordered the caesar salad the other night.  On the 28th and the lettuce was white.  And we DO NOT want white lettuce.


Okay.  But I’m going to send it back if it’s not green.  And I won’t be happy.

I’m sure you won’t.

And I walk away.

In the meantime, my entire section is a mess because this couple is concerned that their lettuce is going to be white when they get their salad.  I’m about 90% sure when they ordered their salad last time they were not given romaine lettuce and that was the problem but I didn’t even try to go into with them.  And it was the 28th.  The restaurant was probably a zoo.  They are lucky they got the salad at all.

So I get the man’s salad and I take it to the table.

Where’s hers?

I assumed that she’d want her salad when you got your burger.

Yes, but can’t you bring it all out now.

No.  The burger is cooking.  And the her salad is not prepared.

Okay.  Just make sure the lettuce on her salad is green.  Mine looks okay, but we don’t want to have to send it back.

It never got better.  And of course something had to be wrong.  The burger was undercooked so they sent it back.  I even had the manager take the burger back out to make sure all was well.

I killed them with kindness and hoped for the best.

And finally they asked for the check.

And they paid.

And they left me four dollars.

On fifty.





2 thoughts on “Make sure it’s green!!!

  1. Java January 3, 2012 / 07:34

    After all the effort you went to making sure their lettuce was green (probably none, but it was effort taking their order) one would expect them to leave you a significant amount of green. 15%, maybe 20%. What jerkwads.

    Did you have to work New Years Eve?

  2. Catrina January 11, 2012 / 08:44

    Why do people stiff the wait staff if their gripes have NOTHING to do with service? Since I started reading your blog, hubby and I now START at 20% tip, and unless the wait staff completely ignores us, it only goes up from there. And if there’s a problem with the food—ask to see the manager, but NEVER stiff the wait staff! Oh, and most of all—WELCOME BACK!!!

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