I take things too personally.
I have a hard time letting things go.
When I do both it’s a recipe for disaster.
I slept like shit last night. I slept even worse after Adam said goodbye this morning. I spent the entire time I was in bed and the several hours after I got up fighting about my schedule. And it’s all in my head. And it drives me crazy. But I can’t turn it off.
I was such a mess today that I almost called into work sick. It took every bit of energy to not do just that. Even sitting in pre-shift I sat on my hands so that I couldn’t raise it when they asked if anyone wanted to go home.
I was finally able to move past it around 6:00. Just in time for the night from hell. The first fifty tables I waited on tonight ordered waters to drink and then shared a nacho. At 7:00 I still hadn’t had a check over 50 dollars. Couple that with people not tipping and it made for a very long night even after I stopped fighting in my head.
I did talk to Daniel this afternoon. I was walking down the hall toward his office when he asked me if I how I was doing. I said, “Just the person I wanted to see.” To which he replied, “Uh oh.” And I replied, “Really? Really? I thought this was supposed to be getting better?”
We chatted and I was told what I’ve been told the last two times. That he would look into it. Unfortunately, looking into isn’t going to fix my schedule for next week. So I’m left trying to figure out how to pay my bills while “he looks into it.”
I started playing the game tonight. I rang up at least three hamburgers, add cheese. And a couple of nachos, add chicken. I can be just as sneaky as everyone else. And if it gets me a better schedule then so be it. I’m just sort of done with it.
Now I should probably go to bed. Before I start the fighting again.
PS. I’ve already done one survey tonight. I think I’ll do some more before I go to bed.