Tuesday night.


I’ve been missing in action again.

I’ve been depressed.

Not sleeping.


Adam flew to Texas last Thursday.

His grandfather has been sick for a while and last week his father told him that if he wanted to see his grandfather alive he should come to Texas.  He spent two days debating whether he should go.

I finally told him:  “You’ll never regret having gone.  You might regret NOT having gone.”

So last Thursday he flew to Texas.

And that means I’ve been sleeping alone.  That I spent the weekend alone.

I don’t like sleeping alone.  I don’t like spending my weekends alone.  How the fuck did I do it for so long.  I actually told Adam last night that it’s not so much depression as the realization of how sucky my life was before we met.  Yuck.

It’s nice to have someone to spend time with.  Share you life with.  Plan your life with.

In fact as of two weeks ago our calendar is planned through Valentine’s Day of next year.  There was a time when that would have scared me.  Now it makes me smile.  Makes me happy.

I really do love him.  More than anyone I’ve ever loved.

HE makes me happy.

His grandfather died at 4:00 a.m. on Monday morning.  He’d been declining rapidly for about six months.  I was asked by a co-worker what he died from.  I told them he was just old.  His grandfather turned 102 in May.  He’d lived a long and healthy life.  To my knowledge he never really had any health issues until the last year.

He was surrounded by him family when he passed.

That’s exactly how I’d like my life to end.

PS.  Yes Adam.  I’m a little teary eyed as I right this.  He knew without me telling him anyway.


3 thoughts on “Tuesday night.

  1. Peter August 25, 2010 / 03:33

    Condolences to Adam’s loss, and in a way to your loss.

  2. Lemuel August 25, 2010 / 05:47

    My heart-felt sympathy for Adam and for his family – and for you, for you are a part of Adam and he, of you. May good memories of Adam’s grandfather bring you much joy and comfort in your loss.

  3. Java August 25, 2010 / 21:02

    That sounds like a very peaceful, maybe even a happy passing. I’m glad Adam went to Texas. Though I know it’s a pain to be there without him. Is he home yet? I suppose he’ll stay a little while longer for the funeral and whatnot. Anyhow, I hope he comes home soon.

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