Christmas Vacation Part 10.

Adam says I’m dragging out my Christmas story to long.  Perhaps he’s right.  Of course there is always the slightest, not likely chance that he’s not right.  It would of course be the first time he wasn’t right.  But it could be.


I’m sitting in the kitchen, Adam is next to me, Maureen is across from me.  We all turn as Kelly rounds the corner.

I wish there were something really exciting to tell you here.  There isn’t really.  We shake hands.  We talk.  He asks about our trip in.  We tell him about Southern Missouri.  He tells us we should have stayed on the Highways.  He asks about driving through the snow.  I bite my tongue.  It’s all very pleasant.

Then everyone wants to know what we are going to do for the day.

I have one item on my agenda.

I want to get my hair cut.

That’s all.

So we ask Adam’s parents where I might be able to get a hair cut.

Maureen says that it’s probably to late to get an appointment with one of the salon’s in town.  (SALON?)

Kelly tells us that he might be able to call the girl that cuts his hair to see if she could fit us in.

Adam stops them both right there.

I don’t want a salon.  Yes, I know I’m from NYC but I really want a man, with clippers, and a razor to cut my hair.  Preferably with a barber poll out front.  They seem at a loss as to what to say.  Surely their gay son’s new boyfriend wants to get his hair cut in a salon.  Surely.

This leads to a conversation about Barbers.  One guy has retired.  The other one’s…Jim.  Jim has been cutting hair since before the Great War.  He’s 110 years old and they don’t know what he’ll do to my head but he’s my best bet.  He’s actually my only bet.

I guess Jim it is then.

Adam and I shower and head out the door.

First stop.


You can’t do anything without a Diet Coke.  A Route 44 Diet Coke.

Then I’m given a quick tour.  It’s a small town.  We tour the good side of the tracks.  We’ll see the other side of the tracks tomorrow.

Then we head to Jim’s.

When we get there, he’s closed.  Of course it is lunch time to so what did we expect.

So we decide it might be time for lunch.

This is where Adam and I had a disagreement about our trip.

The town he lives in has a population of 2,200 people.  His father knows everyone and I do mean everyone that lives in the town and most of the people that live in the county.  Therefore EVERYONE knows Adam.  So to get out of the car means that he’ll have to talk to someone he knows.  Seems that it’s very typical for him to just buy lunch at Sonic and then hide at home.  I however, have decided that I didn’t drive 30 hours to eat at Sonic.  I want to go where the locals go.  And well that’s either Sonic, or Gloria’s.  I told him to put on his grown up pants and that we were going to Gloria’s.

While we are at it, here is a photo of downtown…  It’s the only one I took.  Adam didn’t want me to look like a tourist….the only tourist.

Here are some photos I pulled off Google Maps.

It’s amazing what you can see on Google Maps.

So we pull up at Gloria’s.  And we go in.  And OF COURSE…

Adam knows everyone in the restaurant.

I should point out that Adam is an extrovert in that nothing embarrasses him, and he can talk to just about anyone…but he doesn’t like to.  He’s an extrovert that likes to stay home and not talk to anyone.

I don’t remember the names of the people I was introduced to.  The first couple of people were two of his dad’s best friends in town.  What I do remember is the way men introduce themselves in Texas.

They reach out their hand.

The grab your hand in a vice like grip.

The pump your hand while saying.


“John.  Doe.”

“Glad to meet ya!”

The introduction always includes their first name twice followed by the last name.  This was not just true at Gloria’s.  This was true of his dad, his cousins, his family etc.  Everyone in Texas does this.  I just stick out my hand and say “Hi.  I’m Maddog.”

In return, Adam introduces me as “his friend.”  I don’t mind this.  But I like to bust his balls and say, “What are you embarrassed to call me your boyfriend?”  As he puts it…these people have known him his entire life, when he says “This is my friend,” they know exactly what he means.

Finally after three hours we sit down to eat.

We are brought a menu that looks like this…

Check out those selections.  And those PRICES!!!!

Diet Coke for a buck.  In a restaurant?  Who’s ever heard of such a thing?

Adam’s favorite food in the whole wide world is a cheeseburger.  Remind me to tell you about that some other time.

He orders a cheeseburger.

Me on the other hand.   All I see is CHICKEN FRIED STEAK!!!!

Is there anything else worth looking at on the menu.  And it comes with fresh cut french fries, dinner salad and Texas toast.  I can hardly wait.

In my restaurant in NYC the staff is always amazed at people who take pictures of their food.  Why the fuck would anyone want to take a picture of their food.

I still don’t know…but here’s a picture of my chicken friend steak…

Have you ever seen anything more delicious.  Steak.  Battered.  And then fried.  With french fries.  And the chopped lettuce makes it healthy.  It was awesome.  And the steak was so tender you could cut it with a fork.  It melted in my mouth.  Adam was insanely jealous.  Jealous enough to force himself to come back the next day and skip the hamburger and get the CFS.

And lunch was done.

I’d tell you about the hair cut.  But it’s 5:30.  It’s cold.  And I want to go to bed.

See you guys tomorrow night.


5 thoughts on “Christmas Vacation Part 10.

  1. Lemuel January 30, 2010 / 07:26

    I’ve never been to Texas (or even close), but in the parts that I come from in PA I understand the difference between a guy introducing someone as a friend – when he’s just a friend and when he’s a “boyfriend”. Same vocabulary. Same grammar. Different meaning. I don’t explain how or why, I just know its communicated in places in which folks are just not ready to hear boyfriend or lover or partner – let alone husband.
    I had to chuckle also at your comment on the prices. I know where you were going, but I can also hear some locals reacting that Gloria will soon be out of business if she doesn’t stop raising her prices so high. 😀

  2. Java January 30, 2010 / 11:41

    Amazingly, it’s all the same country.
    I rode through Texas, east to west, one summer with my dad, step-mom and 5 brothers/step-brothers. It took a year and a half. I don’t remember the return trip, though I suppose there was one, as I am now in South Carolina.

    The pictures of the town look much like the next town west of us. The town here has a somewhat smaller town square with a statue in the middle of it, memorializing the Civil War soldiers.

  3. Peter January 31, 2010 / 04:09

    I’m afraid Adam is right. You’re stretching it a bit… It’s almost Xmas again. 😉

  4. Peter January 31, 2010 / 04:12

    BTW the town, it looks like many small towns I’ve seen in the MidWest, if you have space why waste it with highrises.

  5. Urspo February 1, 2010 / 23:44

    no more friend steak though, it is bad for the complexion.

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