Once upon a time……………….

Once upon a time there was a boy named Nick.  And he was depressed.

Nick was a lot like Eeyore.  Everything that cames out of Nick’s mouth was depressing.


Do any of you out there know Eeyore’s.  It’s enough to make you want to claw your eyes out.  Actually it makes me want to slap him and tell him to “Snap out of it!”

Nick is one of my fellow cocktailers.  He started a little over a year ago and like all of us, found himself working those three stations and there you go.

From the beginning Nick was hard to deal with.  I tried to offer him advice when working cocktails.  He didn’t need it.  He already knew everything he needed to know.  To this day Nick thinks he’s one of the best servers in the restaurant.  I personally think I’d tip him just to try and make him smile.  I don’t think it would work.

Nick also always has a plan.  Since I’ve known him he was going to:

Become a stock broker.

Manage an Italian Restaurant.

Manage a Soup Store.

Buy a deli.

Be a Financial Advisor.

Go to School to be a nurse.

Become a fine dining waiter.

Move to Atlantic City and get a job at a casino.

Move to Florida to go into business with his Dad.

These are just the ones I can think of.  Having a plan is admirable.  I don’t have a plan.  I wish I did.  Having a new plan every time you work is annoying.

Nick is also engaged.  He’s 28.  His fiancee is 21.  I say fiancee because he gets upset if you say girlfriend.  They are getting married next year.  They are spending 30,000 dollars on the wedding.  He has to put down a 3,500 deposit on the reception hall after New Years.  He proposed to her in Atlantic City.  (Maybe he was there looking for a job).  He texts her endlessly throughout the night.  He sends more texts in one night than I’ve sent in my whole life.  Actually he sends more texts in one hour than I’ve sent in my whole life.

He also has a plan for the fiancee and the wedding.  In two weeks she’s going to move in with him and he’s going to pay her cell phone bill, her credit card bill, and her ____________ bill, and he’ll cover the rent.  That way they can be together all the time.  In two weeks he’s going to move into her brother’s room and that way he can save money to help pay for the wedding.  In two weeks, she’s going to start school so she’ll have to quit work so he’ll have to pay for the wedding but it will be okay because she’ll have a good job when she’s done.  In two weeks she’s taking a test to get into school.  If she passes and can keep her grades above a 3.0 her parents will pay for it.  In two weeks they are going to ____________ (I’m tired.  Fill in the blanks.)

He also has a plan as to how to pay for the wedding.  If he works four shifts a week and makes 200 dollars a shift and puts 50% of that in the bank then he’ll just be able to make his half of the wedding in __________.  If he gets a second job works five days a week every week until 4:00 then he’ll have time to get to work and wait tables at night.  He’ll only get about three hours of sleep a night but that’s okay because she’s worth it.  If his uncle lets him work in his office six hours a day two days a week then he’ll be able to put the money down for the photographer in March.  If he________.  I’m getting tired again.

Other things I’ve learned about Nick.

He lives in Staten Island.  It takes him 2.5 hours to get home.  He usually gets about three hours of sleep.  (Which might explain why he’s depressed).

He spends about 250 dollars on EZ Pass each month going to and from his “fiancee’s” house each month.

He hates her parents.

He took her Christmas shopping because it made more sense just to buy her what she wanted than to buy stuff and have her take it back.

My personal favorite:  “I won’t break up with her because I have too much time and money invested.”  No mention of love.  Just time and money.

And he had to leave work early tonight because they go into a fight over the phone in a text conversation and they were both crying.  And why were they fighting.  She called him an asshole because he yelled at her for going out with her friends tonight instead of staying home and saving for the wedding.  Then he told her that she was selfish and then they both started crying and he went to a manager and asked to leave early.

Of course none of this was a secret.  He told everyone what was going on.  Over.  And Over.  And Over.  And of course as soon as he was gone we all started talking.

My opinion.

He’ll never get married to this girl.  She’s young.  21.  She’s not going to school.  She has no prospects.  He buys her things.  He pays attention to her.  And he doesn’t live near her.  In other words he’s the perfect stooge.  He shows up.  Brings her presents.  Doesn’t have sex with her because she’s still living at home.  She’s able to play during the week because he’s an hour away.  As soon as someone better comes along she’ll be out the door.

And then we’ll all be left to pick up the pieces.

And if he was depressed before she came a long and is even more depressed now.  He’ll be unbearable if she does dump him.

Once upon a time there was this boy named Nick.  And he was depressed.


5 thoughts on “Once upon a time……………….

  1. Sarah December 17, 2009 / 09:13

    You forgot the part about how he is a controlling loser.

  2. Peter December 17, 2009 / 12:28

    And the first thing to start saving… stop IM-ing! [is that an English word? IM-ing??]

    I plan to say it… Sorry, what a loser!

  3. Lemuel December 18, 2009 / 06:21

    I can see a scenario in which they do get married – and spend the $30K(!) on the wedding – and he’s in hock over his ears – and the marriage lasts as long as Brittany Spear’s marriage to what’s his face.
    My take is that he’s 28 going on 8 and she’s 21 going on 11.
    I would love to know what their home life was like (growing up) for each of them. I’ll be both moms are a trip.
    My other thought: these two immature people can get married without a second thought and even breed and possibly raise more dysfunctional children. Now if they were both of the same gender…

  4. Sarah December 18, 2009 / 08:58

    If they were of the same gender it would be a mockery of the sacred institution called marriage!

    Actually, I think Nick is trying to use marriage old school in order to control this silly little girl. Once she’s under his thumb, he won’t have to cry into his cellphone at work anymore.

  5. Urspo December 21, 2009 / 00:06

    what a sad story.

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