My visit to Kentucky. Part 2

It’s no fun having a boyfriend who reads your blog.  He’s worse than you guys about wanting to know why I stopped telling a story.  Or when I’m going to finish up.  Etc. etc.

I promised him I’d tell the rest of the Kentucky story.

Here’s the next installment.

As you know I took Adam home to meet the family over Memorial Day weekend.  It was more fun than you can imagine.

As you also know, I explained to my mom about three weeks before this that Adam was my boyfriend.  It’s the first time we’d ever really talked about the gay thing.  I wondered how, once we were home she’d approach the subject.  She ignored it as much as she could which wasn’t often because I kept bringing it up.

We got to my mom’s house around 1:00 a.m.  or so.  It was late.  All the way from Cincinnati to Lexington I kept feeling guilty that we’d not gotten home sooner.  I knew my mom would be up waiting and I also knew that she was probably disappointed that I wasn’t there already.  She never says anything but I can hear it in her voice.  Or it could be I just feel guilty and project.  When I get a therapist I’ll explore this with them.  I called her as we got off the Interstate to let her know we were there.  She was waiting at the door when I pulled in.

We both got out of the car and walked up to the door.  I was nervous.  Very nervous.  I’ve taken lots of people home to meet my parents, but Adam is different.  I wanted them to like each other.  

I stepped through the door and was blown away.  It looked like my mother had aged about 20 years since I was home last summer.  I gave her a big hug and told her I was glad to be home.  I stepped back and then introduced to her to Adam.  She was very gracious and he was very sweet.  He still isn’t sure what to call her.  I told him to call her Catherine until they got to know each other and then to call her Cat like everyone else does.  He has suggested once they get to know each other he might call her Mama Cat.  I’m not sure how I feel about this.

We got our luggage into my room and we got settled into the kitchen.  Even though it was late my mother was not about to go to bed until we had had a chance to talk.  So we chatted in the kitchen.  She brought me up to speed on all the relatives.  Etc. Etc.  

The whole time she was talking I just kept saying to myself over and over.  My god.  She has gotten so old.  When did this happen.  And the longer I thought this the more upset I became.  I did a good job of keeping it to myself, but it was upsetting me just the same.  When did my mother become this senior citizen.  When did she become this old woman?

We talked for way too long.  Finally Adam excused himself and told us he needed to go to bed.  My mom and I talked for about ten more minutes or so and then I joined Adam in the bedroom.  I didn’t even ask if it was okay with her.  We had always planned to sleep together.  If it had not been okay with my mom we’d have spent the weekend at a hotel.  But it was fine.  She said nothing.

Adam and I got settled into bed and I lost it.  

Over the past couple of years and especially in the last year I’ve felt guilty that I’m not in Kentucky to help my mom.  She lives by herself in a house that was too big when she and my father bought it.  I sometimes wonder how she does it.  Pretty much all she does is work (she still has a full time job) and sit at home.  It’s hard for her to get around so keeping the house clean is a bit of a chore for her.  And although she loves the plants in the yard it’s very hard to keep it up.  And so I talk to her and I know how hard it is and I hate that I’m not there to help.  I would be less bothered by this if my brother was a help at all.  But for the most part as far as helping my mom is concerned he’s a loser.  Of course I’m not much better living 12 hours away.

So I climbed into bed and the guilt of not being at home to help and the guilt of not coming home more often and the guilt of not getting home earlier and the reality that my mother is no longer getting old she is old, ripped me apart.  The minute the light was off I began to cry.  And cry.  And cry.  After a while I wasn’t even sure why I was crying.  I’m not sure Adam knew quite what to do with me.  If he didn’t he didn’t let on.  He just held me and let me get it out of my system.  He also told me that it was mostly being exhausted from the drive and that it would all look differently in the morning,  And as he said all of this I cried and cried and cried.  Finally I turned over and just let him hold me as I fell asleep.

We woke up early the next morning.  We had a BIG day in front of us.  

I went out first to say good morning to my mom.  And Adam was right it did look different in the morning.  In better light, and some sleep and my mom showered and ready to go, She looked just like she was supposed to.  She was still old but she looked okay.  I felt better.

Now I had to face the rest of the relatives.


Dining Out 101

New dining out tips.

1.  If it’s not on the menu you can’t have it.  Just because you want it doesn’t mean we are going to make it for you.  We are not the White House.  We do not have an executive chef on duty just to provide you with what you want.

No we do not have calamari.  Hot Dogs.  Crabcakes.  Shrimp Cocktail.  Soup.  Pasta with meat sauce.  Pasta with alfredo sauce.  Pasta with any sauce.  The only thing close to pasta that we have is macaroni and cheese.  And we especially can’t toss a little pasta in olive oil and garlic.

What I do suggest is that you look at the menu.  It’s fine to ask questions.  But don’t start asking if you can have things before you’ve even opened the menu.

2.  It’s not my job to make nutritional decisions for you.  Tonight I asked a table if they were ready to order.  It was two sort of frumpy men.  They said sure.  Five minutes later I’m no closer to getting an order from them than I ever was.  (Just for the record, five minutes in waiter time is about an hour in regular time).  They were debating with each other and now me about what was healthier on the menu.  The first question to me:  What’s the healthiest thing on the menu?  I don’t know.  I don’t care.  Well are the fajitas more healthy than the salad?   Which is better for me.  I don’t know.  I don’t care.  I’ll be happy to answer questions about nutritional information.  But let’s get some things clear.  We are not a health food restaurant.  99.9% of our selections are fried.  Even the salads are fried.  There is NOTHING healthy on our menu.  Even the broccoli that is served as a side is covered in butter.  As for what is better for you.  Only you can answer that question.  I don’t know your health issues.  I don’t know your concerns.  What I do know is that I’m still trying to figure out why you ordered the fajitas and then told me you didn’t want the lettuce which in truth is the ONLY thing healthy on the plate?  Oh, if you are really trying to be healthy and lose weight the four glasses of lemonade you had probably aren’t going to help much.

3.  If the waiter is nice to you.  And goes out of their way to help you out.  And I’m not talking about keeping your glasses full or bringing you out hot food.  I mean completely goes out of their way to do something nice for you.  Then first, be polite and appreciative.  And second, tip a little extra.  Tonight there were four people wandering around the bar trying to find seats.  I asked one of them if they’d like to sit at my counter.  She explained that there were four of them and they wouldn’t fit.  I told her to give me a minute.  I asked two of my customers if they’d move down, made room for them and got them seated.  As I was doing this another table was asking for their check.  I dropped it off, and collected the money.  As soon as they left I went back to my four people and asked if they’d perhaps like to sit at a table instead of the counter.  They said yes, so I led them to the table.  This was the last time they were nice to me.  They were rude.  And demanding.  And then tipped a grand total of 10% on their way out the door.  Which just perhaps teaches me that I should rethink being nice to people.

4.  Never tell a waiter you have a coupon, get a AAA discount or a military discount before you start you meal.  This is especially true if you have one of our restaurants frequent diner cards.  If you say this to me, I’m probably very likely never to come back to the table.  99.9999999999999 percent of the time anyone who requests a discount is going to leave less than 10%.  Tonight the very nice lady who asked for the check.  And then waited till I dropped it to tell me she was a AAA member left me a grand total of 4.00 on a 60.00 check.  She was nice enough to round up to an even number.  The man with the frequent diner card left 5.00 on 40.00.  If you get a discount.  That doesn’t excuse you from tipping.

5.  You can’t sit at a waiter’s table and then get your drinks from the bar.  First off I don’t understand why you’d want to do this in the first place.  If you are not tipping the bartender you can just as easily not tip me.  What’s even worse is people who want to sit at cocktail tables and wait for the host to call their name.   But not order anything.  At least once a night I have to explain that they can sit at the table and order drinks or dinner or both but they can’t just sit there and take up space.  I was once asked where they were supposed to sit instead.  I think I pissed them off when I told them that’s what the lobby is for.

6.  Don’t try and get around paying for two drinks by ordering one and sharing it and then expecting to get the free refills.  It just makes you look cheap.  And you are not fooling anyone.  And if you do ask for the refill I’m going to charge you for it.

7.  You are 45.  No you can’t order from the kids menu.  It’s for kids.  And if by chance I’m nice to you and let you order from the kids menu, NO you don’t get the free soda.  It’s for kids.

8.  Don’t ask me why it’s been fifteen minutes and your well done T-Bone isn’t ready.  It takes at least 20 minutes and that’s if it was put on the grill immediately.  And it wasn’t.  We don’t have ten steaks on the grill just waiting for you to order so that it will only take two minutes to get it to you.  This is not fast food.  If you want fast food, McDonald’s is on 42nd Street.  Can you pick me up a Big Mac Snack Attack while you are there?

9.  Don’t touch me.  Don’t touch me.  Don’t touch me.  Do not grab me as I walk by to ask for something.  I told you my name.  Use it.  When I give you my name I tell you it’s okay to yell for me.  Just shout out Maddog and I’ll stop to see what you want.  DO NOT GRAB ME.

Do not snap at me.  I told you my name.  Use it.   As I was told by manager recently.  The response to someone snapping at you is:  IT TAKES MORE THAN TWO FINGERS TO MAKE ME COME.

10.  If you don’t like the table.  Say so BEFORE you order.  It’s one gigantic pain in the ass to move you mid-meal.  Your food won’t be taken to the right table.  It interrupts both servers routines.  It’s fine to ask for a different table.  It’s fine to not like where you are seated.  But say so up front.

Bonus:  No you can NOT sit just any where.  Sorry.  Do you really think we let people just seat themselves.  I understand when foreign tables do this.  But Americans.  Really.  Even at Denny’s a host seats you.  Can you even begin to imagine what kind of chaos would run rampant if we just let people seat themselves.  We are on a fucking three hour wait.  Why do you think we’d let you walk by two host’s desk and seat yourself.  Get out there and put your fucking name on the list.

A Kick in the Teeth!

Saturday night was a late night.  We had a push right at the end of the night.  It’s was almost 2:45 a.m. before I got to the station to head home.  Luckily the train didn’t take 30 minutes to arrive as it did on Friday night.  It does however take about 45 minutes to get home once I am on the train.  So it was well on it’s way to 4:00 when I got off the train.  I was half asleep when I got off and struggled to the top of the stairs and slugged my way to the gate.

Without even looking I humped my bag up on my shoulders and started through the turnstile.

Subway turnstile

These particular turnstiles are designed to let a person exit at will but not allow someone to enter unless they swipe in.  I’ve pushed through them a million times without any worry.  Which was the mistake on Saturday night.  You push through and then the turnstile kicks back a little to lock into place.  On Saturday night it did just that.  Catching me squarely in the mouth.  I grunted a “Fuck.  That hurt.  I could have chipped a tooth.”  As I started up the stairs out of the station I stopped and said, FUCK!!@!#%!  I CHIPPED A TOOTH.  FUCK.  FUCK.  FUCK.

Yeah.  Fuck.  It didn’t hurt so I knew that there was not any nerve damage to speak of.  It was just rough and sharp and kept poking my tongue.  When I got home I confirmed that indeed it was chipped.   I’d chipped about a 16th of an inch off one of my top front teeth.  I woke up Adam to show him.  He’s a hard one to wake up in the middle of the night but the minute he realized something was wrong he was wide awake.  We chatted for a while and in his “I’m a good boyfriend way” told me it would all be okay.  

I went to bed.

All day on Sunday it annoyed me.  I kept scraping my tongue across it.  And since it was weird I couldn’t stop myself from doing it.  I also felt like a leper because it was chipped.  I come from a long family of people without teeth and I suddenly felt like one of the brood.  Of course in reality 99% of the people out there wouldn’t even notice this little chip, but that was beside the point.  And it kept annoying me.  Last night was even worse.  Kissing Adam became a problem because I kept scraping the inside of my lip across my tooth which hurt.  It made just about anything else too scary to even try.

First thing this morning I got up to find a dentist.  I’ve had dental insurance for a year but have not bothered to use it.  I know.  I know.  My teeth should have been cleaned twice by now.  But I keep putting it off.  So I searched through the insurance website and randomly picked someone.  I went with someone whose name started with an F because I needed some criteria.  They were able to see me today.  And so I was off to get my snaggletooth repaired.

It was a pretty easy thing to do.  First they x-rayed it to make sure there was nothing seriously wrong.  There was not.  Although the dentist did say that will all injuries like this it could kill the tooth and that in two or three months or two or three years the tooth would start to discolor and they’d have to fix that then.  They didn’t even numb it.  She took the sander out and roughed it up some.  And then put bonding on.  Then she filed that down.  She even made it have the same sort of imperfections the other front tooth has.  And in a jif I was done.  

While I was there they went ahead and did a full set of x-rays.  I’m going back next week for a cleaning.  I also have a cavity.  Unfortunately it is beneath a 20 year old filling so she can’t really tell from the x-ray how bad it is.  So when I go back next week they’ll remove the old filling and get rid of the decay and determine how bad it is.  If it’s not too bad they’ll replace the filling and I’ll be done.  If it’s bad then I’ll have to have a root canal.  Which hurts my head, my mouth and my pocket book.  

All this from one late night at work.


This was the before photo the dentist took today before she fixed my tooth.


She worked miracles.

Anti-gay testimony at DC elections board marriage hearing

This guy does more damage to his own cause when he speaks then he’ll ever do to ours. His logic doesn’t make sense and he REACHES to try to tie it all together. All of this bullshit and he doesn’t even live in DC and shouldn’t have been given the floor at all.  Scary.  VERY scary.

Woman Says Waitress Shot Her In Dispute Over Food

Clarendon County, SC –

A Clarendon County waitress is accused of shooting a customer at the restaurant after the two had a dispute.   Yakeisha Ward, 29, is charged with assault and battery with intent to kill. 

An early morning run for breakfast at the Waffle House on Paxville Highway in Manning turned terribly wrong for Crystal Samuel. 

“I thought I was gonna get me an All-Star,” says Samuel. A popular meal on the menu. “Grits, sausage, toast, eggs and a waffle,” says Samuel. 

She didn’t get what she came for. Instead, she says while she waited for her order, her friends started eating. That’s when Samuel says she was told they couldn’t eat from carryout trays inside the restaurant. 

“I said what is your fuss about. I said we haven’t paid for our food. She (Ward) said well you all got to leave. How you want us to leave and we ain’t paid for the food yet,” says Samuel. 

That’s when it got ugly. Samuel says she threw a waffle at the waitress. “I did actually throw some food but it didn’t hit her,” says Samuel. “That’s when she (Ward) jumped across the counter and we got into it,” says Samuel. 

Clarendon County Sheriff Randy Garrett says the altercation continued outside where he says Ward got a gun from her car and a gun magazine from her trunk. 

“It’s poor judgment on her part trying to settle this matter with a weapon. Either way she had time to think about what she was doing when she was walking to her car,” says Garrett. 

Investigators say Ward’s gun discharged during the altercation. They say a bullet fragment struck Samuel in the arm. 

“Deputies were close by when they rolled up in the parking lot the victim and the suspect were still engaged in a fight,” says Garrett. 

Before it ended, authorities say Ward struck the victim in the head with the gun. 

“She got the last lick,”says Samuel. Meanwhile Ward has bonded out of jail. On Tuesday afternoon, News 19 found her inside the Waffle House where the incident happened. 

She declined to talk to us on camera but says she got out of jail after paying $500. As for Samuel, she has only one thing to say about Waffle House. “Bad customer service,” says Samuel. 

Investigators say it appears that Ward’s gun was legally purchased.


I don’t condone what this woman did.  But if you’ve ever waited tables it’s not hard to imagine this happening.  I’m surprised in fact that it doesn’t happen more than it does.  In the time I’ve been waiting table since just after college I’ve seen a manger slapped, punched, and one was hit in the head with a ketchup bottle.  I’ve heard customers call restaurant employees stupid, fat, ignorant, faggots and niggers.  I’ve seen people refuse to pay for dinner because there weren’t enough French Fries on the plate.  I’ve seen parties of ten refuse to pay the added gratuity because they don’t agree with the idea of tipping.  I’ve seen customers throw food.  There was the customer who swept an entire rack of wine glasses onto the floor because he was cut off.  I’ve seen drinks thrown in server’s faces.  I once heard a customer tell a girl that he didn’t want her to wait on him because she wasn’t pretty enough.  He over turned three tables after the manager kicked him out.  

Unfortunately I’m not exaggerating on any of these. All of these things have happened in restaurants that I’ve worked in.  Yes they are worst case scenarios but everyday it’s something.  Sometimes I’m surprised that anyone is willing to do this.  It’s certainly not for the faint of heart.  Yes, we make money but as someone responded on Facebook where I pulled saw this article, I’d pay 500 bucks to shoot some of the people I dealt with tonight.  Think about that the next time you ask for an ice tea refill before your glass is empty.

Of course if you’ve ever eaten at a Waffle House you know that to even enter the place is taking your life into your own hands.



June is Busting Out All Over!!

I first met Kelly two years ago when I found this photo on someone else’s blog.  It’s a great photo and really captures the essence of gay pride, I think.  Kelly’s challenge is to get as many people as possible to post this photo to celebrate gay pride month.  So feel free to cut and paste it into your blogs.  Just give him some credit and let him know you posted it.  He’ll add  you to his list.  Rambling Along.

Happy Pride Month.


Maddog’s in a Bad Mood!!!

I’m hating life tonight.

A lot.

It’s not like anything has changed.  At least not since yesterday.  But I’m in one hell of a bad mood.  I would just like to kick in someone’s head and then beat them senseless.  Any suggestions as to who might be a good target.

Before I start bitching.  Things with Adam are great.  It’s the one thing that seems to be going right today.

Work sucks.  A lot.  I’m hating waiting tables more and more everyday.  A lot.  Nothing’s really changed.  Except my attitude.  All the way home tonight I just kept saying to myself, “Just let it go.  Just let it go.”  But it’s easier said than done.  The big problem tonight.  James, the new manager.  He’s very new.  He was just transfered here from Europe and I have no idea what his thought process is.  I do know he cost me about a hundred bucks because of his lousy decision making.  I don’t know whether I should try to talk to someone about it, or just let it go.  All the way home I kept saying, “Let it go.  Just let it go.”

I’m also annoyed by a lot of the people that I work with.  A lot.  Most of them are just stupid.  And a lot of them are stupid and just bad servers.  Because I was in such a bad mood, and hating my life tonight, I found someone who was willing to stay for me after she was cut.  When I told the manager this, he said NO.  Said she wasn’t a good enough server.  Which is probably true.  But considering that with his brilliant strategy I only had three tables if she can’t handle it then perhaps he should fire her.  Because it’s really not that hard.

That’s just work.

I was in a bad enough mood and then came home and found some of the most stupid comments on Facebook you could imagine.  I’m a liberal.  I make no secret of that.  Most of my friends are liberal.  Funny how that happens.  I have a lot of “friends” on Facebook from different times in my life.  A couple are from when I lived in Kentucky and their political views are more to the right than mine are to the left.  I’m open to at least listening to the other side.  But can we be for real here.  Sarah Palin should not run for President in 2012.  She shouldn’t have run for vice-president in 2008.  It didn’t work then and I’m pretty sure that if that’s all the Republican’s have for the 2012 election then they don’t have much hope.  

And I’d also like someone to tell me what they think would happen if Obama didn’t bail out the Insurance/Bank/Auto Industry?  I’m no economist but letting these companies sink seems like a bad idea.  Even with the bailouts the car companies are laying off hundreds if not thousands of employees.  Car dealerships are being shuttered.  When the GM dealership in your community is closed any idea how many people are directly affected?  Indirectly affected?  Sometimes I just wish that we could give them what they want.  Let the banks close.  Let the insurance companies fold.  Fuck the auto industry.  Let’s just see how much worse things would be.  Surely that cushy job you have won’t be affected.  And yet I can’t think of one person who wouldn’t eventually feel the blow.  These industries are huge.  It’s not Uncle Joe’s Bar and Grill that’s closing.  These companies are fucking huge and employee thousands of people.  Even if you didn’t feel it immediately you’d feel it eventually.  And I think a lot of people would be surprised how much it would affect their daily lives.  When people lose their jobs.  They stop spending because they don’t have money.  They stop borrowing money because no one will loan them money.  Often they stop paying what they do owe because they no longer have money to pay their bills.  So think about how this will trickle down to you.  With the situation of the economy as is, almost every one I know has seen layoffs in their companies.  Or if there are no layoffs, as people leave, their work loads are being picked up by the remaining staff because they are not allowed to re-hire. My friend Tom just got hired to teach at a new school.  The school he is leaving is not replacing him.  They are just canceling his classes.  Let these three industries completely implode and lets watch the fallout.  

I’m not even trying to convince you that Obama is the end all, be all of Presidents.  But I do know that he’s only been in office 4.5 months.  It’s not like everything was a bed of roses when he got here and he’s fucked it all up.  Let’s face it… things sucked.  And they still suck.  And it won’t surprise me if they won’t still suck a year from now.  Instead of bitching about Obama spending all our money and selling us out, think about how fucking long you’ll be employeed if he doesn’t do something. 

PS…Canadian Lesbians are worse tippers than regular Canadians.  And I didn’t think that was possible.

Two Year Anniversary.

Its 12:05 a.m. on Monday night.  June 8th, 2009.

In a little less than five hours it will be the official two year anniversary of my starting this blog.

It’s funny how much faster time moves as you get older.  As a kid a year took twice as long.  As a 44 year old man, a year passes in about six months.  It scares me to think how fast they are going to move in another ten years.

A lot has happened since. Not much has happened since. A lot has happened since. Not much has happened since.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that a lot has happened.  It’s just not what I thought would happen.

I’m not  a famous Broadway lighting designer.  I’m barely a designer at all.

I am working at a restaurant in Times Square, although it’s not Friday’s.

I am still living in New York although there are too many times to count that I wonder why I moved here at all.

I don’t really have any professional prospects.

That’s the bad news.

The good news.

I’m in love.  For the first time in a long time.  Perhaps for the first time ever.  I’m in the early stages of a romance that seems to have the foundation to last a long time.  I look forward to spending time with Adam.  I don’t tire of him when we are together.  And I miss him as soon as he leaves.  It’s a wonderful feeling.

I hadn’t planned this post to be a sad one.  I don’t actually mean for it to be.  Does life ever go the way you have it planned?  If it did, I don’t think it would be called “Life.”  There are a lot of wonderful things that have happened to me since I wrote that first post.  And truth be told, not too much bad.  I have a job.  I’m healthy.  (Let’s not talk about that ankle).  My family and friends are all healthy.  I’ve met some wonderful people that I count as part of my core group of friends.  My bills are paid…well except for a couple of big ones that I’m choosing to ignore for the moment.  Adam is in my life.  Life is good.

I’ve also met some wonderful people online as well.  Mr. Ur-Spo and Mr. Dan were two of my first ever commenters.  They left me comments at the end of June.  On the same day actually.  They’ve been regular readers ever since.  I’ve kept up with their lives as well.  There are ten or so blogs that I read every day now.  I feel like I miss my “stories” when I don’t read them.  In many ways I feel like I’ve known these people forever.

Who’s to say where I’ll be in two more years.  Or five.  Or ten.  Or twenty.  Or fifty.  I’m not even sure I’d like to know if given the opportunity.  I’ve always been one who likes the surprise.  I’ve told many people this over the years, Adam most recently.  If you bought my birthday present and put it in a bag on the floor in the corner and told me not to look because I’d ruin the surprise,  I’d never look.  Not till I was told to.  Perhaps this is left over from being the kid who knew his parents couldn’t give him the gifts he wanted  The anticipation of the gift is far better than the actual gift.

So continue to stop by.  I’m trying to do a better job of posting every day.  I miss it when I don’t.  It’s a great way for me to document my life.  Hopefully someday, someone will send a relative or loved one the link and say “Read this.  It’ll tell you about Jeff.  It’s his story.  Told in his words.”

I just realized that someone should have cued the funeral music about three paragraphs ago.  Sorry about that.  It’s all good.  I’ll keep bitching.  And complaining.  And bragging.  And sharing.  That’s what I do.

Thanks for coming along for the journey.


Maddog’s Late Night…

Adam and I had a bit of a late night last night.  This was a bit of a surprise because I was supposed to work last night.

At 2:45 Saturday afternoon, I’d just gotten out of the shower and was toweling off when my phone rang.  I checked the phone and it was a 212 number that was not listed in my phone.  Normally I don’t answer if I don’t know the number but the 212 threw me off.  It’s a NYC area code, but only people who got their cell phones when they first became available have a 212 area code.  I thought all of this as I was deciding to answer the call or not.  Curiosity got the better of me and I answered.  It was a co-worker, Thomas, calling to beg me for my shift.  He was calling from the restaurant.   Seems two weeks from now he has to attend his brother’s wedding and he still needed to buy a suit, a gift, plus take the time off work to attend.  At first I said no.  All the while thinking how great it would be to not have to work on Saturday night and to be able to spend the evening with Adam.  Thomas begged.  I said no.  Thomas begged.  I said no.  Finally I said that I needed to think about it and to call back in two minutes.  I hung up and turned to get an opinion from Adam.  He was no help.  He was making it clear that he’d love for me to have the night off, but that he didn’t want me mad at him when I realized the money I’d given up on Saturday night.  

As you can guess, when Thomas called back I said what the fuck and gave him the shift.

Now I had a Saturday night free to spend with my boyfriend.  

What to do?  What to do?

We left the apartment not really knowing for sure what we were going to do.  

We ended up at our now favorite Mexican restaurant on the Lower East Side.  They have killer margaritas and the food is awesome.  It’s not too expensive and it’s kind of a dive.  We have quickly become regulars there.  So we settled in had two margaritas each and dinner.  Over dinner we chatted more about our moving options.  We are completely confused about what we should do.  Should we stay in town?  Should we move to Alaska?  What would we each do for a living if we move.  And through all of this conversation we planned our lives together.  It was very romantic.

After dinner we were on a mission to play pool.  We both love pool although neither of us is very good.  We’ve been hanging out at Stonewall a lot because it’s not too crowded, the pool is cheap and we can make out between shots.  So that was our next stop.  The bar was more crowded than usual, but not too bad when we got there.  By the time we finished our drinks and game it was far too crowded to play pool.  So we were off again.

It was around this time that we decided to just go from bar to bar and see what was up.

And thus began our bar crawl.

From Stonewall we went to Ty’s.  A casual Levi’s bar with mostly bears in attendance.  We grabbed a beer there and then we were off to The Dugout.  Which has recently become Ramrod.  It was a bust.  The music sucked.  No one was there.  So we just used the bathroom and were on our way again.  Next stop.  The Cubby Hole.  A little lesbian bar in The Village.  It was crowded with a mixed crowd and we stayed for a drink there.  After that we headed to Rawhide, which is a dark, very dark hole in the wall. We did not play pool there but we did get to watch the slightly ackward mostly naked dancer.  At one point he walked up and gave us what he called “the eye.”  As I said, slightly ackward.  From Rawhide we crossed the street to Gym.  By this point it seemed that everyone was home.  No one was about.  Which was strange for such a beautiful night in the city.  At Gym we discovered no one was there and there was a pool table in the back.  We quickly racked the balls and started our game.  Literally two minutes into the game some drunk guy plops down next to the table and announced that he wanted to play the winner.  UGH.  Now we actually had to play seriously and not  just clown around taking our time.   We finished the game and made our apologies that it was time to call it a night.  Mostly we didn’t want to play pool with someone else.  Now it was up the street to The View.  We’ve been there many times.  As I told Adam last night, it’s a perfect place to wait for someone when you have plans, because it’s never busy.  So not busy that neither of us can figure out how they stay in business.  They also have the most expensive pool, at 2 bucks a game.  We played one game had a last drink and realized it was almost 3:30.

By this time we’d been out for almost six hours, and besides being a little drunk we were starving.  We went to the diner next door scarfed down two cheeseburgers and joked about how drunk we were.  By now it’s almost 4:30 and time to start uptown.  I walked out to the street and for about 2 seconds considered taking the train.  At 4:30 in the morning it could have taken more than an hour to get home.  So I said what the fuck, hailed a cab and we were home in about 20 minutes.

It’s Sunday night now.  I’m tired.  My head is still a little woozy.  I’m far too old to have nights like last night.  I’m so woozy that I have no idea if what I’ve just written even makes sense.  I do know that we had a good time.  I love spending time with Adam.  He’s the best.

Moving on up…

My boyfriend just told me I had fifteen minutes to post.  And then he wants me in bed next to him.

All this pressure makes it hard to think of something smart and witty.  But of course if I had two hours to write something it wouldn’t be smart and witty.  So perhaps it’s better I only have a few minutes.

As we move along in this relationship, which is still rather new, we’ve started to talk about long range plans.  Where we’d like to see our individual selfs a year from now, five years from now.  And now the thoughts are where we’d like to see “us” a year from now.  Five years from now.  Neither of us has a definite vision of what should be happening.  Neither of us is a long range planner sort of guy.  In case you haven’t been able to tell, I kind of fly by the seat of my pants.  If someone called tomorrow and said, “Hey wanna move to Anchorage, Alaska?”  I’d probably ask when they were leaving, sell off my retirement (if I had any left after moving back to NYC) and be on my way.  I’ve never been one for letting practicality stand in my way.  Adam is a little bit safer.  He doesn’t like change.  He’s lived in the same apartment building since the day he moved to NYC.  It’s almost 13 years later and he’s still there.  He’s been in the same job for four years.  His been in the same business for a lot longer than that.  Where I like to move around and fly by the seat of my pants, Adam sits still and flies by the seat of his pants.

Now we are having to marry this idea.  Tonight we had a long talk about when we should move in together.  Where we should live?  Still in Washington Heights/Inwood?  Downtown?  Brooklyn?  Queens?  We were in the middle of this discussion when I mentioned that I thought we needed to broaden our vision.  I asked if he’d be willing to leave New York all together and relocate somewhere else.  We talked about this for quite a long time.  He has far more reservations.  He graduated from college, moved to NYC and has been here ever since.  He thinks it’s a big deal to pick up your life and move.  Me not so much.  Since I graduated from college I have lived in Kansas, Kentucky, Georgia, Kentucky, Ohio, Kentucky, Alabama, Kentucky, Ohio, New York, California, New York.  Adam has lived in one apartment for 13 years.  I’ve lived in seven.  I’ve never been one to think twice about moving.  My move to California was the most thought out and planned for.  All the others were whims that just seemed right at the time.

I think I was scaring him.  I think he thought I meant we should do this next month.  In fact I don’t even know if leaving NYC is the right thing to do.  I just know that it’s time for change.  I’m about done with waiting tables.  My body won’t be able to sustain it much longer.  I have my mother’s genes and they are not good ones.  I also know that I’ll never be lighting shows as much as I want, as long as I’m in New York.  It’s not my life and I don’t have the motivation to do it.  I work much better being a big fish in a little pond than a little fish in a big pond.  I’ve tried both and I know what I prefer.

I finally convinced him that I didn’t mean next month.  Or the next month or the next month.  I just suggested that as the relationship progresses we might think about relocating some place that’s easier to live.  That will allow us both to pursue the lives we’ve always seen for each other as well as the life we see for us.  None of this scares me.  I haven’t been this sure about a boy ever.  As long as he doesn’t wizen up to the trap that I’ve set for him, I might be able to continue being his boyfriend.

The one thing we both agreed on was that we need to be in a larger metropolitan area.  He wants produce he needs for cooking to be fresh and available.  As he said you can’t buy parley in just any grocery store.  Neither of us wants a conservative environment.  It should have a good size arts community, especially theatre, so that I can work.  And that’s about all we need so far.  He doesn’t like hot.  I don’t like cold.  I think one of us may have to bite the bullet there.

My question to you guys?  Where should a middle aged gay man and his much younger boyfriend move to start their new lives together?  Down the street?  Or Anchorage, Alaska?

This took slightly more than fifteen minutes.