Negotiating a Roommate.

Adam and I have kissed and made up.  It was kind of a silly fight, although I should think of another word just so he doesn’t think I’m calling him silly.  We had dinner tonight and I told him that it’s nice to fight sometimes.  I was in a relationship with David for two years and we never fought.  I truly believe it was because there was no passion.  It’s hard to muster up the energy to fight when you don’t really care.  Adam and I are both very passionate people.  In general.  In our relationship.  It’s one of the things that I think draws us together.

Sorry I didn’t blog last night.  In Adam’s apartment, all of our laptops sit on his dining room table.  Adam, me and the evil roommate more or less sit next to each other.  Last night when I sat down to blog she decided that was a good time to get some work done on her computer.  I was afraid she’d see my blog and then read the fun posts I’ve had about her.  That would not be nice.  So I shut down and went to bed.  That was more fun anyway.

It’s been funny to watch Adam negotiate someone else living in his apartment.  A someone that is not me.  He hasn’t had a roommate in about a zillion years.  His roommate/ex-partner passed away about four years ago  and he’s lived by himself ever since.  He doesn’t really know how it’s done.  I’ve lived with someone almost nonstop for the last nine years.  It’s really not that hard.

He wanted to know if he should tell her his way of doing things or should he wait and let it work itself out on it’s own.  I suggested being up front with her.  That way she knows what’s expected of her, and he doesn’t have to talk with her when he’s annoyed.  I don’t think he’s done that.  Pretty much the only rule that Chuck and I have in the apartment is that the dishes have to be done by the end of the day.  It’s pretty easy.  After that everything just seems to fall into place.

He wanted to know while we were at the grocery store if he had to offer her part of the dinner he was preparing for us last night.  I told him of course not.  She’s his roommate not his boyfriend.  If there is extra sure, offer away, but it’s not required.

I asked him if he’d thought about what was going to happen when he gets up one Saturday morning and a stranger is in the kitchen making coffee.  It’s impossible to express his reaction.  He got excited and said that he didn’t want strangers in his apartment using his things.  I explained to him that it was not 1927 and he couldn’t tell someone who was paying rent that she couldn’t have over night visitors.

The subletter is short.  Very short.  She can only reach two cabinets in the kitchen.  And one of them is NOT where he keeps his glassware.  She can only reach his “good” glasses.  He’s worried that she’ll break one.  I’ve suggested that he trade the good ones with the everyday ones so she can reach them.  He’s afraid if he does it now it will hurt her feelings.  They stay where they are.

She left her shoes right in front of the door last night.  I wanted to say something but he wouldn’t let me.

She drops her keys and purse on his butcher block counter that he uses to cook on.  He doesn’t want this stuff where he cooks.  (I didn’t know this till last night.  I guess he’s just been tolerating me doing the same thing).

I think he should use this as practice for when I move in.  We will both need to negotiate these things if we are to live together and not kill each other.  In the meantime, it would probably be nice if he told her how he felt.  Hanging on to this stuff is the reason you should never live with good friends.  By the end of it, neither of you is speaking to the other one.

Of course this doesn’t apply to me and Chuck.  Lidia has taken care of any disagreements we would have ever had.  More than three years later we love each other as much as we ever did.


3 thoughts on “Negotiating a Roommate.

  1. javabear June 23, 2009 / 03:39

    He is lucky to have you there to explain things, to help him with negotiations. And I agree, this is good practice for when you move in. That’s what you said! Are you going to move in with him after the subletter leaves? Has it been decided?

    Communication. Always a good idea. Communication without rage, even better.

  2. BearToast Joe June 23, 2009 / 19:33

    How will she know if no one tells her? Not even evil roommates can read minds.

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