My visit to Kentucky. Part 2

It’s no fun having a boyfriend who reads your blog.  He’s worse than you guys about wanting to know why I stopped telling a story.  Or when I’m going to finish up.  Etc. etc.

I promised him I’d tell the rest of the Kentucky story.

Here’s the next installment.

As you know I took Adam home to meet the family over Memorial Day weekend.  It was more fun than you can imagine.

As you also know, I explained to my mom about three weeks before this that Adam was my boyfriend.  It’s the first time we’d ever really talked about the gay thing.  I wondered how, once we were home she’d approach the subject.  She ignored it as much as she could which wasn’t often because I kept bringing it up.

We got to my mom’s house around 1:00 a.m.  or so.  It was late.  All the way from Cincinnati to Lexington I kept feeling guilty that we’d not gotten home sooner.  I knew my mom would be up waiting and I also knew that she was probably disappointed that I wasn’t there already.  She never says anything but I can hear it in her voice.  Or it could be I just feel guilty and project.  When I get a therapist I’ll explore this with them.  I called her as we got off the Interstate to let her know we were there.  She was waiting at the door when I pulled in.

We both got out of the car and walked up to the door.  I was nervous.  Very nervous.  I’ve taken lots of people home to meet my parents, but Adam is different.  I wanted them to like each other.  

I stepped through the door and was blown away.  It looked like my mother had aged about 20 years since I was home last summer.  I gave her a big hug and told her I was glad to be home.  I stepped back and then introduced to her to Adam.  She was very gracious and he was very sweet.  He still isn’t sure what to call her.  I told him to call her Catherine until they got to know each other and then to call her Cat like everyone else does.  He has suggested once they get to know each other he might call her Mama Cat.  I’m not sure how I feel about this.

We got our luggage into my room and we got settled into the kitchen.  Even though it was late my mother was not about to go to bed until we had had a chance to talk.  So we chatted in the kitchen.  She brought me up to speed on all the relatives.  Etc. Etc.  

The whole time she was talking I just kept saying to myself over and over.  My god.  She has gotten so old.  When did this happen.  And the longer I thought this the more upset I became.  I did a good job of keeping it to myself, but it was upsetting me just the same.  When did my mother become this senior citizen.  When did she become this old woman?

We talked for way too long.  Finally Adam excused himself and told us he needed to go to bed.  My mom and I talked for about ten more minutes or so and then I joined Adam in the bedroom.  I didn’t even ask if it was okay with her.  We had always planned to sleep together.  If it had not been okay with my mom we’d have spent the weekend at a hotel.  But it was fine.  She said nothing.

Adam and I got settled into bed and I lost it.  

Over the past couple of years and especially in the last year I’ve felt guilty that I’m not in Kentucky to help my mom.  She lives by herself in a house that was too big when she and my father bought it.  I sometimes wonder how she does it.  Pretty much all she does is work (she still has a full time job) and sit at home.  It’s hard for her to get around so keeping the house clean is a bit of a chore for her.  And although she loves the plants in the yard it’s very hard to keep it up.  And so I talk to her and I know how hard it is and I hate that I’m not there to help.  I would be less bothered by this if my brother was a help at all.  But for the most part as far as helping my mom is concerned he’s a loser.  Of course I’m not much better living 12 hours away.

So I climbed into bed and the guilt of not being at home to help and the guilt of not coming home more often and the guilt of not getting home earlier and the reality that my mother is no longer getting old she is old, ripped me apart.  The minute the light was off I began to cry.  And cry.  And cry.  After a while I wasn’t even sure why I was crying.  I’m not sure Adam knew quite what to do with me.  If he didn’t he didn’t let on.  He just held me and let me get it out of my system.  He also told me that it was mostly being exhausted from the drive and that it would all look differently in the morning,  And as he said all of this I cried and cried and cried.  Finally I turned over and just let him hold me as I fell asleep.

We woke up early the next morning.  We had a BIG day in front of us.  

I went out first to say good morning to my mom.  And Adam was right it did look different in the morning.  In better light, and some sleep and my mom showered and ready to go, She looked just like she was supposed to.  She was still old but she looked okay.  I felt better.

Now I had to face the rest of the relatives.

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4 thoughts on “My visit to Kentucky. Part 2

  1. javabear June 18, 2009 / 07:13

    I’m glad to see the next installment in the Kentucky visit.

    Oh, my dear, I sympathize. Adam is wonderful, holding you while you cry. He’s very wise, too. I’m uber impressed.

    I hear those unspoken judgments from my parents. I know them well enough to know what they would say if they weren’t trying to bite their tongues. Recently my in-laws were here, and Superman “heard” his father not saying how disappointed he is in how cluttered and trashy our house and yard look. Sometimes their silence is louder than anything they say.

    Now I’m very eager to hear the rest of the Kentucky story. Adam, keep encouraging him to continue.

  2. Sarah June 18, 2009 / 08:13

    Last year I had the rude awakening that my parents were old. It’s tough. I have decided that I will just tell them when I am going to do something to help. That way they don’t have to feel awkward asking and or awkward accepting help if I ask them if they need it. I just say, I’ll do it and I do it. And then my mom thanks me.

    Now, has Adam bothered you enough to finish this story this week?

  3. BearToast Joe June 18, 2009 / 15:53

    He’s a keeper. he is wise enough to know when you simply need to cry, and not someone to “fix” it. Good man.

    Do what you can, and focus on that, not on what you can’t.

  4. Urspo June 18, 2009 / 23:32

    If it were not for relatives, I would be out of a job.
    Having your boyfriend read your blog is a bit ticklish, but be grateful that he is interested in it/you.
    perhaps he can be a guest writer from time to time?

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