Maddog’s Coming Out.

I’m a pooped Maddog.  Work kicked my ass tonight.  In a good way.  Thank god the manager’s cut the floor early and kept the rest of us busy.  For all of it’s kicking my ass, I had a great night.  It was one of those nights where I think to myself, “I’m pretty good at this.”  It was also one of those nights where people just throw money at me.  I’ve never been able to figure out why one night is great and one night sucks, but I’ll take the great nights anytime they want to come my way.

Adam is asleep in his bedroom waiting for me to come to bed.  I told him as soon as I posted I’d be there.  Since it’s 3:45 he’s probably already asleep.

Have I mentioned that I’m taking Adam home to meet the in-laws?  Actually next weekend we are driving to Kentucky to see my mom.  I had originally planned to drive to Oklahoma and stop in Kentucky to see her.  After I bailed on Oklahoma, I didn’t have the heart to tell her I wasn’t coming.  The original plan was for Adam to drive to Oklahoma with me and then fly home.  Now we are driving to Kentucky next Friday and returning on Monday.  It’s going to be our first real road trip together.  I love road trips and he’s assured me that he does as well.  So far all of our traveling adventures have been great and I have no reason to expect this won’t be a perfect trip as well.

So he’s going to meet my mom.  

My mom is going to meet Adam.

I’ve told Adam that he’ll break up with me as we drive back across the George Washington Bridge coming in to the city.  He has no idea what my family is like.  No one ever does.  Often it helps to have Michelle around to explain because she’s been there done that and the shock is hard to imagine.  

First I’m not from a middle class family.  My mother would barely fall into middle class now.  After 30 years of hard work.  The rest of my family is just above poverty level, if they’ve risen that far.  Add to that, that they are conservative, closed minded bigots.  I’m sure we’ll here several off color jokes before we head back home.  Especially about “The Mexicans.”  They all smoke like chimneys and most of them don’t even come close to knowing what it means to keep a clean house.  I tend to sit on their sofas and try not to touch anything more than I have to.  There favorite words are fuck and shit.  And none of them are educated.  Out of twenty five cousins all my age, I’m one of five that graduated from high school.  I’m the only one to go to college.  

And yet they are my family and love them or hate them they are the only family I have.  To be honest with you, they love me to death.  I’ve never been able to figure out why.  They are all excited that I’m coming home and they all want to know what time I’ll be coming by their houses.  I sometimes think they like me because I got up and got out.

Adam gets to experience all of this.

AND there is the gay thing.  No one in my family will say a word about Adam being with me.  They’ll welcome him with open arms and like everyone else they’ll think he’s the next best thing to white bread.  I’ve never taken anyone home with me that my family didn’t adore.  At least they didn’t tell me if they didn’t.  Of course we also don’t talk about the gay thing.  I’ve only discussed it with a few people in my family.  I assume the rest of them know.  I’ve never hidden it.  I’ve never gay proofed my house.  My family has been to visit me when I’ve been living in a one bedroom apartment with my boyfriend.  We just don’t discuss it.  Of course, I don’t really discuss anything about my life with the.  How was work…good.  How’s the weather…good.  How’s New York…good.  When are you coming home…soon.  That’s the extent of my conversations with my family including my mom.

And my mom is the catch.  I’ve never told her that I was gay.  As I’ve said, I haven’t hidden it.  I just don’t talk about it.  And just like everyone else our conversations are superficial.  They are about work, the weather and the relatives.  Sometimes these chats go on for 30 minutes or so.  

This time is different.  My relationship with Adam feels very different.  And special.  And wonderful.  So I think it’s time to stop pretending and have the conversation.  What I find crazy is that I’m 44 years old and I’m nervous about it.  What’s she going to do, disown me?  Am I going to disappoint her?  At least I don’t beat my wife, drive my car head-on into a school bus while I was drunk, had my children taken away from me because I beat them, run off to Tennessee without telling anyone, not worked in three years, do drugs, drink so much that I don’t know who I am most of the time, have a restraining order out on my ex-wife because she’s threatened to kill me.  In the scope of my family being gay is quite easy.

So I just need to make myself a bourbon and coke.  Sit down on Sunday afternoon and explain to my mom who Adam is.  I want her to know how special he is to me.  And how important it is to me that he meet my family.  I also want to introduce him as my boyfriend.  Not just some random person that I brought home with me.  

So Sunday it is.  Wish me luck.   I’m sure I’m making it ten times worse than it’s going to be.


3 thoughts on “Maddog’s Coming Out.

  1. Peter May 16, 2009 / 07:51

    Wishing you good luck! She’s not losing a son, she get’s another one for free!

  2. javabear May 16, 2009 / 14:18

    Good luck! Oh, I hope it goes well. Does Adam realize that this will be the first time you’re actually saying those words to your mother? I hope he does, and that he’s cool with it. I really really really hope your mother is cool with it.

    And it sounds like Adam is so wonderful that no one could possibly object to him. You’re a lucky Maddog.

  3. John May 16, 2009 / 14:25

    I love Peter’s comment, and Java is just a tremendous person.

    I think we have similar families… only mines from Arkansas and it’s my Dad I haven’t told… one day I think I will. But I’m not pressing it. I’m kinda hoping there will be a day when they just realize how important Robert is to me and that we too are living in a 1-bedroom apt.

    Good luck… Hugs from Oregon!

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