Party Etiquette…

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I slept almost 30 hours on Sunday/Monday/Tuesday.

And I’m not exagerrating.

I got to bed around 5:00 a.m. on Monday morning.  I woke up around 5:00 p.m.  At that point I moved to the sofa.  My mom had called so I returned her call.  I think we spoke for about 15 minutes.  At which point I fell asleep and slept till 8:00 p.m.   At 8:00 p.m. I got up, ordered dinner and tried to watch TV.  Dinner arrived around 8:30 p.m. and I watched Keith Olberman while I ate.  Sometime around 9:15 I fell asleep on the couch again.  I got up around 10:00 dropped my plate in the sink and headed to bed.  I turned the light off around 10:30 p.m.  I fell asleep and slept till almost 3:00 a.m.  I got up at the point, got something to drink came back to bed and tossed and turned till about 4:30 a.m.  At which point I went back to sleep and slept till 1:00 p.m. today.

Somewhere around 30 hours.

I think I might have been tired.

I’ve felt kind of woozy all day.  I’m about 90% sure it’s because I slept so much.

I’ll let you know how tomorrow goes.

Work was good tonight.  We were pretty slow.  I outsold everyone else because I hustled from the time that I got there.  I did sort of get in trouble tonight.  I’m usually so busy that I don’t have time to close out checks once I receive payment.  I just let them sit open until I get a break which is usually the end of the night.  Unfortunately I had a problem with one of my checks tonight and Matt the power hungry manager, instead of helping, decided instead to tell me how my not closing checks is going against every rule that we have.  I just listened.  I wanted to ask where it says this.  I wanted to ask why the fuck it mattered.  I wanted to tell him to shove the open checks up his ass.  Instead I pretended to listen.  I was in the office and saw an email that he was writing saying that we needed further reprimand if we didn’t change our ways.  I’ll see if anyone says anything.

Ah the party.  It seems like Christmas is over now.  All that buildup and now it’s gone.  I keep trying to remind myself that we have another week + to go.  I’ll try to get excited again.

So…

etiquette

Party Etiquette.

1.  I appreciate your taking time out of your day to stop by.  I really do.  But the invitation clearly stated the “Open House” was over at 8:00 p.m.  It’s now 8:45 p.m.  You are the only ones left.  Either get your asses up and start cleaning or pack up the cookies I’ve given you and get the fuck out.  And by no means make me have to ask you to leave.  Neither of us wants that.

2.  Correct me if I’m wrong, but an Open House and a Party are not exactly the same thing.  Party:  Come and stay.  OH:  Come have two glasses of wine and get the fuck out.  Party:  Bring some booze, do shots in the bathroom and barf at the end of the night.  OH:  Eat come cookies and cheese ball, thank your guest and then get the fuck out.  Like I said, correct me if I’m wrong.

3.  An Open House is not an all you can eat buffet.  As the second guest to arrive it’s obvious that there is a lot of food because no one else has arrived to eat anything.  And I’m sure everyone’s happy that you like the homemade lasagna.  But three helpings is a bit much.  This is not a sit down dinner.  If you are that hungry then stop and get pizza before you arrive.  If you can’t afford pizza then you probably should have skipped bringing me that bottle of wine and bought some lunch.  One helping.  Period.

4.  Speaking of the bottle of wine you brought me.  Can we clarify.  Was the wine for me or for you.  You handed it to me when you arrived and said “Here, this is for you.”  After you helped your self to the first helping of lasagna you asked if I could get you a glass of white wine and that you’d prefer the wine that you brought.  So I guess I was mistaken about that gift that you gave me.  And I guess I’m mistaken that you thought this was a BYOB party.

5.  Speaking of BYOB parties.  I was kind of clear that it was not BYOB.  That’s why I spent almost 250 bucks buying wine and booze for the party.  So I was a little taken aback when you swept in with your two grocery bags of beverage items, that your proceeded to drop off in the kitchen and begin to make your own mimosas.  I was also a little insulted when you said my champagne wasn’t really as good as what you brought so you’d just use yours instead.

6.  After your poured that mimosa and moved to the living room…floor.  Perhaps you shouldn’t kneel over the coffee table as you stuff your mouth with cheeseball.  We have plates.  We have napkins.  We even have chairs.  And don’t think that I’m the only one that noticed. There were plenty of people at work who noticed how you were kneeling over the food shoveling it into your mouth.

7.  Don’t corner the host in the kitchen.  The host is just that.  The host.  He/She has guests to attend to.  A three or four minute conversation is great but I need to get out there and make sure no one is kneeling over the coffee table gourging on the cheese ball.  And I need to refill the lasagna becasue Theresa has just had her 12th serving.  So please just let me squeeze by so I can go check on everyone.

Number 7 is a problem on because there is a pass through to our kitchen that is barely big enough for one person and the kitchen itself is only big         enough for one person.  So don’t stand in the pass through making it impossible for the host to move out of the kitchen.

8.  Don’t bring flowers as a gift to a party.  It may seem like a nice thought but here’s the problem.  First I have to take them to the kitchen and Number 7 still has the path blocked.  Then I have to find a vase.  Then I have to cut the stems.  And then I have to arrange them.  And then I have to find a place for them.  Multiply this by the six bunches of flowers we received and you see how long I was in the kitchen dealing with flowers.  The first two bunches I actually cared for.  Bunches three – six I threw in a vase, put in a corner of the kitchen and through them out as soon as the party was over.  There was no place in our apartment to put them and after three or four hours in the heat they were pretty much dead.

9.  Don’t crawl under the Christmas tree of the hosts to shake their presents.  It’s rude.  Unless someone has said that one of the presents is for you, then your really shouldn’t be around the presents at all.   And you definitely should not be shaking them.

10.  Don’t talk religion or politics.  A Christmas Open House is no place for arguments, discussions or heated debates.  Perhaps if you looked around you might notice people leaving quietly one person at a time.  If you want to discuss politics, come over on Tuesday.  We can argue all you want then.  I’ll even let you have all the cheeseball and lasagna you want.  Just don’t talk politics at my party.

I’m not trying to be judgemental.  I just watched my friends behavior at my Open House and wondered what barn they’d been raised in.  It’s as if they’d never been allowed in public before.  Chuck’s friends seemed a little more refined.  But that might be because they weren’t 12.   There’s a part of me that wants to pull aside each of the guests from work and let them know how they should change their behavior.  How else will they ever learn.  The key is figuring out how to do this without pissing them off completely.

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7 thoughts on “Party Etiquette…

  1. Kelly Stern December 17, 2008 / 07:22

    Just let it go. You were smart to have an open house on a Sunday, because for the most part, people don’t linger and get tanked… but whenever I even host so much as a brunch on Sunday… I figure there will be one to many drinks had by one too many guests… I always expect the worst. Like New Year’s Eve and Halloween… it is amature nigth for party going… people who usually do not attend or or throw parties actually get invited to one or two and just don’t know how to properly act sometimes… and then they are seen by your other friends and guest and are not invited to the next party… just my thoughts! Happy Holidays!! (I am jealous of the sleep…I want some)

  2. Lemuel December 17, 2008 / 08:36

    I would not advise you to instruct your friends on party etiquette. Just note who they are and attempt not to invite them if you do another one.

    Rude guests are one of the primary risks of having an open house. At one open house that we hosted many years ago a neighbor brought his LP’s that he wanted to play during our open house. It was raucous C’mas music, not at all to my liking. I had chosen quiet music to play in the background that would not interfere with the conversations. This guy wanted to turn our house into Studio 54! (And, yes, he was gay.)

  3. javabear December 17, 2008 / 10:10

    Oy.

    All that sleep sounds wonderful! I hope your woozy is just from sleeping so long.

  4. Chris December 17, 2008 / 13:31

    Ten reasons that remind me why I hate people and only have my close friends in for parties.

  5. Sarah December 17, 2008 / 15:23

    You were lucky he didn’t waste your good champagne on a freaking mimosa. You don’t mix with the good stuff, d’uh.

    Yesterday, you seemed all happy with the event. Go back to those thoughts and don’t worry about the cheeseball gorger.

  6. urspo December 17, 2008 / 23:56

    what dreadful guests, to be so rude!
    a few of these matters made my eyes cross to hear such etiquette no nos

    the 30 hours sounds divine. I am envious.

  7. Rick December 18, 2008 / 06:27

    I’m glad I wasn’t invited.

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