Well it’s sort of a day late but what can I say.
I was in a mood last night. A bit depressed. A bit annoyed. A bit a lot of things.
I got to work last night and discovered that I got a sort of shit schedule again next week. Which annoyed me. Which made me not want to work. So I gave up my shift. Which freaked me out because I need the money. And so by the time I got home I was depressed, annoyed and worried.
I woke up today feeling like crap. My alarm went off at 11:00 a.m. and I finally got out of bed at 1:00 p.m. I was tired and depressed and if it hadn’t been for the phone ringing I might still be there. It didn’t help that my throat was raw and I had the mother of all headaches. Not a migraine. One of those fuckers that’s more about being sick than anything. The first thing I did when I got out of bed was down half a bottle of Advil. After a couple of cups of coffee, the headache started to subside, although my throat is still a little sore.
After the coffee started kicking in, I watched a little news. If I wasn’t depressed already the news didn’t help. The stuff in India, Thailand, the economy etc. it made me want to crawl back into bed.
So I turned off the TV and called me mom. She’d called just as I’d sat down with my first cup of coffee. I was dreading the call because I knew she was at my cousin Jessie’s house with the whole family. And the only thing worse than actually spending Thanksgiving with these people, is the passing of the phone, having to chat with all of them. And about two minutes into the call my mom passed the phone off. I try to be polite but I’m already depressed and talking to my family does not help. And then I get to Jessie. And for years when I first moved to NYC I would buy her the annual Macy’s Snow Globe. They are different each year and she loved them. Then money got tight and I stopped. And then I moved to San Diego. And so last year being back in the city I had one shipped to her. And she loved it. But now instead of just waiting to see if it’s going to happen, she asked for one. And it annoys me. These things are not cheap and with shipping it’s even more. And it’s much more fun to send them when they are not being expected than to feel like I have to because I’ve been asked. Ugh. It took about 20 minutes but I finally spoke to just about everyone in the room.
Finally I was off the phone. And I got to make the calls that were more important to me. I called my roommate Chuck. My friend Kelly. Ex-boyfriend Sam. Michelle. All to tell them how grateful I am that they are in my life. After the calls I felt much less depressed.
So then I got ready and left for work. And on the train I needed new music for my Ipod so I chose the album Grateful by John Bucchino. I looked for the first song on the CD on YouTube but the clips were stupid. John Bucchino is the composer and there are a number of relatively famous people who sing the songs. On YouTube they are listed as spiritual and religious but they aren’t at all. Spiritual is the last thing I would call them. The first song on the CD is called Grateful and it’s sung by Michael Feinstein. And it’s sappy and all that. But it made me realize that I have a lot more to be grateful for than I was giving myself credit for.
Including my job. In Fall of 2008 I should count my self lucky to even have a job. And my job is easy. And I make great money. And so I need to stop complaining. And whining and being depressed because of my schedule. And then I realized what was pissing me off about my schedule. It’s not that it’s crappy. I work the cocktails section. And there are three of those. One is great. One is good. And one is okay. I have been lucky that I’ve only been getting good and great shifts. Now I’m getting three of those and one okay shift. And the thing that sucks about that, is the money in the okay station isn’t guaranteed. And the nice thing about the schedule that I was getting is that I could safely give up a couple of those shifts and I didn’t even notice. Now I feel like I have to work them all or I won’t make enough money. Which isn’t true. But it’s how I feel.
But I need to get over it. The truth is I make a lot more than I was making a year ago. And unless our business tanks after the first of the year. I’ll be fine.
And I’ll end by saying this. I made 70 dollars more last year on Thanksgivng than I did today. Last year I worked a double. 16 hours. This year I worked 8. Hours. So if you do the math. I worked an extra 8 hours for 70 dollars. Things are much better this year. And I think it’s mostly my attitude.