The Sam stories have been bringing up all kinds of memories and feelings. Memories of my life 15 years ago. A time when I still felt I had my whole life in front of me. A time when I was indestructable and invincible. I felt as though I had direction, and knew what I wanted from life. The realizations that I was 100% a prick. I was selfish, and self-centered and thought little of anyone other than myself. My friend Lee works with me at the restaurant and recently told a group of people that I’d become nice as I grew older, that when he first met me I was a complete ass. It’s nice to know I’ve changed and I guess I should find some comfort in that, but I can’t help wonder how things might have turned out if I’d always been a nice guy.
But I found the picture of Sam giving me my first Christmas gift.
It’s took me three hours to find, and another 30 minutes to scan.
The first picture is of him sitting at my drafting table holding the gift and the second photo is me in my now famous green bathrobe opening the gift. These are only a couple of the photos I have of us during the beginning of our relationship. When we first started dating we spent 90% of our time hiding in my apartment, so there are no photos. Of course I’ve also never been good at pulling out the camera. I tend to carry it with me and then not take any photos. I think sometimes it’s because I don’t like being photographed. Maybe if there were only photos that showed me at my thinnest and prettiest I wouldn’t mind.
He’s cute isn’t he?
Notice the glimpse of flowers on the table? I’d bet a million bucks he brought them to me.
Notice the Diet Coke can? Very little has changed.