You’ve Got Mail!

I suck at returning emails.  Especially personal emails.  I have a strict rule that I have to answer business emails within 24 hours and I try to do it by end the day.  But those pesky personal emails drive me crazy.   It’s one thing if you just need information.  Something like, “What time is the wedding on Saturday.”  What drives me crazy are the emails that want to play catch up with me.  If you are really interested in knowing what I’ve been up to pick up the fucking phone and call me.  And yes, I know there are a lot of people out there who might not have my number.  Well of all the personal email catch-ups I’ve got sitting in my inbox I would guess 90% have my phone number.  And of the 10% that are left, they found me on Facebook and my number is part of my profile, so there you go you have access to my number.

And why is this important?

I got an email two weeks ago wanting to know when the Jeff’s were having dinner.  (there are three of us.)

I responded yesterday saying “How about Monday.  It’s my day off.  We could all meet for dinner before Jeff’s therapy.

The response I got this morning:  “Thanks.  I think I’ll pass on dinner.”

I was a little taken a back.  Knowing this person, god only knows what could be the problem.  He’s proven more than once to just sort of flake and to be hard to deal with.

So I sent him a response.  “So are you passing because you are busy or because you are mad at me.”

I should point out that none of this is on real email.  It’s all Facebook.  I’m glad I’m on it, but I wish that it wasn’t becoming the only way of communicating with people.

Tonight I found this response:  “Not mad, just sent that email over two weeks ago. Kind of disappointed at the lack/delayed response. It gives the impression you’re not interested. Jeff says it’s common, but it drives me crazy when I feel ignored.”

Is it just me, or is this more his problem than mine.  I could of course point out to him that our last conversation was a week after I broke my foot.  No calls or concern over how I was doing, if I was back in town, or what was up with me.  Nope just a random request for dinner.

I responded:  “I’d like to think that my lack of response speaks to how busy I am. I’ve worked like a mad man since I’ve gotten back because I managed to rack up an additional 6,000 dollars in debt borrowed from friends to get through four months without income. I owe you and about 50 other people emails. I get to them when I can.  If you are hurt I’m sorry. But I would like to think you are old enough to know that people don’t always respond on your time or react the way you want them to.  God knows I’ve had to accept that more times than I can count and a few significant times with you.  I’ll try to do better but I can’t commit to answering emails the day that I get them.   If you are still interested in doing dinner sometime, let me know.”

I wrote the email and tried to calm down.  I wanted to write and just tell him to fuck off.  I didn’t.

His response:  “No problem.  However, I have learned to get back in touch with people immediately. We are all busy. : )”

I still want to tell him to fuck off.

Yes we are all busy.  But can I just say it’s a little easier when you work a 9 to 5 job.  It doesn’t make like perfect but it sure as hell is better than 5 to 2.

My schedule:

The alarm goes off at 11:30.

I get up at noon.

I make coffee.

I drink a Diet Coke waiting for the coffee to brew.

I turn on the TV and watch fifteen minutes of NY1.  (It’s our local cable news show that’s just New York City news).  I watch till I see the headlines and the weather.

I get my first cup of coffee.

I come back to the couch and turn the TV to Headline news.

I watch TV and drink my coffee.

The next part differs depending on the night before.  I either switch to MSNBC to watch more news or I fall asleep on the couch.  Either way I’m there till about 2:00.

At 2:00 I get up and check my email, pay my bills, check my blog for comments, balance my checkbook, try to read and sometimes actually comment on the blogs that I like.

At 2:30 I get in the shower.

At 3:00 I leave for work.

On Sunday thru Thursday I leave work around 1:30 to head home.

I get home somewhere between 2:00 a.m. and 3:30 a.m.

I come in and drop my book bag in my room.

I check my mail.

I turn on my computer and look to see if there are any important emails like job offers or someone’s died.  I also check my comments again.  I check the news to make sure nothing else has blown up during the 9 hours I was at work.

I head to the kitchen and I make dinner.  (Lunch was at 4:00 at the restaurant.)  Once my dinner is ready I head to the living room to watch Jon Stewart if he was taped that night.  If not I turn the news on once again or sometimes I try to watch a show I’ve saved.  (This doesn’t usually happen because I don’t want to give more than 30 minutes to dinner and TV.)

I head back to my computer and try to be witty and funny and not to long winded as I write a post for my blog.

It’s now somewhere between 4:00 and 5:00.  I floss, brush my teeth and head to bed.

I read a couple of chapters from the book I’m reading.

I turn the light off sometime between 4:30 a.m. and 5:30 a.m. (It’s 5:00 a.m. as I write this).

I turn the light off.

I go to sleep.

The alarm goes off at 11:30.

I get up at noon.

If you were paying attention I’m at my computer during my two most tired moments of the day.  Right after I wake up and right before I go to bed.  I try to answer emails but they either require too much time, too much energy or I can’t even begin to figure out the answer.  So I put them off till tomorrow.  And tomorrow and tomorrow.

If you call me, I’ll pick up the phone while I’m watching the news having coffee and return your call or if you are on the west coast and it’s not too late I’ll call you before I go to bed.

Long story short.  I’m tired.  And if you really wanted to do dinner, then why didn’t you say, “Hey are you free Tuesday for dinner?”  And you fucking live in NYC.  Getting more than two people together to do anything takes a party planner, organizational skills, and the drive and determination like nobodies business.  My friend Christian moved to NYC in March.  I saw him for the first time this past week.  We are all busy.  We all live in different parts of the city.  We all work different hours.  And we all are interested in different things.

And to tell the truth.  I only want to have dinner with you because it involves having dinner with the other Jeff.  I actually like him.  I always have.  He’s never been flaky on me.  Or come to my house for cookout and gone home without eating while everyone else was in the backyard making hamburgers.  Without even saying goodbye.  Or come to a going away party for me, and leave without even saying goodbye.  Actually you never say goodbye to anyone.

I’m annoyed now.  And I’d really like to tell you to fuck yourself.  But it’s late and I’m tired and I might regret it in the morning.  And I’ve bitched about it on here, so maybe that will help some.

I’m going to bed.

And I might add that he sent his initial email and all the follow up emails during the day.  From work.

If I could sit at a desk and write emails all day I might be better at following up too.



3 thoughts on “You’ve Got Mail!

  1. Kelly September 27, 2008 / 06:34

    I completely understand what you are saying… I try and answer emails as I get them, but usually don’t… I am horrible about it… i also fee bad when I don’t reply to some of the ocmments left on my blog… oh well… be my facebook friend…

  2. javabear September 27, 2008 / 14:23

    How many Jeffs are there in NYC? Is it possible to tell him to fuck off, then find another nicer Jeff to join the Jeffs for the Jeff dinner? Eh. Hope you feel better now.

  3. urspo September 28, 2008 / 01:45

    Alas, email culture expects (demans?) quick turn around with reponses. It is not a good thing to expect so quick responses.
    I am on your side – if you need an immeidate urge met, please call.
    Alas again, most people expect email to have the same quick response.
    I try to tell friends and folks that I don’t answer email more than 2x a week. So if they really want a quick answe to call.

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