I’m back from Maine.
From the lesbian commitment ceremony.
From camping. In a field. Using a box with a toilet seat nailed to the top of it for my business.
From drinking beer from a keg.
From singing karaoke. Nobody does “I’ve Never Been to Me” like the Maddog.
From being the token gay man who had to make executive decisions on where the couple should get married. (It was an outside wedding).
From spending four days shopping with lesbians. Ever shop with lesbians it’s an adventure beyond all belief.
From spending four glorious days with my friend Michelle, and all of her wonderful friends.
I do have to admit that it was exhausting. I was picked up from the airport and was immediately whisked away to shop for things for the reception. Michelle and a couple of other people had taken on the job of organizing everything. Lesbians are great at organizing. So we were at Target where we bought candles, party cups, soda, aluminum foil, and cupcake thingys.
Then it was off to the party store for Tiki torches, better party cups, and a mullet wig. (Don’t ask).
Then it was off to another party store to look for even more fun things.
And then we went to the craft store to pick up votive holders. By this time, I’m exhausted and it’s only 10:00. I’ve been in Maine 30 minutes.
Then we drove north to the house where the wedding was being held and dumped all of our stuff and then it was off to do some more.
We finished around 6:30.
The next day started early and ended late. We had to be where the wedding was being held so that we could help figure out where the tent was going to go. The tent company was running late, so we dumped the other people who were also staying at Michelle’s house (there were six of us total. I was the only boy) and Michelle and I were off to do more stuff. First stop Karaoke machine. These things are complicated. And this was the real deal. This was the high end professional kind. It was also doubling as our sound system so we had to make sure we knew how it worked.
And then we were off to run other errands. We headed back north around 4:00 or so. And when we got there everything was moving. People were setting up tables, folding napkins, hanging lights, moving chairs. Unfortunately no one was really in charge so it was all being done by committee. This gets frustrating but I have to admit that when it was all said and done it was great. Of course sometime early evening it started raining. And raining. And raining. We held the rehearsal in the rain.
We got back to Michelle’s around 10:00. We stopped and bought sandwiches at the Italian deli down the street and pulled out the beer and bourbon and we all stood around chatting till way too late. I know I make fun of the lesbians a lot on here, but my best friend is a lesbian and out of all the lesbians she’s introduced me to since I started going to Maine, there’s only one that I don’t like. Of course I don’t think any one else likes her either but that’s another story. The three friends in for the wedding were great.
And as I’ve always said. GOD LIKES THE GAYS!!!! When we woke up early on Saturday morning. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky and the day was perfect. It was warm with a nice breeze. A perfect day to commit your life to someone. And so we headed north and began rushing around getting things ready for the day. The tables needed to be set. The flowers put out. Since the reception/dinner was also a committee we had to help get that ready as well.
And around 1:00 the guests started to arrive. The wedding was supposed to start at 2:00 but there were some people running late so it officially started around 2:30. And it was gorgeous. The altar was an arch that was hand made by one a neighbor of the parents who were hosting the wedding. The view beyond the couple was the mother’s wild flower bed and behind that the woods that border the property. The weather was perfect and by the time the wedding started almost everyone was sitting in shade. The ceremony was both funny and touching. And the vows written by the couple brought tears to my eyes. (I realized I could have blamed this on the sun if I hadn’t just said we were sitting in shade).
And the couple kissed and marched back up the aisle. And the party commenced. There was a ton of wine and beer, we smuggled in bourbon and more food than can be imagined. The food was sort of Mexican in nature and was DELICIOUS!!! It was amazing. There was blueberry salsa that I’ve never heard of before that was excellent. And of course it was a lesbian wedding so there were meat choices, vegetarian choices and vegan choices. Everyone was happy. And then there were the toasts. Sheila the best man completely stole the show. And then the dancing began. And there was much dancing. And there was much dancing. And then after the dancing there was karaoke. AND THERE WAS KARAOKE. There is nothing more wonderful than watching drunk people (like me) get up and make a fool of themselves. It was perfect.
The party lasted until about 11:00. And then everyone started heading for their tents. We were camping in a field near the house. It was actually great. No one had to worry about driving home. Everyone stayed late and it was a lot of fun. I fell into my tent around midnight. VERY drunk. I woke up at some point during the night when it started to rain. I said a little prayer hoping that my tent didn’t leak and went back to sleep. I woke up around 6:00 because something was poking me in the side. It was the flashlight. And I went back to sleep and slept till around 9:00.
When I got up it was pouring and everyone was running around cleaning up. I’ve never seen such organization and determination to get things put away. By 11:30 everything was in it’s place. There was too much to carry in one trip back to Portland but everything was organized in piles in the garage. We even had time to take a break and drink coffee and eat bagels.
And so now the weekend is over. And I’m exhausted. I need a vacation from my vacation. I do have to say the ceremony was wonderful. And I wish Doris and Liz all the happiness in the world. They are very wonderful people and deserve nothing but the best.
Now back to the grindstone.