Where in the World Is Maddog? Day 60

Today is day 60 since I left for Oklahoma.  Two months.  Wow!  Can it be that this trip is really over?  Can it be that I get to sleep in my own bed tonight (it’s 1:28.  My flight leaves at 6:15 a.m.)?  Can I really sit on my own sofa tonight and put my feet up on my coffee table?  (I get the sofa tonight, Chuck.  No arguments).  I can hardly wait.  It’s been a good trip for the most part.  Yes, it’s been stressful.  And I became an alcoholic.  And I got fat.  And I stayed longer than I was supposed to.  But in all it was a successful trip.

So I thought I would end my days of being on the road with things I learned along the way.  In no particular order.

1.  My brother is a dick.  An ass.  Inconsiderate.  A prick.  Worthless.  And pretty much useless to me at this point.  (This will be covered later in the week.)

2.  My mom can be a bitch.  Which explains alot about me.  No Comments!!!

3.  I love my mom a lot and I want to try to do more for her in the next year.  I’m not here to mow the yard and help around the house, but I am in place where I can help financially.  So I’d like to do that more.

4.  In Kentucky and Oklahoma most of the time I’m not the fattest person in the room.

5.  It seems longer hair is making a comeback.  I’ve tried it.  It looks like crap on me.  I’m getting my hair cut on Tuesday. 

6.  Jewelry on men seems to also be making comeback.  I’m not so sure I like this one.

7.  I think I want to get a master’s degree and write my thesis on my travels to “the movies” and “watering holes”.  There’s a lot to be learned about the cultures, the traditions, the guidelines, the differences.  I want to write the How to Book for dummies.

8.  After experiences like the one this summer I am reminded that I’m a good lighting designer. 

9.  After experiences like the one this summer I want to never design a show again.

10.  I want to never work with “The Director” again.

11.  I will probably work with “The Director” again.

12.  I want to marry Kelly and keep her to myself.  So that she can stage manage every show I do for the rest of my life.

13.  I wish that I was the only “Maddog” in Kelly’s life.

14.  It’s almost impossible to eat healthy when I visit my mom’s.

15.  It’s even harder to eat healthy when I’m in Oklahoma because breakfast/lunch/dinner are all eaten on the go.  Usually in about 10 minutes so that we can go back to work.

16.  I really wished that I liked being in Kentucky more.  The only reason I come here is to see my mom.  When she is gone I don’t see myself coming back unless I have to.

17.  It’s nice to look at 20 year olds, and it would be nice to do more with them.  But I DON’T want to have conversation with them.

18.  I need to save more so that next time I’m in a bind I don’t have to ask so many people for help.

19.  I need to get more sleep.  40+ year old people are supposed to get more than three hours of sleep a night.  I need about ten.

20.  If “Ashley the Cunt” can get a job teaching there is hope for me.

21.  When you expect the worst from people and they don’t deliver, it’s a nice surprise.

22.  That it’s important to know when to speak and when not to speak.  And I can’t expect the 12 year olds who work for me to know the difference.

23.  That it’s easier to let the passengers in your car pick the music than fight over it.

24.  That getting drunk and talking about dead parents can open the door for a life long friendship.

25.  Just because I take my job seriously doesn’t mean that everyone else takes my job seriously.

26.  That it’s often cheaper to go to the movies than it is to go the movies.

27.  Get everything in writing. 

28.  Ask for more.

29.  Demand more.

30.  Accept nothing less.

31.  Patience goes a long way.

32.  Please and thank-you go even farther.

33.  If you know you are going to snap at someone, it’s better to tell them up front that it’s going to happend and apologize later.  They don’t take it so personally then.

34.  Sometimes the person who knows the least does the best job.

35.  That it seems everyone thinks it’s okay to ask me what I make as a waiter.  If I were a doctor, or lawyer, or garbage man, or restraunt manager no one would ask.  Because I wait tables it seems to be open for discussion.

36.  I don’t mind telling people how much I make because it give credibility to the job when I explain how much more I make working four days a week, when I want then they do at their full time jobs. 

37.  I’m actually looking forward to going back to the restaurant.

38.  I have a lot of anxiety about going back to the restaurant.  (I had a dream about a week ago that I showed up for work, but no one knew who I was and no one remembered me ever having worked there.  It didn’t help that everything had been moved around and I didn’t know where anything was.

39.  I hate being in debt to my friends.  Concerning money.  I’m always endebted to my friends.

40.  That it’s okay to not like people that everyone else swoons over.

41.  That it’s okay to not be liked by people who like everybody.

42.  That Oklahoma has the best convenience stores ever.  Hands down.  They are clean, and the employees are friendly.  And I think they must be tested on how fast they can count change, because even when the parking lot is full it never takes more than a couple of minutes.  Their employees on the whole seem smarter than in most places.  For example I went in to the store today to prepay for my gas and I was told that I couldn’t do that because pump #7 (my pump) was a prepay only pump.  I’m still confused about that one.

43.  That no one seems to mind that there’s a tranny working at the convenience store near my mom.  (She’s the one who yelled at me about prepaying.  Maybe her hormones are effecting her.)

44.  That I actually like by boyfriend’s blind ex-boyfriend better than I like my brother.

45.  I love my roommate.  He’s the best roommate ever.  And I miss him.

46.  That more foods than I realized now give me indigestion.  Ugh, getting old.

47.  That my relatives also suck ass. 

48.  That I would like to kidnap my cousins new baby and protect him before he’s taught to hate, and be racist, and smoke, and curse, and do drugs, and be a sorry excuse for a human being.

49.  I wish I didn’t feel that way in #48.

50.  But I do.

51.  That boys in Kentucky are cuter than boys in Oklahoma.

52.  That boys in New York are cuter than boys in Kentucky.

53.  That men in Kentucky are VERY hot!

54.  That it’s possible to weigh more than I do and yet still have a 34 inch waist.  How is that possible?  When I get fat, I get fat all over.  There’s a condition in Kentucky and Oklahoma where one only gets fat in the belly. 

55.  That actor’s aren’t bad people if you give them a chance.

56.  That being 43 and living in a dorm for two months is more fun than it sounds.

57.  Did I mention my brother’s an ass.  And worthless.  And has syphillis.

58.  I didn’t think so.

59.  That I really wish my mom would go on vacation for a week and let me “CLEAN” her house and declutter the hell out of it.

60.  I miss San Diego.  A lot more than I thought.

61.  I especially miss Todd.

62.  I don’t know what to do with the remote when you have a keyless ignition.  (Anyone out there have suggestion?)

63.  That it’s worth the extra 25 bucks to get the luxury car.

64.  That as much as I hate texting that I have to move into the 21st Century because everyone else does it. 

65.  That next month when I get my free new phone that it must be easier to text on.

66.  That it’s okay to have a crush on a 20 year old, as long as it’s just that.  A crush.

67.  That my flights don’t seem so long if I don’t sleep the night before, forcing me to sleep on the plane.  (As I type this I have to be up in 2:23 and my flight leaves in four hours.

68.  I can’t wait to get home tomorrow because Lydia will have cleaned.

69.  That the faces don’t change at the movies.  The same faces that were there the first time I ever went are still there now.  The tickets are sold by the same people as well.

70.  Some of the people mentioned above look better than they did 20 years ago.  A few of them look like crap.

71.  It’s hard to live a week without the Internet.

72.  That I have to remember my mom knows nothing about computers when I try to show her what to do.  I don’t know much more.

73.  That everyone has a problem with my sleeping late but me.  Who cares if I sleep 12 hours if I show up to work on time?

74.  It hurts to step on the cap from a beer bottle.

75.  Playing cards can be more fun than I remembered.  If there are beer and friends involved.

76.  That Connie and Carla really is a fabulous movie.

77.  That I like Candide more than I though I did.

78.  That I like Into the Woods more than I thought I did.

79.  I’m still unsure about Pirates.

80.  I like designing lights even though there is often a lot of stress.

81.  I hate that the bonds you make in these situations are momentary.  And now that everyone has gone back to their lifes there is nothing to connect you anymore.

82.  That it’s okay to not answer my phone.  In fact it’s my right to answer or not answer.

83.  That I really like blogging.  And I don’t worry as much as I used to about it.  But I’m still not sure that I like that I told Kelly about it.  I’m not sure what she’ll think when she reads about the “real” me.

84.  That I have the best friends ever.

85.  That facebook can be addicting.  (Don’t judge.)

86.  That it doesn’t really help to get mad when things don’t go your way.  Just be nice, and then go home and blog about it.  American Airlines and Verizon still suck.

87.  That I wish I hadn’t told myself that I would write 100 of these things.

88.  That I hate that in 2 hours and 30 minutes I’ll have to deal with my mom who’s despondant that I’m leaving because she has no idea when I’m coming to visit again.  She’ll beg me to stay.

89.  She probably would be less upset if my brother weren’t a douche bag.  (That’s for you Kelly).

90.  I don’t really miss living in Kentucky at all.  I only miss my mom.

91.  That I have no idea how I lived with out air conditioning for the first 18 years of my life.

92.  That when I go to Oklahoma I could take about 1/3 less and still have enough.  We don’t dress up.  We don’t wear long pants.  I only need one pair of shoes.  Mostly I need underwear and socks.

93.  That I’ve never had actor’s express to me how much they appreciated my hard work and talent.  I had two actor’s tell me they would not return if Kelly and I didn’t return.  Who knows if that’s true but it’s nice to hear.

94.  That not everyone who calls themselves a stage manager can actually call a show.  And trust me there’s nothing worse than a stage manager who can’t call a show.

95.  That food cooked from the garden tastes better.  No questions asked.

96.  That I hate shaving but I hate having a beard more.  I broke my razor and haven’t replaced it so it’s been almost four weeks since I shaved last.

97.  More people like me than I think like me.

98.  More people hate me than I think hate me.

99.  That I can fly without the drugs but it’s so much easier with them.

100.  That for the most part, even though I’m fat, and broke, and  don’t have a boy friend, and hate most of my family, and wish I had a more lucrative “real” career that I’m still pretty happy.  

That’s my list.  Everyone who read to the end gets a prize. 

No tome for spill chekin.  Fogive em.

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3 thoughts on “Where in the World Is Maddog? Day 60

  1. Lemuel July 21, 2008 / 04:54

    I hope you’re the prize! 🙂

    #7. Let me know when it’s published. I want a copy.

    #16. (and related ones) I felt/feel the same about my home area. Now there is no one there, no reason to return.

    #26. Still trying to wrap my head around that one.

    #57. Oh, my!

    Have a safe trip back to the city.

  2. Peter July 21, 2008 / 06:32

    Have a safe trip home, take a rest, have your ankle checked before getting back to your day-job.

    Without waiters there would be no food on tables in good restaurants! Mail me the address, so the next time I’m in NYC I come and visit you.

  3. javabear July 23, 2008 / 20:49

    Excellent list! You must put a link to this one in your sidebar. I want to be able to find it again. Pure genius (or something like it)

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