Quicksand, Kentucky — Day 23

So I just got out of another glorious meeting with “The Director”, Kelly, the tech director and the assistant stage manager.  Anyone want to guess what we were discussing?


Let me give you a clue.  Tonight’s rehearsal was a “DRESS” rehearsal.

And what does that mean?

You got it.  We get costumes.  And guess what.  They sucked.  Ass.  Big Time.  Like nobodies business.  So much so that we all met tonight to see what could be done to salvage the look of the show.

I personally suggested Kelly do them since she already has the titles of:

Production Stage Manger

Production Manager (They are not the same)

Co-Set Designer

Stage Manager (there is a difference)

Production Assistant

Company Manager

Assistant Prop Master



Assistant Director



Drinking Buddy


The last two are why I like her the most.  So really would it be so far fetched to give her the title of Costume Designer as well?  Trust me she could do a better job, if she were color blind, and the sense of a fifth grader.

The thing that gets me, is that this woman, the costume designer, who was also the set designer until about 10 days ago teaches at the local university.  She is responsible for teaching young people how to create art.  She’s also responsible for setting an example as a theatre professional.  How is it some one is so utterly incompetent and stupid able to get a teaching job.  Really.  What scares me is that in three years they’ll give her tenure and then for the next 25 years she’ll be teaching unsuspecting students to be as stupid as she is.

I said weeks ago that if she turned in her design that she created for this show, in any design class in the country she would receive a failing grade.  The concepts were there, but there was no follow through.  She had ideas that were completely out of the scope of the size of our shows, both with budget and size.  The costumes are the same.  You can see an idea there.  But that’s where it stops.  Actually, if “The Director” had not told me what the conceptual ideas behind the costumes were I’d have no idea what she was trying to do.

And so I sat in this meeting.  Laughing to myself.  Thinking, “You should have fired her ass.  Three weeks ago!!!”  But instead of saying it, I tried to think of ways to make them better.  I did say that “The Director” was going to have to be forth right in his approach to her.  He couldn’t be a pussy about this  He needed to call her in the a.m. and tell her everything he was saying to us tonight.  And his response?  He had Kelly take notes and then told her to email them to (I forgot she had a name on here) “The Cunt.”  In no way is this Kelly’s responsibility, but she’s too nice to say no.

I have two more points to make then it’s off to bed.

First, I think he should just accept that the costumes are going to be bad for the show that opens this Saturday.  Instead I think he should concentrate on the following two shows.  They are the shows we all care about the most and that are the most interesting to everyone involved.  But he’s assured us that come next Wednesday, those costumes will be just fine.  Because he’s been in the costume shop and seen them and they look beautiful.  And I replied by saying that while he was in the costume shop he also saw the costumes he’s complaining about and they were NOT beautiful.  They sucked.  And just because the fabric is pretty doesn’t mean that it fits the actor well, or the silhouette is nice, or they are appropriate for the show.  Nope it doesn’t mean that.  So next Wednesday I predict my post will be about how sucky the costumes were for show #2.

And my final point.  “The Director” is so overwhelmed by how bad the costumes are that he hasn’t even noticed the lighting.  This is a good thing and a bad thing.  It’s good because I can make the choices I want and it will be my vision, not his.  It’s a bad thing because I can make the choices I want and it will be my vision, not his.  Yeap, it’s a catch 22.  It’s nice to not be micromanaged, but it’s also nice to get some feedback.  Yes, it is.  I can say this.  When the first cue of Act 2 coming out of the blackout came up, there was a gasp from the audience and “The Director” said, “Oh my god, that’s beautiful.” And what’s really nice is that it looked exactly like it did in my head.

But my favorite part of the evening was when “The Director” pulled me aside and told me that I was going to have to recue all of act 1 because if the costumes were going to be this ugly, then he didn’t want to see them.

How much funnier can you get?

I think “The Cunt” must have been born in Quicksand, Kentucky. Because she keeps finding herself in over her head with no way out.

There is not information about Quicksand, Kentucky other than it’s in Kentucky and it’s named because it’s along the Quicksand Creek.


7 thoughts on “Quicksand, Kentucky — Day 23

  1. Lemuel June 12, 2008 / 05:04

    The longer I live the more I believe in the Peter Principle. The Designer and the The Director are classic examples.

  2. Bill June 12, 2008 / 08:31

    Whew! Act 1 should be a piece of cake, since The Director has basically told you to leave the lights off.
    You are so funny…I enjoy (vicariously only, please) the tumultuous situations you get into. Does this designer have a clue about her professional failures? What planet does she live on?
    I hope when Kelly sends her email, she states that The Director wanted her to pass HIS thoughts and concerns along. He needs to take ownership of this show.

  3. javabear June 12, 2008 / 10:00

    I SO sympathize with Kelly. I want to meet this woman. She is my hero. Or my alter-ego.

  4. Sarah June 12, 2008 / 11:01

    Your “director” is a big old scrotum. What a baby. Can’t tell the person who is fucking up his show that she is fucking up the show and she sucks.

    In your attempt to rescue Act One you should put glow in the dark paint on all the costumes. That’d teach “the director” to ask that the lighting designer solve his costume problem. Can’t this guy doing anything useful?

  5. urspo June 13, 2008 / 01:03

    what a disaster.

  6. Peter June 13, 2008 / 02:20

    Why is he called ‘the Director’, he can’t direct his own opinion or schedule, let alone take a stand to staff who fucked things up. This whole production is a waste of time, effort, money. It shows it’s not his money.

    Of course I do believe you should get paid for all the work, time, harrasment, lousy diggings and other shit they came up with. You even should get a bonus and so does Kelly.

  7. smkelly June 13, 2008 / 04:11

    You forgot Sound Designer ! 🙂 But I’m sure that will be addressed when we get to show # 3!

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