I was all prepared to bitch about my night. I was going to tell you that it was 5% night at the restaurant and that I barely walked with 10% of my sales. But I just got off the phone with my friend Todd and and our conversation has put things in perspective for me. At least for the moment.
He lives in San Diego and has for many years. Tonight he’s watching the news to follow what’s going on with the fire that’s just north of San Diego. In 2003 a fire that started in nearly the same location and moved southeast destroyed three buildings in his condo complex. Although he’s in no immediate danger the fire seems to be following the same path which means that if it continues to do so, in the next day or so his house could be threatened. So tonight he’s preparing for the possibility of having to evacuate. A friend of his actually lives in an area that’s been evacuated.
All of this makes my bad night at work not seem so bad anymore.
As I was talking to him, I realized that I can’t really complain. I have a money in the bank, a home that’s in no immediate danger, friends who care about me, a job, food in the fridge, and unless someone knows something I don’t, I’m healthy. My bad night seems quite insignificant when I think about it. Of course, I have to make myself stop and think about it to keep it all in perspective.
I did make Todd promise to keep me informed about what’s going on. Because this is not the fire in Malibu it’s not getting nearly the national attention so it’s hard to follow. But I also don’t want to lose any sleep worrying about him. Of course, I’ll be checking out the San Diego new’s websites tomorrow to keep up on what’s happening.
On a different note, something did happen at work tonight that concerns me. I’ve been taking medication to help stabilize my mood for about six years. It’s worked for me since the first day I’ve taken it. It wasn’t exactly a miracle but it’s made a world of difference. I still get angry and upset, but I’m less unreasonable about it. Until tonight. I got to work and sat through my pre-shift meeting and I was in a perfectly good mood. And then my shift started and something happened. For absolutely no reason, I was pissed at the world. I was angry and was not even pretending otherwise. I growled at a couple of tables, in one case so badly that they moved. I yelled at the girl making desserts and had to apologize later, and snapped at one of my favorite co-workers. The entire time this was happening, I was conscience of the fact that it was happening and that there was no reason for it. I was even aware of the fact that if I continued I could likely be fired. And yet I was powerless to stop it or control it. This lasted for about three and a half hours and then it slowly lifted. The rest of the night I was still pissy, but normal pissy, not unreasonable pissy.
I was actually scared by the events of the night. I can’t afford to be fired and don’t want to be fired. Most days I actually don’t mind my job. I also don’t want to become the person I used to be. In the old days I was a regular Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde. With no provocation I could turn on a dime and become just hideously ugly. It explains why I was fired from most of the jobs I held during the late 80’s/early 90’s. I hated that person but was unable to control myself. I’m not sure if I should just hope that it was a freak occurrence or if I should call my doctor and talk to him about it. The problem with not taking action is next time I might do something I really regret, like throw a tray filled with drinks at a manager. I would get fired for this, I’m quite sure. And I know this from personal experience, because the last time I threw a tray filled with drinks at a manager I was fired. Go figure.