Day Thirty-Six: Oklahoma

I keep thinking today is Sunday.  I don’t know why, I just do.  I slept until 5:30 p.m. today, well sort of.  If you read yesterday’s post you know I didn’t get to bed until around 6 a.m. or so.   There was a party that was raging and everyone was up.  I put a drunk girl to bed, wrote my post, read a little and went to sleep.  I purposefully didn’t turn my ringer off because I had plans this afternoon and wanted to be woken up for them.  That was a big mistake.

The girl who is subletting my apartment text messaged me at 7:37 this morning to let me know that she had changed her phone number.  I’m constantly amazed at the number of people who seem to think that phones don’t ring when they get a text message.  Of course they do, that’s how you know you’ve gotten a message.  So I was barely asleep, when I received the message.  Couldn’t this have waited till a better time of the day?

My friend Michelle called me at 8:30.  I can’t imagine how she thought this was a good idea.   She’s known me long enough to know that I’m never up early unless I have to be.  She was just calling to say hello.

My roommate Chuck called at 11:27.  Are you sensing a pattern here?  He was at Starbucks wasting time and decided to call.  Ugh…

Sorted called at 12:38.  This of course is not early, unless you’ve only been in bed six hours and it’s your fourth call of the morning.

By this time I was awake.  So I returned a couple of the calls.  I called Chuck first.  He responded by saying…”I’ve got to start reading your blog before I call you first thing in the morning.”  We talked about 20 minutes with me telling all the funny stories of the day.  Then I called Michelle.  She was out shopping and seemed distracted so I cut the call short and told her to call me when she got home.  I’m still waiting.

I then decided to turn the phone off and go back to sleep.  It was about 1:30 or so.  And I did.  Sort of.  The afternoon was plagued with bizarre dreams of work, and people and pirates and bad men.  At 5:30 I rolled over and looked at the clock and decided it was time to get out of bed.

I checked email and then went off to the shower.

On the way back from the shower, my assistant ME’s door was open so I stopped in to say hello.  They were kidding me about sleeping all day and then told me the story of all stories from last night’s adventures.

Seems a 21 year old actor who was very drunk (he’s staying across the hall from me) got up and wandered down the hall to the bathroom.  Except instead of going into the bathroom he wandered into the room next door (my assistant ME’s room) walked across the room, whipped out his dick and began pissing on the chair, the floor, the clothes around the chair and everything else in the vicinity.  My assistant’s roommate had woken up when the door opened and was yelling at him the whole time.  He just kept grunting and pissing.  Then as quickly as he arrived, he did up his pants and exited the room.  Needless to say the roommate was stunned and the assistant was pissed (pun very much intended).  So when the actor finally got up at noon today there was a formal meeting with the staff person in charge of conflicts.  It was decided that the actor (who was apologizing profusely at this time) would clean the carpet, exchange the chair, clean up everything and do the laundry not once but twice…and then not drink anymore for the rest of the summer.  He doesn’t remember any of this, but trust me when I say he’s been teased about it all day.  My assistant is pretty much over it now, and realizes it makes a funny story…she just wished it had been someone else.  She’ll now be sleeping with her door locked from now on.  I already do.


6 thoughts on “Day Thirty-Six: Oklahoma

  1. sortedlives July 5, 2007 / 04:47

    Now I remember why I don’t want to be 21 again. Enjoy the rest of your week

  2. Paul July 5, 2007 / 11:14

    Oh my gosh, Maddog. It’s been ages since I’ve checked in on some blogs, but this morning I had some time, so I thought, “I’ll just see what’s going on in Iowa with Maddog.”

    First thought: “Thirty-six days in Oklhaoma? What’s he doing there?” So now — after a few hours of reading — I’ve caught up.

    I recently moved to NY after living in Oklahoma for sixteen years. I know exactly where you are and what you’re doing.

    These have been GREAT stories. You must feel like a couselor at summer camp.

    So, he likes to split the check, does he? If I was there I would definitely have taken you out. There really is a lot to see/do.

    You’ll find me on your sitemeter daily until you leave for NYC. I can’t get enough of this!

  3. Mikell July 5, 2007 / 18:30

    Pirates? Whoooo-hoooooo!

    Anyhoo, I would have turned off my phone before calling Sorted back, too. I’m just sayin’.

  4. Rick July 5, 2007 / 18:36

    Oh my goodness…I’ve got to catch up on all this. This sounds too fun!

  5. Donnie July 6, 2007 / 10:06

    It seems like almost everyone I know has a variation on the “pissing story”. Who are all these people who sleep-piss? I’m just glad I don’t share living quarters with any of them.

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