It’s all fun and games until someone loses an eye…

Does anyone else stress when they get behind in reading their favorite blogs?  I’ve spent the past two days trying to play catch up and I’m still not current.  I feel like I have to read what everyone writes or I’ll have missed something important in their lives.  It’s kind of like needing to find out what happened on All My Children this week.  Unfortunately, there’s no Soap Opera digest for blogs to give me the important details and leave out the rest.   So tomorrow, I’ll get up early before work and spend an hour or so continuing on with my reads.   Who know’s when I’ll be current.

Speaking of current.  I think I forgot to tell you that I got my glasses.  I mentioned about a month ago that I needed new glasses.   So while I was in NYC I got my eyes examined, got new glasses and got my license.  The eye exam was easy and cheap thanks to Eric.  He suggested Cohen’s Optical which runs a 20 dollar specials on eye exams.  It’s an added bonus that when I was getting the exam I was in the closet of the store.  I felt like some teenage girl getting a backroom abortion.  The exam took about 30 minutes and then I was delivered the bad news.

Is everyone sitting down?  No really sit down.  I was sitting in my chair as the doctor proceeds to tell me that as a person gets older they need special glasses to help with reading things up close.  That’s right.  I needed fucking bifocals.  How is that possible?  There’s no way I’m old enough to need reading glasses.   As he put it, around 35 the eyes start to change on some people.  But I’m not 35…But I’m not…But I’m…But…okay so I’ll be 42 next week.  But bifocals.  Fuck!

So I can already hear everyone saying it…no they’re not really bifocals.  They don’t have a sharp line across the lens.  They are graduated lenses and you can’t even tell they’re for senior citizens.  No one will ever need to know.  NO ONE BUT ME!!!  And so much for the discount eye exam, turns out these “special” lenses cost as much as my last pair of designer glasses.  And that’s without the frames.  Who knew getting old could be so expensive.

So, I took a deep breath and pulled out my wallet bought a new pair of conservative frames that weren’t too expensive and the deal was done.  Now I only have to get used to wearing them.  If I look down everyone’s blurry.  If I look up everyone’s clear.  Unless I’m reading then it’s just the opposite.  And if I move my head too fast then the world gets all wavy and I can’t focus at all.  No wonder old people are falling down all the time.  By the time I got to school today I thought I was drunk my head was spinning so much.  I finally had to take them off to get the world to be in a constant state of fuzziness.

All kidding aside, it was a bit of a shocker but I wasn’t surprised.  I had known for a while that things weren’t right, but I didn’t realize it was as easy as just needing reading glasses.  And as far as getting old is concerned there are far worse things to worry about than needing bifocals.  Of course my friend Curtis suggested that instead of “bifocals” I should get “gayfocals”.  I’ll leave you on that note.


14 thoughts on “It’s all fun and games until someone loses an eye…

  1. sortedlives April 4, 2007 / 04:03

    When I turned 40, my eyes went to hell in a hand basket. I cant see anything without them.

  2. Tom April 4, 2007 / 04:12

    Alright… quit poking fun at us geritrically challenged guys…. I switched to contacts in 1999 and actually only wear one (for distance) in my left eye… They installed what is referred to as mono-vision (one for distance and one for reading) and it was a disaster. Turns out I can still read fine without glasses or correction. So I just use the one now. Depth perception sucks, so I wear my regular distance glasses when I play darts or golf… Getting old really does bite sometimes…

    Oh…. I’ll trade your 42 for my (almost) 52 anytime!

  3. Mikell April 4, 2007 / 04:49

    I’m lucky that way. I started out with bifocals as a kid, and my eyes have been getting stedily better ever since. I only wear glasses for seeing distance now, and have to take them OFF to read.

    Here’s something to look forward to:

    When TheHusband turned 45, he got TRI-focals. I’ll leave you to ponder that.

  4. kellystern April 4, 2007 / 05:37

    Hey old man… hehehe… you, 42? damn… you seem much much younger in your writing… you are just a kid at heart aren’t you? we would love to see your new glasses… on you… happy hump day!

  5. Crash April 4, 2007 / 09:54

    My eye doctor tried to convince me to get bifocals last year. I just can’t deal with it yet.

  6. Ur-spo April 4, 2007 / 10:20

    google gabble one of us!
    welcome to middle age/land of the bifocals
    and yes
    I get frazed if I can’t keep abreast of the blogging news.

  7. Ur-spo April 4, 2007 / 10:21

    Oh BTW,
    I don’t wear glasses as I memorized the eye chart some time ago.

  8. Cincy Diva April 4, 2007 / 13:35

    I’ll be 46 this weekend and I am way past bifocals!

  9. eric April 4, 2007 / 13:51

    Yeah, glad to have been of service helping you empty your wallet. I have insurance to cover eye stuff and I still cried into the vast, empty space once occupied by my money for three weeks after my recent eye exam. Seriously, if they’d just aim their fingers a bit higher they could just go ahead and gouge my eyes out instead of my back pocket.

  10. Snap April 4, 2007 / 15:33

    I am looking forward to the day I have to read the paper with a magnifying glass, like my grandmother used to.

    KIDDING ….

  11. Donnie April 5, 2007 / 09:11

    I hate being behind in my blogs (as I am now). I hope to catch up on my Spring Break.

    Sorry to hear about the bifocals. I went into bifocals back in third grade (due to a lazy eye). Didn’t need glasses once I entered HS. And last year, had to go back into single vision glasses.

  12. Pete April 5, 2007 / 19:19

    Don’t feel bad we will all be there someday. I know it will be sooner than I think.

  13. deveil April 5, 2007 / 20:21

    I feel the same way, I’m trying so hard to get caught up, if only I could read them at work.

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