Does anyone else stress when they get behind in reading their favorite blogs? I’ve spent the past two days trying to play catch up and I’m still not current. I feel like I have to read what everyone writes or I’ll have missed something important in their lives. It’s kind of like needing to find out what happened on All My Children this week. Unfortunately, there’s no Soap Opera digest for blogs to give me the important details and leave out the rest. So tomorrow, I’ll get up early before work and spend an hour or so continuing on with my reads. Who know’s when I’ll be current.
Speaking of current. I think I forgot to tell you that I got my glasses. I mentioned about a month ago that I needed new glasses. So while I was in NYC I got my eyes examined, got new glasses and got my license. The eye exam was easy and cheap thanks to Eric. He suggested Cohen’s Optical which runs a 20 dollar specials on eye exams. It’s an added bonus that when I was getting the exam I was in the closet of the store. I felt like some teenage girl getting a backroom abortion. The exam took about 30 minutes and then I was delivered the bad news.
Is everyone sitting down? No really sit down. I was sitting in my chair as the doctor proceeds to tell me that as a person gets older they need special glasses to help with reading things up close. That’s right. I needed fucking bifocals. How is that possible? There’s no way I’m old enough to need reading glasses. As he put it, around 35 the eyes start to change on some people. But I’m not 35…But I’m not…But I’m…But…okay so I’ll be 42 next week. But bifocals. Fuck!
So I can already hear everyone saying it…no they’re not really bifocals. They don’t have a sharp line across the lens. They are graduated lenses and you can’t even tell they’re for senior citizens. No one will ever need to know. NO ONE BUT ME!!! And so much for the discount eye exam, turns out these “special” lenses cost as much as my last pair of designer glasses. And that’s without the frames. Who knew getting old could be so expensive.
So, I took a deep breath and pulled out my wallet bought a new pair of conservative frames that weren’t too expensive and the deal was done. Now I only have to get used to wearing them. If I look down everyone’s blurry. If I look up everyone’s clear. Unless I’m reading then it’s just the opposite. And if I move my head too fast then the world gets all wavy and I can’t focus at all. No wonder old people are falling down all the time. By the time I got to school today I thought I was drunk my head was spinning so much. I finally had to take them off to get the world to be in a constant state of fuzziness.
All kidding aside, it was a bit of a shocker but I wasn’t surprised. I had known for a while that things weren’t right, but I didn’t realize it was as easy as just needing reading glasses. And as far as getting old is concerned there are far worse things to worry about than needing bifocals. Of course my friend Curtis suggested that instead of “bifocals” I should get “gayfocals”. I’ll leave you on that note.