A Trip ’round Robin Hood’s Barn…

With any luck my mom’s computer will be delivered tomorrow. Unfortunately she leaves early on Fridays so she might miss it. She’s going to flip out when she sees it. Today she actually called about getting real internet at her house. With any luck she’ll move out of the 1990’s any day now. She was very excited to find out that if she bundles her cable, phone, and internet together it’s only about 15 dollars more than she already pays. I did tell her to make sure that this wasn’t just a one year deal and that it was the permanent price. And more importantly, when I go to visit her this summer I’ll be able to keep you updated as to all the fun I’m having.

Speaking of computers. I ordered my mom’s computer from Dell. I would have gotten her an Apple but I was completely convinced that she’d never be able to figure out how to use it. Yes, I know it’s easier than a PC but she’s already figured that out and it took my brother months for her to understand what little she knows. And so last Saturday I called up Dell, talked to the sales rep “Melinda” and discussed what I needed. I decided after talking to her, what I needed and placed the order. Start to finish it was probably close to an hour. When we were done I felt great about doing this for my mom and just knew that she would be excited.

When I ordered the computer I used my mom’s home address for the shipping address. I didn’t even think about the fact that she wouldn’t be there. After some consideration and after talking to a couple of people, I decided to change the shipping address to my mom’s office. I lied to her to get the address(I’ve been lying to her a lot this week).

So I called up Dell on Sunday night to change the address and boy was I in for a surprise.

Seems once you place an order with them nothing can be changed. Not the product. Not the extras. Not the address. It simply cannot be done. I was sort of taken aback. How can you not change something. It’s been less than 24 hours, it’s on the weekend, and it’s sure as hell not been possible to actually get the thing in the mail. I don’t know the name of the woman that I was talking to but she was snippy and didn’t like my tone. I was being pretend nice. Which is over exaggerating everything I said. She explained again and again that I couldn’t do it. So I asked to speak to a supervisor. She told me that she would check to see if one was available. I told her I would hold. She came back and told me that the only one available was on another call couldn’t speak to me. I told her that I would hold. She told me that I couldn’t speak to her. I told her that I would hold. She told me that I couldn’t speak to her. I told her that I would hold. She told me that I couldn’t speak to her. I told her that I would hold. She told me that I couldn’t speak to her. I told her that I would hold. She told me that I couldn’t speak to her. I told her that I would hold. She told me that I couldn’t speak to her. I told her that I would hold. She told me that I couldn’t speak to her. I told her that I would hold. She told me that I couldn’t speak to her. This went on for while. My roommate was laughing just at my end of the conversation. She finally told me that she could give me a number, I could call to speak to a manager. I jotted the number down.

So my one and only last question to this woman was, “Can I cancel my order.” She told me she would check. She came back on the line and said “Yes I could cancel the order.”

I got off the phone and immediately dialed the number to register the complaint. It was a Dell recording. I don’t even remember what it said. I do know that it was just a recording and it disconnected me at the end of it. It certainly wasn’t a number to register a complaint.

So I was a little pissed. I was a little annoyed. My roommate told me that I was probably more annoyed with my foot than I was with the lady on the phone. He probably was right. But I stopped watching TV and I sat down and wrote a snarky email…

Melinda,

I called today to try and change the shipping address of the computer system I am buying. I realized that since my mom works during the day that I should probably have the system sent to her office. I’m doing this because the last time I bought a Dell product it was left on the doorstep for anyone to help themselves. When I called I was told that I could NOT change the address. Seems that once I’ve ordered the computer nothing can be changed. I find this a little annoying. It has been less that 24 hours since I placed the order, and I can’t imagine that on Sunday of all days, the computer has been built, packed, shipped and is on it’s way to Kentucky. Perhaps you are able to work that fast. But it’s my guess that you do not.

What I WAS told, is that I can cancel my order. So I would like to do just that. Cancel my order AND THEN, I would like to repurchase the computer system to have it shipped to a new address. This seems a little like going around Robin Hood’s barn to get to the place I want to get to, but if that’s the way your award winning customer service is set up, so be it. Of course this only confirms what several of my friends have warned me about concerning purchasing a Dell Computer these days.

The other thing that I would like to have happen, is that I would like it all entered into the computer so that all I have to do is say yes to whatever else I need to confirm and NOT be on the phone for another 60 minutes to repurchase the computer. If this is not the case, then I will consider buying a new computer elsewhere.

I will be available all day tomorrow so please call when this request has been processed.

Thanks,

Maddog

In case you are able to just change the address it is as follows:

Phone number stays the same.

By the way, I don’t appreciate the customer service person I spoke to today not being willing to let me speak to a manager. And even more infuriating was the idea that she gave me a number that didn’t actually get me through to anyone, but instead gave me a recorded message and then disconnected me. Once again, it seems that Dell’s award winning customer service is at play.

My roommate told me I shouldn’t send a snarky email. But I was pissed. And annoyed. And I’d never let that advice stop me before. So what the hell. I proofed it a couple times and hit send.

Perhaps it’s just me, but doesn’t anyone else find it strange that I could get what I wanted by taking up almost 3 hours of their employees time and inconveniencing the hell out of me, just to change the address.

Anyone?

I do have to admit that Melinda called at exactly 9:01 the next morning, terribly afraid that I was going to cancel the order altogether. It took about 15 minutes to re-process the order and I was on my way.

Makes me think perhaps a well placed letter to Verizon might be just the thing.

By the way, I wouldn’t mind going ’round this Robin Hood’s barn.

A New Hard Drive…

After more than two weeks without my computer, it’s finally out of the shop.  I picked it up today from the repair store.  It now has a brand new hard drive, and is running faster than ever.  What it doesn’t have is any of the pictures that I took over the past two years.  Any of the design work I did over the past two years.  The programming for my design website.  The programming for my DVD.  Two years worth of emails.  And none of the illegal software that my friends had given me.  In essence I’m starting with a brand new computer.

I keep trying to remind myself that I should be thankful that the computer didn’t need to be replaced.  It was a relatively easy fix and for the most part painless.  As with all things, I think about what’s missing and I realize that I can live without most of those things.  The pictures are not replaceable, but it’s also not like they were of my grandmother who just died or something.  The files were important, but once again they are not things I can’t live without.  I’ll have to recreate some things but for the most part it will be fine.

What I have promised myself to do, is to back up my computer as I create files.  I have an external hard drive that I hardly ever use.  It sits on my desk beside my computer and is hardly ever plugged in.  That will change now.  I’m going to back up things as I go, so that next time I won’t lose so much information.

I’ll spend the next few days catching you up on what’s been going on but for now, I’m still working at the restaurant.  It’s going fine.  In fact I was supposed to work tonight but gave away my shift so that I could go and pick up my computer.  I’ll have to pick up a shift on Thursday or Friday to make up for it, but that’s no big deal.

I hope everyone’s been doing well, and I can’t wait to catch up on what everyone’s been doing since I’ve been gone.

Maddog without a computer…

If I have any readers left, I’d like to apologize for being missing in action for so long. I was in Kentucky from November 1 to November 11 doing a show. I was unfortunately at my mom’s house and she does not have an internet connection. It was weird being without my computer and not being able to post blog entries, nor read up on what any of you out there in blog land were up to. I got home on November 11 and that night the hard drive on my computer died. And like 90% of all people I didn’t have any of my stuff backed up. I’ve lost two years worth of pictures, all of the materials I use for job applications, the programming for my design website, and two years worth of design materials. I could have paid to get the materials recovered but it was going to cost 600 bucks and when you don’t have a real job that’s a lot of money. I suppose even if you do have a real job that’s a lot of money. My computer is now at the repair shop awaiting parts to repair it. Luckily, it was still under warranty so I’m not having to pay to get it repaired, I just am playing the waiting game. It’s been there almost 10 days now and I still don’t know when I’m getting it back. Trust me when I say being without my computer for almost a month has been very unsettling. I can’t wait to get it back and get caught up on blogs that I read as well as be able to start posting again. I have acquired lots of material in th last month.

To get you current, I worked Thanksgiving Day. In fact I worked almost 16 hours that day and experienced one of the worst shifts waiting tables that I have ever known. The customers in the restaurant that day SUCKED. They were all in pissy moods and acted as though they had never been out to eat before. There was no appreciation for the fact that I was working on a holiday so that they could eat their “holiday” meal out. To make matters worse it was 10% day. In over six hours I didn’t make one tip that was over 10%. And as the hours passed the more moody I became and it was no wonder people weren’t tipping me by the end of the day. There is nothing like working a holiday making pennies, serving grouchy people. By midnight when the restaurant closed I was just DONE. I had had it. I just wanted to slap someone and go home. I was just angry by the end of my day.

The only thing that salvaged the day for me was the knowledge that I was going to Maine on Friday. I got home at 2:30 a.m. packed, watched some TV, got about 2.3 hours of sleep, got up took a shower and headed to the airport to head to Portland to visit Michelle. I was dead tired by the time I got there, but I was so glad not to be working, and to be out of the city that I could hardly contain myself. The weekend was serving a dual purpose. Michelle and her girlfriend Lisa were hosting a non traditional Thanksgiving dinner on Friday night. And Michelle and her friends were presenting another drag king show on Saturday night. So I got to eat great food and then design the lights and run the show for their performance. It has been a great weekend. The show went off without a hitch and I think hands down it’s their best one yet. The lighting was exceptionally good this time. And dinner Friday night was insane. There was such a mix of food. My favorites were the vegetarian lasagna and the homemade chocolate cream pie…and honorable mention went to the homemade cheesecake. YUMMMMMMMY.

It’s now Sunday night and I head back to the city tomorrow. I go back to work on Tuesday and I’m hoping that it’s a better shift than Thursday. I”m trying to tell myself that it was one night and that every night won’t be like that. In the mean time I’ll try to make posts as often as I can and I’m really hoping that I get my computer back this week. Thanks to everyone who sent emails and comments wishing me a happy Thanksgiving. I hope everyone is doing well, and I’ll talk to you soon.

Day Forty-Three: Oklahoma

This is a long post…but it was a VERY long day.

We went on tour today.

Yippppeee!

The theatre company I am working for gets very large grants to take the shows that we do on the road to smaller communities in the area.  They have been doing this for years and it’s a pain in everyone’s ass.  It’s a lot of work, with very little payoff…at least for the crew, and the hours suck.  On top of all of that, we are performing in theatres that are less that adequate for what we are trying to do.   Which made for a very fun day today.

It started at 7:00 when I finally pulled my butt out of bed to go take my standard 30 second shower.   This wouldn’t have been such a big deal but I was unable to sleep last night.  I went to bed at 1:00ish and at 4:00 a.m. was still very much awake.  If you do that math that’s at best three hours of sleep.  My butt has been dragging all day.  I got downstairs at 7:30 only to find out I was 15 minutes late.  Whoops, no one told me about the change in time.  We added a few more things to the 24 foot Budget truck that was in the parking lot and we were on our way.

First stop?  Quick Trip.  You can’t officially start your day without a Diet Coke.  I would have really loved a good cup of coffee, but as I’ve mentioned the last three or four times I’ve had coffee it’s made me nauseous so I haven’t had it in a while.  The tech director and I filled our cups and were on our way.  The trip was about 35 or 40 minutes outside the city.  There was very little traffic and we made it in no time.  And there we were in front of the _________ High School.  The building was clearly built in 1903 and the prospect of what lay ahead was frightening.

We finally found someone to open the doors for us.  And when I say someone, I mean a real character.  He was a local who had been hired to open doors for us and help us as much as he could.  He was about 68 years old, and smelled as though he’d been smoking since sun up.  He had the thickest accent I’ve heard since I’ve been here and was full of fun stories.  He used to run the National Weather Station in the area until it was closed by Bush.  It’s hard for someone his age to get a job especially since the heart attack.  He’s getting an operation next week for the aneurysm that’s about to explode in his chest.  His son is going to see the Broadway show that’s in town this week.   I could go on.  I didn’t know whether to feel sorry for him or ask him to go away.  He kept popping into the control booth at the most inopportune times to talk.

So we get inside the theatre.  The first thing to greet us.  A massively huge wall of heat.  The air conditioning is broken.  It had to be 130 degrees inside the theatre and we hadn’t started working yet.  Some men were coming to fix it, but they weren’t sure they could get to it today.  In the meantime we had a show to load in and we couldn’t breathe inside the building.  And of course the temperature in Oklahoma only got worse as the day progressed.  It was very much a hot and humid day, just like it should have been.  By the time we finished tonight, I think I’d lost 15 pounds and I had done the least physical labor.  The audience was having no part of it.  I could only see the balcony from where I was stationed but at least 20 or so people left at the intermission because the temperature was unbearable.

And so we got to work.  Sort of.  The stage in this theatre is about half as big as the stage we are accustomed to working on.  We have a 40 foot stage at the performing arts center and the stage at the high school is 30 feet.  It’s also about half as deep.  On top of that there’s no fly space (the area above the stage where scenery is stored and then flown in during a specific scene) therefore it was impossible to use use at least 3/4 of the scenery we had brought with us.  We were able to use the backdrop and a couple of other pieces and that was it.  So suddenly are large musical’s set consist of some benches, 12 chairs and a rocker.  Just so you know, when things become problems visually in the theatre,  guess who they look to, to fix it?   That’s right.  Lighting.  I could magically create the gymnasium, the front porch, the gazebo all with lights.  That’s why I’m being paid the big bucks.  Right?

In a “real” theatre, with “real” equipment,  “real” money, and “real” time I could do all of those things.  However to have this become my problem when we now have 7 hours till the house opens and the audience is admitted, and there’s very little equipment, and no money.  That’s another story all together.

The lighting package consisted of state of the art equipment that was bought in 1987.  I’m not exaggerating here.  All of the equipment was at least 20 years old.  And I’ll buy someone dinner if they actually can prove to me THEY are using the computer they bought 20 years ago.   That’s what I thought.  It took my crew and me almost an hour just to figure out how to turn the lights on.  And don’t forget I have a degree in this.  Once we figured it out, we discovered that you couldn’t actually program the memory of the board.  The show would have to be programmed the old fashion way.  Manually.

We also discovered that the lamps in at least half the lights we were using were blown.  The high school drama teacher (HSDT) had explained to us that the administration wouldn’t buy him replacement bulbs.  There were also a bunch of lights hanging on a pipe that was virtually impossible to get to.  The  HSDT told us he didn’t touch those lights since it was impossible to get to them.  We also asked about why the house was so dark when the house lights (the lights that light the audience) we on.  The HSDT teacher said there was no way to get into the air to replace them so as they burned out they were just being left that way.  There’s more but I could spend an entire post just on the HSDT.  It scares me that people like him are teaching young people about theatre.

So my crew and I figured out how to get to the lights that were impossible to get to.  Unfortunately we discovered that the lights when turned on only produced a beam of light that was only about 4 feet across when it got to the stage.  (Call this the wrong equipment in the wrong place.)  This made them useless to us.  However, since HSDT didn’t use these lights, all the light bulbs in them worked.  So with the help of my crew, we scavenged the light bulbs out of the instruments that worked, but that were useless to us, to use them in the lights that were useful but didn’t work.  This took almost an hour, but I don’t think I could have lit the show without them.

Without going into the technical information, we also discovered they didn’t have the hardware to actually make all the plugs electrified that we were plugging the lights into.  So we had to be ingenious to figure out, what dimmer (the control, like in your dining room that allows you to make the light be at different intensities) could be where, to make the lights work.  There were 125 plugs.  But only 48 dimmers.  You do the math.

Finally, all the lights work and we began focusing them. (Pointing them where they go on the stage.)   In the performing arts center we usually perform in, there are about 280 lighting instruments.  This is a medium size show.  A Broadway show can have upwards of 500.  Today I lit a two act musical, with at least 15 different scenes, with dance numbers, etc. with about 40 lights.  And it actually looked okay.  But as they say: you do what you can, with what you have.

All of this was done in about three hours.   At 2:00 the actors hit the stage and we began a spacing rehearsal.  And what is that?  Well it’s basically figuring out how to make 30 adult cast members plus  8 kids  fit on a stage that’s significantly smaller than what we are accustomed to.  We basically went through the play moment by moment figuring out where people would be.  While the actors were doing this, I was figuring out what lights would be on in each scene and trying to make a list.  Unfortunately, we only did the big numbers because the two person scenes looked the same.  That meant I’d just have to wing it when I got to the show.

And this is what we were doing when the actress who plays the mother tripped on a piece of scenery coming on to stage and went crashing to the floor.  I didn’t see any of this since I was in the light booth.  What I did see was the crew member come running on to stage asking the stage manager to call 911, and telling the place that medical attention was needed pronto.  Of course everyone rushed to the stage (not me) to help.  Seems she had ripped a huge cut in her arm and also hit her nose which was now bleeding profusely.  The stage manager told me later that when she got to the stage to assess the situation there was blood everywhere.  She maintained control of every thing while the assistant stage manager sent the other actors to the green room (the place actors hang out when they are not on stage).  About 6 or 7 minutes after this occurred the EMS people arrived.  OH MY GOD!!!  I have never seen such butch women.  They looked like linebackers.  And to make their appearance worthy of mentioning.  One of them had the most beautiful mullet I have ever seen.  It was bleached blond and perfect.  I was laughing out loud as soon as I saw it…but I digress… Back to my story.  They helped the actress out of the building and to a car that was going to take her to the hospital.  She ended up getting six stitches in her arm and a bandage on her nose.  And she still made it back for the 7:00 curtain and performed perfectly.

And now we are at the show.  In every theatre there is a control booth.  Usually it’s in the back in a room that is away from the audience usually shielded by glass or plastic.  It’s the place where the light board and sound board are kept and where the people who are running those things sit during the show.  Often the stage manager will sit in the booth to call a show.  And why is all of this important?  Well, the theatre had a booth.  At the back of the balcony on the second floor.  But wait.  The best part.  It wasn’t separated from the audience.  I was standing at the light board and could have reached out and patted the woman in the back row on the head.  And why is this important.  Well the stage manager has to talk to call the show.  And about 15 minutes into the show, the audience in front of us was turning around asking us to be quiet.  It’s a little hard to call a show when you can’t talk.  Eventually, we just decided to say “Fuck It” and did what we have to do.  But I’m sure some people left a little pissed off.  Maybe that’s why they left at intermission and it had nothing to do with the heat.

And after the show.  We loaded everything back into the truck.  In the million degree heat.  We finished about 11:30 and headed home.  And now I sit here typing, thinking about the fact that I’ve been told tomorrow will be even more of an adventure than today was because the space and equipment are even more antiquated.  I can hardly wait.

Day Thirteen: Oklahoma

My day off is over.  Damn it.  Where did it go?

It’s been an okay day.  True to my word, I slept until 4 p.m.  I woke up a couple of times and promptly went back to sleep.  I finally got out of bed at 3:57.  I checked my messages and found I’d missed four calls.  Three of them from the artistic director/director of the shows I’m doing.  Whoops.  What the hell could he want.  After I made a couple of calls I did some blog surfing and then once again true to my word I took a nap.  I slept from 5:00 until almost 6:00.  I have to admit that as much of a slug as I felt like it was nice to finally get some sleep.

So I should catch you up on what’s been going on.  Saturday night was the second and last performance of our out of town try out.  I was debating back and forth about not going and then decided at the last minute I would go and help with strike (for those new to theatre, strike is when you take everything apart and either load it on a truck or get rid of it) and besides I had nothing else to do.  We got to the theatre around 6:30 or so and I was hanging out not doing much of anything.  We had stopped at Sonic before getting there so I was finishing up my most nutritious dinner when the stage manager came up to me and said she had to talk to me.  At the same time the tech director also walked up and said he’d join us in the conversation.  For a moment I thought I was in trouble.  We walked out on stage and I turned to them and said, “So What’s up?”  It was worse than I could have ever imagined.

As a lighting designer, I figure out where the lights go, when they turn on and off, what color they’ll be, how fast they’ll change etc. etc.  Once we are in the theatre I do all my work communicating to a light board operator when to turn the lights on and off, and he/she programs it into a computer.  Then when we the show is in performance the stage manager will say “GO” and the board op hits the button and the lights change according to plan.  It can be very complicated and in big musicals there can be hundreds of “cues”.

So the problem on Saturday night.  The board op had gone to the board to load the first cue and nothing happened.  She tried again and again nothing happened.  She called the tech director.  He couldn’t figure out what was wrong so they called me.  And this was what I was being told.  About half way through the conversation I went running for the control room.  Surely there was a mistake.  I got there in no time flat.  I sat down at the computer fully expecting it to be some silly mistake.

I was completely wrong.  Not only was cue 1 not in the board.  None of the cues were there.  In fact none of the information for the show was there.  None of it.  What the fuck?  I sat there for a minute, while the tech director was trying to call tech support.  Finally I realized if there was going to be show I needed to do something.  Unfortunately none of the information for the show was at the theatre.  I’d taken it home to work on the “real” production.  So I started issuing orders.  I sent the board op to the grid to start writing down numbers of lights.  I sent the spot op to the stage to do the same.  By this time it was 7:45 and the audience still was not in the theatre.  It took a while to gather the information but eventually everyone returned to the booth with what I needed.

I then spent about 20 minutes loading information into the board and then told the stage manager I was ready.  She opened the house and we sat back terribly afraid of what the night was going to be.  What eventually happened was I did the light cues live.  There was no computer.  I turned on the lights that where there when they needed to be on and tried to stay one step ahead of the show.  I used the follow spots to fill in where it was dark and we did it.  For the most part, the audience was unaware that anything had happened.  I was on pins and needles the whole time.  But in the end I pulled it off with the help of my crew and the stage manager and I don’t even think that most of the actors or audience even realized there was a problem.

So the show came down and we began strike.  It meant returning all the lights to their original position, taking all the scenery down, boxing all the props and costume and then loading it all onto a truck.  The show finished at 11:00 and the scenery was in the truck with us ready to go at 1:00, which is a very fast time.  Everyone got in their cars and we started home.  I rode with the tech director and we got about a mile from the theatre when we realized the truck wasn’t behind us.  So we turned around and went back.  Whoops there was a little problem.  Seems the ME (he’s not the brightest bulb in the box, but I’ll come back to that) had had trouble seeing so he’d had the cargo lights turned on.  Which in turn ran the battery down.  So when the girl driving the 24 foot Budget rental truck tried to start it, nothing happened.  So now it’s 1:15 in the morning and we are fucked.

Of course no one has jumper cables so we go to Wal-Mart to get some.  This takes longer than we expect because it’s on the other side of town.  We get there buy them and come back.  We pull the tech director’s car close enough to jump the truck and get out.  We open the hood of the truck, and start looking for the battery.  And we look.  And look.  And look.  And look.  And look.  None of us can find it.  Surely it has to be out in the open where you can get to it.  After 30 or so minutes of this we give up and I finally convince the tech director to call AAA.  While he’s on the phone trying to get someone to come out, I decide to call Budget to see if they can send someone.  It takes about 10 minutes but I finally get thru to someone who’s able to tell me where the battery is.  I say thank you and hang up.

Seems in a 24 foot Budget rental truck the battery is under the passenger side door outside the engine.  Who would have thought.  So we hooked the truck up the car and it took about 15 minutes for the battery to charge enough to start the truck, but eventually it started and we were on our way.  I think we finally arrived home at 3:30.  Which made for a very early morning on Sunday.

Since the post is so long, I’ll catch you up on Sunday and Monday tomorrow night.