Sunday night in NYC…

Where has my weekend gone.  I blinked and my two days off evaporated right in front of me.  Damn.

I slept in again today.  I had the worst night’s sleep last night that I’ve had in weeks.  I took forever to fall asleep and then I kept waking up.  I was always in the middle of dream that took me seconds/minutes to figure out what was going on.  Then I would look at the clock and be upset that I was awake.  It was the wee hours of the morning before I got to sleep for good.  And then once again I slept through my alarm.  It was 3:00 p.m. before I got out of bed.  The only good thing about that was that I forgot to put water in the coffee pot last night so my coffee had yet to brew.  So I was still able to have fresh coffee when I got up.

The one productive thing I did today was to take down the Christmas tree.  I started around 4:00 and by the time my roommate got home around 6:00, all the decorations and lights were off the tree.  With his help we got the tree outside and the then we spent the next hour or so cleaning up and putting the decorations in boxes and getting the boxes put away.  I suspect that we’ll be finding needles around the apartment for the next couple of months.

After the tree we both ate dinner and then settled in to watch the primary results.  My roommate is a much more die hard political junkie than I am, so when I say we settled in to watch, we did.  The TV was on MSNBC all night as we waited to see who was going to win the Democratic side of the primary.  It was an interesting night listening to the commentators discuss Hillary.  It’s pretty clear they don’t like her.  I suppose they’ll like her even less now that she won New Hampshire.  It will be interesting to see what the next couple of weeks bring as far as the election is concerned.

My Day Off…

I finally got to bed at 5:30 this morning.  A wee bit later than I had intended.  More importantly I had wanted to get up somewhat early so that I could enjoy my day off.  I knew however, that if I didn’t get at least 7 or 8 hours of sleep I would not be happy, so I set my alarm for noon.  I was awakened at 10:30 by my friend Ryan calling to make plans for Friday.  I was a little annoyed.  I know, I know, I should have turned the ringer off, but I forgot.  It took me almost 30 minutes to get back to sleep and then I promptly slept right through my alarm and didn’t get out of bed until almost 3:00.  So much for enjoying my day off.

I did manage to get to the bank, take my laundry to get it done and to get my hair cut.  Those things had to get done today.  I did not however get to the post office to pick up the Christmas present my mother sent me.  Nor did I make it to the movies.  These things will have to wait until tomorrow.

The evening ended with me having dinner with my friend Caleb.  He’s a friend from grad school.  We haven’t always been on best terms.  In fact during my last year of grad school he annoyed me a lot.  Since we’ve both graduated the relationship has changed and we get along great.  We had dinner at an Italian restaurant in Chelsea.  I ate pasta which I’ve been trying to avoid, and I had wine which I’ve also been trying to avoid.  Whoops.  I just decided it was my day off and I deserved to treat myself to a dinner that was 50% off at my restaurant or delivered from the diner down the street.  And I really don’t feel guilty about it.  I’ll be good tomorrow.  If I manager to get to bed so that I can get out of bed at a reasonable time.

My roommate and I take down the Christmas tree tomorrow night.  It’s thoroughly dead.  And has turned a truly beautiful shade of brownish green.  It’s my least favorite part of the holidays.  If only someone would come do this for me.  Alas.

On the 12th Day of Christmas…

Yippee!!!  Christmas is over.

It actually wasn’t that bad this year.  I was supposed to go to a party at a person from work’s house, but in the end I did exactly what I said I was going to do.   I slept late.  I got up and moved to the sofa and then watched the Hallmark channel.  It worked out that just as I was getting comfy on the sofa, my favorite Hallmark movie was coming on. So I settled in and watched.  It’s a wonderful little movie about a country music singer who dies in a car wreck and is sent back to earth to do a good deed before she can get into heaven.   All of the events take place at Christmas and her good deed involves putting a family back together that’s grown apart after the mother dies.  The movie is called the Unlikely Angel and stars my all-time favorite Dolly Parton.  What’s not to love.  It’s sappy, and silly and I’ve seen it at least three or four times in the past few years.  And if I have my way I’ll watch it again next year.

The other thing that I did on Christmas Day was talk on the telephone.  I decided what better day to let people know that you care about them and love them.  So I probably called 20 or 30 people just to say Merry Christmas and to let them know I was thinking about them.  I actually talked to about 15 people or so.  In fact at 5:00 I settled in to watch Scrooge (the wonderful musical version of A Christmas Carol) and the phone rang about 10 minutes later.  I paused the movie and proceeded to talk to mom for almost 90 minutes.  Her call was followed by another and yet another and it was almost 9:00 before I restarted the movie and finished it.  I had to recharge my phone twice to get through the day.

What I realized was that if you don’t expect too much from the day then you are rarely disappointed.

Now I have to decide what I’m doing for New Years.  Our schedule at work was just posted and I am NOT working which makes me very happy.  Perhaps I’ll stay home and watch the Hallmark Channel movies that I DVR’ed on Christmas Day.   It’s just a thought.

Winter Blues…

I’ve realized over the past two or three days that the depression I’ve suffered with most of my adult life has returned.  It’s a sneaky little beast.  It would be so much easier to recognize if it just pounced on me.  Instead it sneaks up.  I find I’m sleeping a little later/more than I was.  I’m eating more than I should.  I’m a little grumpier than I tend to be.  Little things have started to annoy me.  My bedroom is no longer in order.  I don’t shave every day.   Individually none of these things mean much.  I slept in today because I was tired.  I ate a sandwich at 2:00 a.m. because I was hungry.  I snapped at the person because they snapped at me.  But then I wake up one day and realize that when all of these things are added together and I start to think about how I feel, I realize the depression is back.

I’ve also been dealing with it long enough to know why.  It’s winter and the days are SHORT.  It’s Christmas and the holidays have been depressing for me for many years.  I’m 42 and I’m waiting tables and I don’t like that fact.  I have no theatre work lined up for the next 3 months.  I’m also not as thin as I thought I would be by the end of the year.  And well I could continue the list.  Long story short I know why I’m depressed.

Now the question:  What do I do about it?

First I have to stop sleeping so much.  I need to set the alarm and get out of bed and drink some coffee in the morning.  This makes me happy and gets me going.  It’s just hard to do this when I’m really not feeling it.  I also need to start back on the South Beach Diet.  I have gotten away from it for the past 6 weeks or so, and I’m starting to gain weight, and at the end of the day I feel much better about myself when I’m eating healthy.  I also need to talk to my doctor about the depression when I see him on Thursday.  I usually act as if everything is fine, but it’s really not and I need to tell him so.  I think it might be time to change up the medication.  The tricky part there is I still don’t have health insurance and I WON’T take a prescription that has adverse sexual side effects.  And the ultimate way I’m going to get through this:  I just need to wait it out.  The only nice thing about depression (at least for me) is that it eventually passes and I WILL start to feel better.  The big question is how long that will take.  If you’ve never dealt with it, two minutes of depression is too much, so to think I may have to wait for spring to get her is a little overwhelming.

For the moment though, I just need to get through the holidays.  Christmas is tomorrow.  New Year’s is next week.  And then we’ll see how things are going.

Bah Humbug!!!!

I hate Christmas.

There I said it.

I hate Christmas.

I suppose I should be embarrassed by this statement.  But I’m not.  I hate the holidays.  I end up depressed and alone and wondering how I’m supposed to spend them when in actuality I don’t want to celebrate them.

So I’m sitting here trying to decide how I’m going to spend Christmas Day.   I’ve sort of invited my friends Bret and David up for Christmas Eve but I don’t know if they are coming.  And I’ve sort of been invited to a gathering Christmas Day but I don’t know if I want to go.  So that leaves me wondering what I’m going to do.

I have to work Christmas Eve day.  We are open until 10:00 p.m. but since I work Monday day’s I was scheduled Christmas Eve Day to work.  I’ve been tempted to pick up a shift Christmas Eve Night but I dont’ really want to work a double.  So I’ve told myself “fuck it” and I’m just working a morning shift.  I figure if someone really wants me to work for them they’ll ask.

And so I have off Christmas Eve Night and Christmas Day and I don’t really want to do anything.  I think I’d love it if I could just stay home and watch Hallmark TV movies, order Chinese Food and just chill for the day.  Most of my friends disagree with my assessment.  They think I should do something social, like go to this girl’s house from work and drink mimosa’s and celebrate the day.  I suppose they are right, I’m just not feeling it at the moment.  So right now I’m going to bed and am going to drink a Diet Coke and analyze my options and try and decide what I’m going to be doing.

And the question is:  How are you spending Christmas Day?

My Nose Is Running…

I have some sort of sinus thing going on.  My head is completely stopped up but my nose is running.  It started yesterday and was worse today.  I think it’s probably related to the radiator heat in my apartment which has been on a lot more because it’s been colder.   I feel fine though so I don’t even know what to take for it.   It wouldn’t be much of a problem at all except that having your nose run while you are waiting tables is a bit of a nuisance.  Most people don’t like seeing you wipe your nose on your sleeve while you are at the table.   Maybe I should just call in sick for a couple of days and not worry about it.   (Just kidding).

Speaking of work.

Tonight I had the kind of night that makes me think waiting tables isn’t so bad.  It was the complete opposite of last night.  Everyone was friendly and happy and I didn’t have one difficult customer all night.  I only got one bad tip, but since the check was only 15 dollars it didn’t hurt my average much.  I actually had a lot of fun tonight and as a result the evening flew by.  I turned around and it was 11:00.  If only every night could be like that.

I also got my Christmas schedule tonight.  I work Christmas Eve during the day and then am off that night and all day Christmas.  I’m starting to think that maybe I should try and find some people that are going to be in town to play with.  I had actually planned to order Chinese and watch Hallmark TV movies all day.  Now I’m having second thoughts.  Of course it might be too late to make plans since everybody else probably already has plans but I suppose it’s worth a try.  There are a couple of people at work I wouldn’t mind hanging out with and there are even more people from school that it would be nice to see.  I think tomorrow I’ll send out some emails and see what the replies are.

Hi.

I’m drunk….

I did something I never do tonight. I went to a gay bar. And had way tooooo many beers.

It started out completely innocent. My friend Lee whom I work with suggested we grab dinner after work today. Did I mention that I worked today? That sucked, but only because we were extremely slow. Anyway, after work today, Lee, myself and a bartender named John went to Ruby Tuesday’s which is near my restaurant. For some reason Lee had gotten into his head that that’s where we needed to eat. And so we were off.

The service was okay, the food sucked and the entire experience was WAY TOO expensive. It cost the three of us 150.00, and that was without any appetizers or dessert. Our server Mark, took okay care of us, he was a little too timid for my taste but we discussed that and we think we might have scared him with our agressive behaviour. Of course we tipped him about 12 million percent so it was well worth it to him to deal with us.

After dinner, I decided to tag along with John who was going to The Ritz to meet a friend. It’s a quaint little bar in Hell’s Kitchen and was quite the surprise. I had never hung out with John before. In fact in the two months I’ve worked with him today was the first day he’s ever spoken to me. That didn’t bother me though, and off we went. He turned out to be a very funny guy. He’s just coming out of the closet and most people I work with don’t even know that he’s gay. Of course how they can’t guess it is beyond me cause he’s a little on the flamboyant side. But who am I to gossip about that.

And so we drank. And drank. And then his friend showed up. And we drank some more. And some more. And now it’s 3:48 in the a.m. and I’m tipsy. I had a great time and it’s not like I do this every night. Of course, I kept telling John and his friend Kevin that I was supposed to be home putting lights on the Christmas tree that Chuck and I bought on Saturday. But the way I see it, the lights will wait till tomorrow afternoon. LATE tomorrow afternoon. I’m about to go to bed and sleep until 4 p.m. As I mentioned I worked the day shift today and I only got about 2.5 hours of sleep before I got to work, so I’m tired…and then I’m drunk…and well I think sleep is the best solution. I just hope that I’m not hung over tomorrow. I’m going to put the lights on the tree in the afternoon so Chuck and I can decorate the tree tomorrow night. H0pefully, I will have pictures of our efforts tomorrow night.

And with that my friends, I’m going to bed.