HOME!!!!

I’m beat and I haven’t done a single damn thing today.

I never got to sleep last night. I finished writing the post you read today around 3:45 a.m. My ride to the airport showed up at 4:05 a.m. I was just putting my shoe on when she arrived. I gathered up my belongings and by gather up I mean she took a deep breath and lugged my bag out to the car. And then we were on the way. I could have fallen asleep immediately but I thought it would be rude to sleep while she drove. So we chatted. It was a nice drive. In no time at all we were at the airport.

The thing that was worrying us was how she would get my bag to the ticket counter since I couldn’t carry it and she couldn’t leave the car parked at the curb. When we got there it wasn’t that bad. She pulled up to the curb. She helped me out and then just lugged my bag inside. There was no one waiting so she dropped it and the counter and gave me a hug and ran back to her car. As soon as I turned around, the woman behind the counter had processed my boarding pass, asked to see my ID and then said to have a seat since the wheel chair was there. The lady with the wheel chair was great. She was too funny and too friendly.

First stop security.

I’ve flown a million times since 9/11, with the increased security. I’ve never had a problem getting through. I’ve never had my bags searched. I’ve never set off the metal detectors. But wouldn’t you know, as I hopped through on one leg today, the machine beeped. “I’ll need male assistance for search.” UGH!!! It’s not that I mind, it’s just that I minded today. I’m not allowed to sit down. I’m not allowed to have my crutches. I am balanced on one foot waiting to be moved into the security area to be “patted” down. Of course while I’m standing there another guy next to me sets off the alarm and practically pushed me down so that he could go first. Finally Mr. Security Guy comes over to process us. Needless to say, Mr. Pushy got processed first. I stood balanced on one leg for almost 20 minutes till it was my turn.

I hopped into the security area, terrified that I was going to loose my balance and land on my broken ankle. They kept asking if I needed a cane, but a cane is not crutches. I was allowed to sit down finally. But only for a second. The first thing they asked me to do was to stand up, stretch out my arms and stand there while they ran the wand over my body. And of course it found nothing. It never beeped, it never made any noise at all. But I had to stand there at least 10 minutes while the ran the wand everywhere. And then he was finished. Next I got patted down. And it’s my opinion that if I have to be patted down I should at least get a boy that’s cute. I’m just saying. So I get patted down and finally after balancing on one foot for 45 minutes I get to sit back down in the wheel chair, put on my shoe and start toward the gate.

As I said, wheel chair lady was sweet. She love my toenails. She commented that they matched my eyes. She took me to three stores to find one that sold Diet Coke. Diet Pepsi would just NOT do. Then she dropped me at the restroom. And then pushed me to the gate. I asked on the last leg of the trip whether I was supposed to tip her or not. I had never been wheeled through an airport before. She responded by saying that it was entirely up to me. I gave her ten bucks.

And now that I was at the gate it was time to sit and wait. The flight had been delayed thirty minutes because of weather in NYC. While I was sitting there the gate agent came over to check on me and offered to change my seat to one in the front of the plane. I told him I didn’t care as long as it was an aisle. And an aisle it was. Not long after that we were boarded and on our way.

The rest of the trip was fairly uneventful. We landed and after a few minutes a not so nice lady arrived to wheel me to baggage claim. When we got there my driver was waiting for me. Within about 15 minutes or so, I was in the car on my way to my apartment. Of course the part that I had been dreading was still in front of me. I’m a large guy and bouncing up two flights of stairs is NOT fun. And as I suspected it was not. It wouldn’t have been so bad if the driver had not been in a hurry to drop off my bag and leave. So I hopped as fast as I could. Of course I missed the top step and almost fell backwards which in and of itself would have been hysterical, don’t you think.

So I’m home, I’m tired. I’m a little grumpy. So I’m going to go sleep in my own bed.

Day 1 In The Land of Corn

Well I made it. I’m in the Land of Corn as this man calls it. I’ll be here till the morning of the 26th. That means I have 17 LONG, VERY LONG days in front of me. Actually I’ll be busy for most of them. At least off and on. The actual scope of the projects has yet to be figured out by anyone least of all me. I’ll have my first face to face meeting tomorrow so I’ll be a little bit better equipped to let you know what’s going on then.

So my day. I didn’t get up till noon. I slept more than 10 hours last night. This after staying up all night the night before to get my light plot finished. When the alarm went off I was still fast asleep. In fact, I was in the middle of dream where everyone hated me because I was bitching about something. This was at my undergrad school although everyone who was there was older. There was a bunch of stuff that happened, including my roommate dumping me for someone else because I was complaining about the state of the dorm we were going to be living in. There was much screaming at me, and embarrassing me by everyone involved. And then just as I woke up I found my friend SK and she was finally nice to me. She agreed to be my roommate and we were just headed to the dorm when the alarm went off. It was a very disturbing dream. I think it was forshadowing of things to come.

Once I was up, I had my usual pot of coffee and watched the news. It was a slow new day. The only thing of importance was the Olympic torch thing in San Francisco. But at that time, there wasn’t much to report. After the news and coffee I showered and then I started packing. I usually don’t pack until the day of the trip. I make little piles in my bedroom (or sometimes the living room). Each pile is important and I stick things there so I know I won’t forget them. So all my piles were complete, and it was time to make it fit in the bag. I probably should have used my monster bag since I was going to be gone so long. But it weighs a ton without clothes and I have never taken it to the airport that I didn’t have to unload something to get it under 50 pounds.

So I used my large carry on bag. It all fit…but barely. By the end I was stuffing socks and underwear into shoes and the corners of the bag. It took about 20 minutes just to get it all to fit. Then it was time to pack my computer bag. It’s just as difficult to pack as the regular bag. First in my medications. I always take them with me just in case the airline loses my bags. I can’t miss a dose. Next I actually need my computer and all it’s cables, mouse, mouse pad, etc. Then my phone charger. Then the book I’m reading and the book I’m going to be reading. Then all the paperwork that pertains to the show. A couple of legal pads to take notes on. A couple of diet cokes, because they cost 10 million dollars a piece at the airport. And then I look around and try to figure out what I’m forgetting.

Today I didn’t figure out what I was forgetting till I was half way to the airport. I forgot the cable to my camera. So as of right now I can’t download pictures to my computer. I sent an email to the tech director on the show asking if he knew where I might find one. If he doesn’t have an answer then I’ll order one and have it sent here. I can’t not post pictures of my wonderful adventures.

At 2:45 the car arrived to take me to the airport. Getting to any of the three airports in the metropolitan area can be very tricky. It can take three minutes or it can take 90 minutes or more. So you have to build in time to get there. I always take a car service. It’s much easier having a car show up at an alloted time and you don’t have to worry if there are no cabs. I won’t take public transportation because it takes too long and I don’t want to carry my bags any farther than I have to. The other nice thing about my taking a car is that I charge it to my friend Lou’s account. Then he expenses it to his company. So neither of us really has to pay. Just don’t tell anyone this.

So I get to the airport in exactly17 minutes. I had given myself an hour. I had also allotted two hour at the airport because I was flying American Airlines and the other news story of the day was that AA had canceled 850 flights in the US today. I was a little worried. I had checked online and my flight was scheduled to depart with no delays and had not been canceled but I was also worried that there would be a million people in line and it would take forever to check in. Exactly 36 minutes after I left my home, I was at the airport, checked in and through security. What the fucks that about.

So now I had to waist almost three hours. So I though I would get some lunch. What I quickly discovered was the only real restaurant was outside security. So back out I went. I went to Something Rock restaurant. It was like a knock off of the Hard Rock Cafe. I grabbed a seat in the back and the waitress approached me. I ordered a beer and a chef’s salad. Not so healthy/healthy all at the same time. And so my beer came and I made a couple of phone calls. Then lunch arrived and I ordered another beer. Then the salad was taken away and I had another beer. Why so many beers. I hate to fly. Actually I don’t mind flying. It’s the take off that scares me. So I always have a few drinks or take some Attavan. Sometimes both. It takes the edge off and I usually don’t mind the take off so much.

So I had my three beers and wandered back through security and down to my gate. I still had an hour-fifteen to go. So I made some more phone calls. I talked to my roommate Chuck, and my friend Donna, and my friend Angie. And while I was talking to Angie, I was cruised by a little 20 something frat boy. At first I was surprised but we he beckoned me to follow him. What could I do but follow him. So I told Angie I would call her back and followed him. And he went into the men’s restroom. At this point all I could think of was Larry Craig getting arrested and that really wouldn’t make my day. But I wanted to see what he was up to so I followed. He went to the urinal, and I went to the one next to him. I stood there long enough to see his erect penis smile at him and then went away. It was a very nice penis I might add. When I got back out of the restroom I called Angie back and started walking toward my gate. Just as I got there they called my name to come to the desk. And so I said good-bye to Angie and went to the counter. They shouted at me to go to the plane they were just about to close the gate.

Damn, I’d been on the phone not paying attention and almost missed my flight. It didn’t help that I was a little tipsy and had already changed the time on my watch so I was kind of thinking I still had an hour. Whoops. Luckily, I got on the plane but they’d given my seat away so I was in the back next to the bathroom. This wouldn’t have been so bad but every time the door opened the most foul smell in the world came sweeping out. It smelled like a port-o-potty that hadn’t been cleaned in weeks. It was disgusting. I tried to tune it out. So I put on my I-pod and went to sleep.

And the plane arrived exactly on time. I got my rental car which took all of about three minutes since it’s billed through the school and all they needed was a license to make sure I was who I was supposed to be. So then I was on my way. First stop the movies. I had decided to stop by and just see what was happening. And the answer was not much. I did meet a nice boy from the University of Iowa. But that’s a story for another time. Maybe even for another blog. And then I headed east to my little town of 12 people.

I got here around 10:30 and of course the place was dead. They roll up the sidewalks and lock everyone away for the evening. Even McDonald’s and Dairy Queen were closed. I went and go the key to my place from security and then drove to my humble abode. As always it is in Iowa, it wasn’t exactly what I was expecting.

My arrangements are such. It’s an old house that has been turned into sleeping rooms. There’s one bath up and one bath down that are shared by the many guests of the house. Tonight I think I’m the only one here, but it was 10:30 when I got here so they may have been in bed already. My room consists of a bed and a dresser and a night stand with a lamp. That is all. No TV. No desk. It’s a little bare. I’ve already sent an email to the tech director at school saying that I need something to use as a desk with a chair so that I can work on my computer. Right now I’m sitting in the kitchen which is ablaze with flourescent lighting. It’s the only surface in the apartment that I can sit at. The rest of the house is such. There is a kitchen that is stocked with a couple of plates and some silver ware. There is A skillet but no pans. There is a stove but except for the skillet nothing to cook with. There is a coffee pot and a microwave and a toaster. It’s all white so with the lighting it’s BLINDING in here.

After I explored the accomodations, I was off to Wal-Mart for Diet Coke. One can not live on water alone. I got to Wal-mart and I wanted to get coffee, a coffee mug, some half and half, sweet and low, and a few things to nibble on. I had been told I would be staying in a furnished apartment so I thought I would be some place where I could cook. That’s obviously not the case. I did buy some microwavable dinners so that I don’t have to eat out everyday. As it is eating out consists of McDonald’s, Hardee’s and Dairy Queen. The KFC is too far away to get to. There’s also a smoked filled restaurant called Kelsey’s which I went to when I was here last spring, but it’s hard to eat when the entire restaurant is smoking. I had forgotten that you could actually smoke indoors in some places.

So after Wal-mart is was home to put everything away. Unpack. And then make dinner. I bought a sub sandwich at the grocery which I took a picture of today. The reason I got it was because it made me laugh. You’ll understand when I post the picture. Then I watched an episode of Law and Order: Criminal Intent can I tell you how much I hate Vincent D’Onofria. He spends the entire show with his head cocked to one side, yelling at people. He is know Christopher Meloni. Who is my boyfriend. He just doesn’t know it.

And that is the wrap up of Day 1 in the Land of Corn, better known as Iowa.

PS: It’s late and I’m too tired to proof this. If there are any typos, misspellings or other confusions please forgive me. I know not what I do.

Day One: Oklahoma

Day One Oklahoma:

I don’t know if I’m cut out for this. I’m 20 years older than most of the other participants in this little extravagance. Many of them are still in college. Once we get past the subject of what beer should we drink there’s very little else to say. But I’ll come back to that…

My day. My day started around 9:00 when the alarm woke me. I jumped up and began packing. Last night I had made little piles in the living room of things I needed to bring with me, but none of it was in a bag. I’m sure Chuck was wondering what the hell was going on when he got up this morning, because there was stuff on the couch, the chair, my desk, the floor, and the kitchen table. So I jumped out of bed at 9:00 and began the task of packing. First I had to go downstairs to pick up my laundry which I had dropped off at 2:30 to have done. Thank God for the 24 hour laundry place downstairs. I arrived back upstairs and promptly dumped my laundry on the bed. Oh, Fuck. I forgot to tell them not to use dry sheets. I love the smell, but I’m severely allergic to them. Before I could even get that first thought out I began sneezing. I searched through the laundry found them all and dumped them in the trash.

Then I began packing. I was packing to be away for 4 weeks, living in a dorm. So I needed to pack as many clothes as I could, towels, sheets, plus all the materials I need to function as a designer. I started throwing things in suitcases, trying to balance the weight. I have the mother of all suitcases and it’s huge, but unfortunately it almost always weighs more than 50 pounds and the airline wants to charge me for it. So as I’m packing, I put all the light stuff in the big bag…towels, pillows, blankets. I put the tripod, printer, scripts (4 tons of paper) in the little bag. After about 30 minutes most everything is in and the bags don’t feel too heavy so I hope for the best.

After I’m packed, I jump in the shower. I take the quickest fucking shower ever. I’m in and out in 5 minutes. I get out, dry off and realize that I’ve packed the clothes that I want to wear. I quickly find them, pull them and get dressed. I spend the next 20 minutes picking up around the apartment doing a couple of favors for Chuck in the kitchen and getting ready to leave. At 10:45 the phone rings. It’s my master electrician. (Little bit of theatre information at this point. I design the lights. I figure out where they go, what color they’ll be and when they’ll be turned on and off. I have a Master Electrician or M.E. who is in charge of implementing my design. In a perfect world I wouldn’t lift a finger. I send off the design, come back in two weeks and it would be in the air ready to go.) So my ME calls. He’s called to tell me that he doesn’t own the software program that allows him to access ALL the information contained within the design. He doesn’t own the program that let’s him know what color the lights are, where they are focused and what they do. How the fuck is this possible. Everyone owns this program who even thinks about being in lighting. Hmmm. One more notch in the hat for things going wrong. I explain to him that I’m waiting for the car to pick me up and that we’ll have to wait to discuss it when I get to Oklahoma. He says okay.

I haul all of my shit into the hall, lock the door, go downstairs and am greeted by the grumpiest driver ever. He doesn’t speak to me as I load my stuff into the car. I get in, and buckle up. At which point he asks me direction to the airport. What the fuck. The whole point of having a driver is so that I can sit in the back seat and sleep on the way to the airport. I don’t know how to fucking get to the airport. If I knew that I’d be the driver. I tell him what I think is the right way and we are off. It takes a few minutes but finally we are on our way. It was a rough start but we get there without incident.

I check in. I scan my credit card so the automated machine can find my reservation. I check my two bags. I select two seats. I print my boarding pass. I go the ticket counter. At this point I say a little prayer. Please don’t let my bags weigh too much. I plop both of them on the scale hoping this will confuse them. I have my id checked. I’m asked the questions about liquids. I’m then asked to take the small bag off the scale. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Yeap. My big bag weighs 65 pounds. How is that possible. It has two towels, two pillows and a blanket. I’m asked to distribute the weight more evenly. I explain that the other bag is too full. That I’m stuck and will just have to pay the fee. I take out my credit card and am about to pay when the person says…”Oh, never mind. I know what kind of day you are about to have.” I get a little scared at this. She tags my bags and then makes me promise to be nice to every ticket agent I come in contact with today. I say okay. At this point she explains that all the morning flights to Dallas have been cancelled. All the afternoon flights are postponed. I’m checked in but there’s no guarantee that I’m going anywhere. I’ll have to check in at the gate once they finally announce the time the flight is leaving. And so I’m checked in with a promise of niceness and 50 dollars richer than I should have been.

The travelling isn’t so bad. My 1:40 flight has been postponed until 3:30. There’s no guarantee I’ll make my connection into Oklahoma, but we’ll cross that bridge later. So I sit in the airport and wait. I’m actually not so bad at it. I took a poll of the boys walking by that I would sleep with. I’m finding that my type is switching to older men as I get older. Not that I would turn down any number of the cute young ones playing around in the airport today. We finally boarded the flight at 3:30 and at 4:07 left NYC. There were still no guarantees that I would make my connection but what can you do. The flight was packed. I was sitting next to a guy equally as large as me and we were squished into a chairs like sardines. We arrived in Dallas at 6:30.

It was my lucky day. My connecting flight was the plane I had just gotten off of. I got off the plane, peed, got a Diet Coke, and then got right back on the same aircraft. I was one row behind where I started. The flight was not crowded this time and so the middle seat was empty. What wasn’t empty was the window seat. “Bertha” was sitting in the window seat. During the 55 minute flight I discovered that she works on main frame computers…if you keep them with tape and nothing crashes it’s quite the easy job . Her sister had been waiting since 1:00 to pick her up at the airport. She was visiting from Baltimore because her nephew was getting married in St. Louis. Her sister and her husband were leaving tomorrow to head to St. Louis and Bertha and her niece would be leaving on Friday. Bertha also love Sudoku. Her mother’s family is from Oklahoma. Her brother -in-law is a minister. He was in seminary in Texas and they wanted him to get a church in the east but it didn’t happened. I could go on but you get the drift. When we landed she wished me well in Oklahoma and I was off.

I was met by the Technical Director. Sort of. There was a yound kid with a mohawk standing by baggage claim. He kept looking at me but I couldn’t tell if he was cruising me, or waiting for his girlfriend. I grabbed my luggage and went outside. About 5 minutes later the kid with the mohawk approached me and asked me my name. We introduced ourselves and then he led the way to the car.

First Stop: The Dorm of Love. Actually it’s called Honors House and looks like a frat house. I was given the key to my room and shown where it is. Unfortunately it’s on the second floor. I say unfortanetely because that’s the floor without air-conditioning. Fuck. It’s was hotter than hell in my room. I dropped my stuff off and then it was off to dinner. We went to an Irish Pub that I don’t remember the name of. The food was good and the beer was better. We were joined by my ME. The one without the software. I might add at this point that the ME is beautiful. He’s soft spoken and sweet, and is very easy on the eyes. In fact he’s quite sexy. I couldn’t help staring at him all through dinner. We ate, had a couple of beers and headed back.

I of course made them stop at the grocery store so that I could get Diet Coke. We also bought more beer since that seems to be the staple they all exist on here. We then headed back to the Dorm of Love. It was over flowing with people this time. There were people cooking in the kitchen, hanging out watching TV, drinking in the halls. It was just like being in college, except I’m 42 and getting paid. I came back to my room made a few phone calls and then went downstairs to find the gang. We hung out and had beer and laughed a lot, got some work done and the whole time I’m thinking I’m old enough to be there fathers. Oh God, what have I done.

About the dorm. It co-ed. Including the bathroom. I’ve never done that before. It’s quite small with about 7 or 8 rooms on each floor. The average age of the participants is 22. This was before I moved in. I’m sure I’ll fuck the average. It’s loud. Right now its 1:52 and there are people yelling every where. There’s no air conditioning on the second floor. This may be a problem.

I’ll finish by saying…OH MY GOD WHAT HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO!!!!!!!

ps…I’ll pull my camera out and start documenting my adventures tomorrow.

pss…I was going to include a random picture of a dorm, but when you Google “dorm” you get tits. Lots and lots of tits. UGH!

O-K-L-A-H-O-M-O…Oklahomo. Yeow!!!

It’s May 30th.  I’m leaving for Oklahoma in about 4 hours.  Everything is packed.  I just need to jump in the shower, dress and wait for the car to arrive to take me to the airport.  I’m more than a little tired.  I’ve been up very late the last two nights.  I finally emailed off my design at about 12:45 last night.  For the most part I think it’s good, although lying in bed last night I realized a couple of things I didn’t do.  Nothing awful, and since I’ll be there later today I can take care of it in person.  I just hate when things in my drafting aren’t clear.  After I emailed off my design last night I spent the next two hours putting away everything I brought home from Iowa.  Well maybe not putting away.  It was more about finding a hiding place for it.  I’ll deal with the piles when I get home in a month.  I wouldn’t have worried about it but a friend of mine is subletting my room while I am gone.  It’s means for the next couple of months I don’t have to pay rent…and that will be a wonderful.

So although I’m very tired, I’m actually looking forward to getting to Oklahoma.  It will be the first time I’ve designed on the road.  Not that it’s any different, but it’s nice to think that I’m good enough to be flown there, and housed for a month just so they can see my work.  Doesn’t sound half bad does it.  Of course when I say house, I should mention that I’ll be staying in a dorm.  Somehow at 40 the idea of communal showers doesn’t sound nearly as exciting as it did when I was 20.  My, how things change.  I won’t care as long as the bed is comfortable and there is air conditioning.  And I’ll need to get a “dorm” size refrigerator so that I’ll be able to have an endless supply of Diet Coke.  I wouldn’t want to go through withdrawl.  That could be bad.  The one thing I don’t know, is whether I’ll have an internet connection or not.  In the emails I’ve received it’s been kind of vague about whether it would be working or not.  So if you don’t hear from me for a month, know it’s not on purpose.

So I’m off.  Wish me luck.

Eight Lesbians and me….

My readers are dwindling fast.  A month or so ago I was getting upwards of 45 to 50 readers a day.  In the past week the numbers have dropped to about 20 or so.  It makes me wonder what I’m doing wrong.  I tell myself that it shouldn’t matter but I’m your average insecure gay man who needs to know his numbers are up and that people are reading.  I guess I’ll have to start promising to show naked pictures of myself to get more readers.   Just know that I’d never post pictures of me in the buff because it would cause all of you to throw up a little in your mouth and then stop reading altogether.  And I’d miss most of you if you did that.

I got to Maine without incident today.   Two of my students drove me to the airport.  It was a lot of fun.  We laughed and joked and discussed our families on the hour long trip to Des Moines.  They dropped me off around 9:30 for my 11:00 flight.  One of the nice things about going through a small airport is that it takes about 15 seconds to get through security.  It wouldn’t have taken as long as it did if I hadn’t had on shoes that were hard to get off.

After I got through security I called my friend Michelle.  She’d called as I was checking in and we just wanted to make sure everything was a go.  Glad we talked because she thought I was arriving an hour later than I was.  We ended the call and I walked down to my gate.  I arrived just in time to watch the last of a set of passengers load themselves into a prop plane.  My heart sank.  Surely I was not flying on a prop plane.  I’ve only done this once and it was awful.  The plane bounced all over the place and I was convinced that I was going to die.  I immediately called Michelle back and told her that I hope she knew that I wouldn’t do this for just anybody.  We joked for a few minutes and she ended the conversation by reminding me it wasn’t too early to start drinking, and that might take the edge off.  I told her that I had drugs to take the edge off but perhaps if I did both I wouldn’t even remember the flight.  She said that wasn’t a good idea but one beer couldn’t hurt.  So I hung up the phone and headed down to the pub.  It was 10:15.  I started to leave because no one else was drinking alcohol, but I told myself….what the hell.  None of these people knew me and they’ll never see me again so what did it matter if they thought I was an alcoholic.  So I planted myself at the corner of the bar and ordered a Corona.  I got my beer and took a sip.  It was delicious.  No more had I done that did I turn around and suddenly the place was buzzing with people.  One table of six ordered bloody mary’s with beer chasers.  The guy next to me ordered a Miller Lite.  The guy on the other side of me ordered a white wine.  I wasn’t the only lush.  The place was crawling with alcoholics.  Yippppeeee!!!

After two Coronas I headed off to my gate.  The plane boarded right on time and we even took off a little early.  We arrived in Cincinnati right on schedule.  In Cincy I had an hour and a half lay over so I stopped in a pub and ordered a burger and another beer.  The food was okay, and the beer was good.  I headed off to my gate and was soon boarding my connecting flight.  I got to Portland around 5:30.  We were around 20 minutes late but the flight was uneventful which is how I like them.

I was picked up at the airport by Michelle.  We immediately stopped for Diet Coke.  I needed a fix and then went to the grocery store for bread and beer and then on to a lesbian fest.  It was me and 8 lesbians.  I was not the butchest one in the room.  But just for the record I wasn’t the most fem either.  It was my friend Michelle’s drag partners and a couple of their significant others.  We had some beers and some laughs and then sat down to dinner of homemade lasagna and salad.  The meal was capped off with gluten free cupcakes that were delicious.   After dinner the “boys” sat around making each other laugh by making fun of each other.  I had a lot of fun.

Michelle and I got to her place around 9:00.  We both had a glass of wine and settled onto the couch with Max the dog and waited for Lisa (Michelle’s partner) to come home.  Lisa got home and joined us in the living room and we talked and talked and talked for what seemed like forever.  It was almost 11:30 when we finally said good night.  The biggest part of the conversation was about me moving to Portland.  Michelle has been after me to do so for a while now and I keep saying no…but I have to admit the argument was pretty convincing tonight.  The gave me a lot to think over.  I’ll keep you posted on what I’m thinking about doing.  Don’t worry Chuck, I won’t leave you high and dry.  But I have to admit that I am tempted.

Have a great Friday everyone.

A Very Sleepy Day…

I leave for Portland, Maine tomorrow morning.  I’m very excited to say the least.  It will be nice to get out of Iowa for a couple of days.  I haven’t been out of the state for almost 2 months since I returned from spring break.  It hasn’t been that bad but I’m ready for a little fun.

I slept most of the day.  I got up around 12:30 or so.  Checked email, watched the news and then decided that I was still sleepy.  I went back to bed and slept until 4:30.  I hate when I sleep the day away but there are days when I just can’t wake up.  I also had a series of weird dreams today.  In the first set of dreams I was trying to kill myself and no one would let me.  I don’t remember how I was trying to do it or many of the details but I was in a bit of a state when I woke up.  I also had a series of dreams about a family that was hiding from their father.  I don’t know what he did, but I do know the dream culminated in an accident at an amusement park.  For the most part I don’t mind the dreams, but occasionally it’s more than I can handle.

I did start to go the movies today but my choices were:  Are We Done Yet?  Kickin’ It Old Skool and Meet the Robinsons.  I couldn’t decide which movie would be the least offensive so I sat in front of the theatre for about 20 minutes talking to my mom and then decided I would just go home.  So I stopped for Chinese (it’s not as good as New York’s but it’s passable) and came home.  I spent the rest of the night watching Law And Order SVU and cleaning my house.  I have to make sure it’s presentable before I leave just in case the Realtors want to show it over the weekend.

That’s it for now.  I’m being picked up a little after 8 in the morning by a couple of my students who volunteered to drive me to the airport.  I have a stack of clothes in the living room to throw in a bag and I think I’m ready.  I’ll post pictures when I can.

Two Days of “Not Existing” AKA…United Airlines Sucks

I’ve missed you guys. I haven’t blogged or read any since Friday night I believe. There has been very little time with socializing, memorial services, and getting into trouble. I’ll deal with all three of these items this week. Today I’m going to deal with travelling. UGH!!!

I was scheduled to fly out of San Diego Monday afternoon at 3:45. It was a quick jaunt to Denver, get another flight to Des Moines, rent a car and drive an hour east and I’d be home. Just like the responsible traveller I am I got to the airport way in advance of my two hour required window. I returned my rental car, jumped on the shuttle to the airport and was there in plenty of time. I entered the terminal by crossing the bridge, going down the escalator and then turning to move toward the line for United. From my view things didn’t look so bad so I continued walking forward. And then I realized what was happening. The line for United didn’t look bad because 99% of the people in line weren’t in the terminal. They were outside, snaking down the sidewalk. Annoyed but realizing if I wanted to fly I had to stand in line I went to my place in line. The staff was giving us very little information so I called United to make sure that the flights were not cancelled. They weren’t. They were just delayed.

The line moved very fast and I had some nice people to keep my company. There was the rich southern California woman who was sending her mother home to Nebraska and kept asking me to watch her things. There was the cute boy behind her who was chatting with everyone. There was the bear, two people behind me, who spent 45 minutes explaining to the nice but dense girl behind me what the problem was. And then there was Bubba. Bubba was pissed. And he was taking it out on the world. Most of the time he was yelling at United employees on the phone. “IF YOU CAN’T GET ME HOME TONIGHT THEN FUCKING CONNECT ME TO AN AIRLINE THAT WILL”"HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU TELL ME WHAT’S GOING ON IN SAN DIEGO WHEN YOU ARE IN THE PHILIPPINE’S.” “GET ME YOUR SUPERVISOR–AND HOW LONG IS A MOMENT”YES, BOB I WANT TO KNOW WHAT COUNTRY YOU ARE IN BEFORE YOU START TALKING. NEVER-MIND GET ME YOUR SUPERVISOR”. This went on for the 2 hours we stood in line trying to find out what was happening.

Finally, just as I was getting to the door and was going to be allowed in, the lady doing crowd control, came by and explained that yes I could get to Denver but I wouldn’t make my connection. Okay. At least I know something now. It’s not awful. In fact I have a choice. I can stay in San Diego, meet my friend J.S. for coffee and then go hook up with some boys, and then head to T.M’s house to hang out before bed. Or I could fly to Denver and meet up with C.T. who lives there and hang out. I decided since there was the opportunity to play with boys I would stay in town.

At this point I’m still in line. I’ve been told I can wait and deal with my ticket at the counter or I can deal with it on the phone. I call, talk to some really nice guy with an accent and set up a plan. I would leave on United Airlines Flight 718 (I remember this because it’s Brooklyn’s area code) at 8:10 tomorrow morning. My connection gets into to Des Moines at 3:00.

I get out of line and head to the rental car phones. I call three companies before I find one that’s somewhat cheap. I get the shuttle and go to get my car. I get there fill out all the appropriate forms, insurance etc. When the grand total comes it was well over $100 just for 12 hours. This is fucked. But what can I do. I have to have a car if I am going to get around.

I then head to Starbucks in Hillcrest to have coffee with J.S. We chatted for about 2 hours. Mostly about the memorial service and the psychotic tendencies of our friend A.N. We end the conversation by walking to my car and I gave her a most beautiful blue scarf that I had crocheted for her. She loved it. We said our goodbyes and then it was time for boys.

If you have been reading my blog for a LONG time you might remember a place that my friend T.M. and I call The Watering Hole. It’s a place where one goes to meet men and do things with them. Things like have sex with them. I’m not proud that I go to these places but sometimes a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do. So since I had time I wandered over to The Watering Hole and had some fun. I was there for about 3 hours having a last hurrah before I go back to the Land Of Giants and No Gay People.

At home I check email. Call Enterprise to change my reservation from Monday to Tuesday. Uh-oh, another snag. They have cancelled my reservation and there are no cars for Tuesday. I’m SOL. What that means is I have to rent a car from another car rental place drive home, and then the next day drive back to Des Moines to return it and exchange it for an Enterprise Car because Enterprise is the only car rental place in a million miles of where I live. Damn…Now what am I going to do. The lady at Enterprise recommends calling tomorrow to see if things have changed. I say that I will.

So I go to bed and go to sleep. At 5:00 a.m the alarm goes off. I snooze it a couple of times and finally roll out of bed at 5:25. By 6:00 a.m. I am in the car headed to the airport. I drop off the car, get shuttled over again and get in line for United. A much shorter line I might add. I get called to be next and I go over to the “easy” self check in counter, swipe my card and am told I don’t exist. Please pick up the phone and talk to an agent. He confirms that I don’t exist. I am not in the system at all. Not only am I not in the system, there is NO FLIGHT 718 TO DENVER AT 8:10 in the morning. There’s no 718 at all. They do have a record of my reservation yesterday but that was listed as a “NO SHOW” and was taken out of the system. I’ll have to talk to a “REAL” person in San Diego.

I stand in line some more and the “REAL” person confirms that yes I don’t have a reservation, and yes there is no Flight 718, and he’ll see what he can do. So he starts looking. At first he tells me the best he can do is get to me to Des Moines around 11:00 p.m. through Chicago. I explain that’s not an option. He gets back to work. Finally what we agree to do is book me through Chicago on the flight that gets in at 11:00 but let me stand by on earlier flights and pray that things go my way and I make it earlier.

I’m rambling on, but that’s what happened. I got on the first flight to Chicago at 8:30. In Chicago I had to wait three hours but I got on the 4:50 flight to Des Moines. During this time I continue to call Enterprise where I am assured that they WON’T have cars, but to keep trying back. At around 6:15 tonight I landed. What luck my bag was one of the first to show up. I went to Enterprise and waited behind 5 people — all returning cars. Therefore I could have one of the newly returned cars if I didn’t mind if it wasn’t cleaned first. I was finally given some ridiculously large van and sent on my way.

I got home at around 7:45. There is power on my side of the street. The other side of the street not so lucky. I have no cable thus no internet…I’m at school right now. All of this is the result of a hideous ice storm that came through on Saturday. I’ll take a picture tomorrow but a big chunk of the tree that used to sit in front of my house is now in my drive way.

Through all of this I stayed somewhat calm despite the fact that I am supposed to be starting round two of my interview tomorrow complete with a portfolio review at 4:30. Luckily, they have given me the day off tomorrow and I’ll get to sleep late and then come to school and put my presentation together.

Remembering I am powerless over most of the world is a wonderful thing.

I’m still a sick Maddog. I’ve come to the realiza…

I’m still a sick Maddog. I’ve come to the realization that breathing is highly over rated. Especially through the nose. If God had meant for us to breath through our nose he wouldn’t have given us other options. Right? I’m going to try and get to bed early tonight hoping some good rest will hit the spot.

In other news, I’m travelling to San Diego tomorrow. I’ll be there until Monday. You have no idea how much I’m looking forward to being around other people. I haven’t had a non-school related conversation with someone face-to-face in almost six weeks. It’ll be great to talk about politics, and movies, and drink beer with people that I know. If I weren’t sick I’d be jumping up and down with joy right now.

In Iowa news. I had another mediocre meal tonight. I’m now o for 10 in the food world. Ten meals out of ten mediocre meals. Tonight the chair of the department treated all of us out for dinner to welcome me to the department and to treat the woman who is here designing scenery for the spring show. My big question is: How is the meat tough? By my best guess, it was alive on a pig farm down the street two minutes ago. It was probably eating breakfast this morning without a care in the world and now it’s sitting on my plate covered in yucky barbecue sauce and so tough it would take 3 days to chew through it. And to make matters worse the portions are huge. I wouldn’t mind so much, if the food was good. But why make a situation worse by giving me more bad food than I would ever want. I’ve decided to give up eating out in Iowa. Maybe I’ll treat myself to Hardee’s, McDonald’s, or Dairy Queen. At least then I know what the food will taste like and I won’t be expecting more than I get.

On a better note the temperature has been in the 50’s for the past few days. Which is good and bad. Good because I was just about done with the extremely cold weather. Bad for two reasons. The first: The warm weather melts the snow during the day. At night the temperature drops back down below freezing and for the past three days I’ve ice skated home. And if any of you know me, you’d know how non-athletic I am. I’ve almost hit the ground at least a dozen times. This leads to me bad reason number two. There are no street lights to light my way from school to home. I walk home blindly lit by the passing cars or what little light spills from the living rooms of the houses I pass. Therefore, it’s impossible to see the ice on the side walk until you are already skating across it. Or even better, you can’t see the puddle in the middle of the walk until you are ankle deep in ice cold water. Both feet were soaked tonight before I got home.

Did I mention that I was going to San Diego where it’s always warm and never rains. Somebody slap me the next time I say I miss winter.